


i just wanna have fun and (get rowdy)

by pettigrace



Series: we're all somewhere in the middle [1]
Category: Arrow (TV 2012), DC's Legends of Tomorrow (TV), The Flash (TV 2014)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - No Powers, Aromantic Character, Aromantic Mick Rory, Asexual Barry, Asexual Character, Asexual Mick Rory, Attempt at Humor, Bad Puns, Bisexual Eddie Thawne, Canon Bisexual Character, Canon Gay Character, F/F, F/M, Gender-Neutral Pronouns, Get Hartley Rathaway Laid 2k17, Group chat, Humor, Innuendo, LGBTQ Themes, M/M, Multi, Non-Binary Chara, Other, Pansexual Character, Pansexual Leonard Snart, Parody, Polyamorous Character, Sexual Tension, Texting, Trans Character, Trans Cisco Ramon, Trans Male Character, Warnings in the Chapters, this is a mess
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-13
Updated: 2018-05-02
Packaged: 2018-12-27 15:04:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 52
Words: 41,213
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12083541
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pettigrace/pseuds/pettigrace
Summary: oliverking:the semester started a week ago and this gc already is a mess do you want it to crashirisbest:how did we even get so many members within a weekronnieraymond:penguinspipes:explainronnieraymond:we huddle like themheatwave:what did you smoke dude(or the one where Central City's college gets an lgbt groupchat)





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I'm having a freaking writer's block and to fight it y'all are getting a groupchat based on one of my AU ideas
> 
> title is from liam payne's "strip that down"!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> there's a 99% chance that someone mentions dicks

**irisbest** added  **barryallen** to the chat

 

**notcis-co** : barry allen?????

**pipes** : that's literally the name why are you fucking asking

**notcis-co** : ignoring you

**notcis-co** : barry from chem?

 

**barryallen** changed their username to  **spACEbar**

 

**captaincold** : awesome pun

**spACEbar** : thanks

**spACEbar** : cisco!!!! omg I had no idea

**notcis-co** : me neither man wth

**irisbest** : HOW DID I NOT KNOW YOU KNOW EACH OTHER

**notcis-co** : how do YOU know each other???

**irisbest** : excuse u barry is my foster brother?

**spACEbar** : best friends

**notcis-co** : the blasphemy

**snowflake** : you know what this calls for

**captaincold** : no

**pipes** : no

**heatwave** : no

**oliverking** : no

**irisbest** : introduction!!

**ronnieraymond** : INTRODUCTION

**lindap** : not an introduction pls

**spACEbar** : what does it call for

**notcis-co** : OH YES PLEASE

**snowflake** : an introduction!! :D

**bilance** : the fact that all these came at the same time determines y'all have no life

**bilance** : as the captain of this gc I say we introduce each other like proper humans

**bilance** : but first let me

 

**bilance** added  **eddiethawne** to the chat

 

**snowflake** : so many newbies!!!

**bilance** : eddie introduce yourself

**eddiethawne** : eddie, he/him, 23, bi

**ronnieraymond** : bi club!!!!! ronnie, xe/xyr, 22, bigender, bisexual, biromantic

**captaincold** : when will you make bi your pronouns 

**notcis-co** : cisco, he/him, 20, gay, trans

**irisbest** : iris, she/her, 21, demiro

**lindap** : wtf cisco you're gay???? didn't you try to ask shawna out the other day

**spACEbar** : barry, he/them, 20, ace and ??? questioning

**bilance** : sara, 24, she/her, you wouldn't guess it but bi

**pipes** : hartley, 19, he/him, gay

**notcis-co** : I DIDNT TRY TO ASK HER OUT I JUST FLIRT WITH ALL GIRLS I CANT HELP IT

**heatwave** : weird dude

**oliverking** : oliver, 26, he/him, demisexual

**lindap** : linda, 23, she/her, lesbian

**snowflake** : caitlin, 23, she/her, token ally

**pipes** : yikes

**bilance** : okay who hasn't introduced themselves yet

**eddiethawne** : the katy perry song

**bilance** : ?

**eddiethawne** : hot n cold

**notcis-co** : wow

**captaincold** : wow

**captaincold** : for that you deserve it

**captaincold** : snart, 28, he/him, pan

**eddiethawne** : :)

**captaincold** : hot is mick, he/him

**spACEbar** : nothing more?

**captaincold** : nah he'd tell you himself if he wanted to

**spACEbar** : I accept that

**bilance** : why are we such a mess with introducing ourselves smh

**irisbest** : we fucking suck accept it

**notcis-co** : yes we do

**captaincold** : indeed

**pipes** : I for one do suck

**ronnieraymond** : hell yeah

**lindap** : who sucks I do not suck

**eddiethawne** : the fact that all these came within five seconds

**snowflake** : hey! we could list what we study next

**bilance** : NO 

**oliverking** : the semester started a week ago and this gc already is a mess do you want it to crash

**irisbest** : how did we even get so many members within a week

**ronnieraymond** : penguins

**pipes** : explain

**ronnieraymond** : we huddle like them

**heatwave** : what did you smoke dude

**captaincold** : I would like to help barry figure out himself

**captaincold** : you questioning gender or orientation

**spACEbar** : uh both actually

**captaincold** : hm

**captaincold** : ever sucked a dick?

**irisbest** : SNART

**oliverking** : so far 90% of our convos were about dicks

**eddiethawne** : wow what did i miss in the last week

**notcis-co** : a lot

**spACEbar** : I'm ace man

**heatwave** : never stopped me

**notcis-co** : HEATWAVE IS ACE WE HAVE AN ANSWER

**captaincold** : sucking a cock rt if u relate

**pipes** : rt

**ronnieraymond** : rt

**eddiethawne** : rt

**bilance** : rt

**heatwave** : rt

**snowflake** : rt

**notcis-co** : rt

**irisbest** : rt

**lindap** : rt

**snowflake** : Linda????????

**lindap** : there's girls with penises yknow

**notcis-co** : HELL YEAH TRANS PPL

**pipes** : *penes

**oliverking** : even I have given a blowjob

**ronnieraymond** : say what

**bilance** : was it tommy

**oliverking** : who else would it fucking have been 

**bilance** : between laurel, Tommy, me and you why are we such a mess

**oliverking** : idk id guess Tommy and I are just fuckboys wbu

**bilance** : OH WAIT LETS NOT FORGET THEA

**oliverking** : thea?

**bilance** : had a crush on tommy don't you remember

**oliverking** : WHAT FUCK

**irisbest** : who are those ppl

**bilance** : do you really wanna know

**irisbest** : yes

**bilance** : laurel is my sister, tommy is Oliver's best friend and Thea is the half sister of the two of them

**pipes** : she had a crush ON HER HALF BROTHER

**bilance** : SHE DIDNT KNOW OKAY 

**oliverking** : WE ONLY LEARNT ABOUT IT LAST YEAR

**notcis-co** : WHAT A FUCKING MESS

**bilance** : you don't know half of it

**lindap** : eye emoji

**irisbest** : notebook emoji pen emoji

**oliverking** : for fucks sake

**bilance** : oliver dated my laurel, they broke up, he dated me, then we broke up, Tommy dated laurel, they broke up, Oliver dated her again, they broke up, we dated again,,,, OH AND OLIVER SUCKED TOMMY’S DICK

**captaincold** : an important detail

**spACEbar** : this is so messy 

**notcis-co** : this is worse than a soap opera

**pipes** : what a fucking telenovela

**ronnieraymond** : did the two of you just pretty much agree

**eddiethawne** : there's actually no incest in this I'm impressed 

**eddiethawne** : except for Oliver's sister I guess

**heatwave** : y'all are weird I hate you


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> this is the story of forbidden friendship

**pipes** : anyone else have weird family history

**captaincold** : hell yeah

**spACEbar** : yup

**heatwave** : yes

**irisbest** : somewhat

**eddiethawne** : I bet you all have actual real stuff and not semi-incestuous shit like oliver

**irisbest** : rt

**bilance** : guy doesn't even know oliver and roasts him. lov u fellow bi

**eddiethawne** : thx

**captaincold** : hey iris is your father detective west by any chance

**irisbest** : yeah why

**heatwave** : good man

**captaincold** : doesn't treat people like shit

**spACEbar** : hang on are you guys

**spACEbar** : criminals

**heatwave** : yeah

**captaincold** : depends on your definition 

**captaincold** : ffs mick

**pipes** : criminals are usually ppl who commit crimes I'd say

**irisbest** : tf did you do????

**captaincold** : theft

**heatwave** : a few fires

**spACEbar** : ohhhh you're the guys who were sentenced to go to college

**heatwave** : and other things yeah

**captaincold** : I thought cops aren't allowed to talk about people they arrest

**eddiethawne** : no actually you can

**snowflake** : doctors can't

**spACEbar** : they can talk about their patients without saying any names though

**notcis-co** : so did you guys only fuck up once or

**captaincold** : what do you think

**pipes** : is it weird that I'm kinda turned on

**notcis-co** : why are you like this

**ronnieraymond** : oh my god

**lindap** : jesus

**captaincold** : if you need any help with that hmu

**pipes** : maybe I will

**captaincold** : ;)

**oliverking** : oh my god

**oliverking** : one time that I'm not here and people are hooking up

**bilance** : you missed something way better too

**oliverking** : what

**bilance** : eddie roasting you

**oliverking** : rude

**eddiethawne** : I live to serve

**spACEbar** : literally

**irisbest** : what does this mean

**spACEbar** : he's gonna be a cop

**irisbest** : NICE

**bilance** : even got a nickname at police academy

**eddiethawne** : don't

**bilance** : detective pretty boy

**captaincold** : more like detective pretty bi

**notcis-co** : pretty bi hah

**notcis-co** : WHY IS YOUR MESSAGE LONGER AND YET YOU WERE FASTER THAN ME

**captaincold** : I'm better at puns than you are

**notcis-co** : doubt.png

**pipes** : png

**notcis-co** : I am IGNORING you hartley

**ronnieraymond** : can we just discuss that we have two criminals, an on-going cop and two and a half kids of cops in this chat

**spACEbar** : I'm guessing I'm the half

**ronnieraymond** : well yeah

**irisbest** : Barry's gonna be a forensic scientist 

**bilance** : nice

 

**eddiethawne** changed their username to  **detectiveprettybi**

 

**oliverking** : may I ask what thieves and arsonists choose to study

**pipes** : so you've already finished police academy eddie?

**captaincold** : art history 

**detectiveprettybi** : yeah and now I have to take another criminology class bc life sucks

**heatwave** : I'm still trying shit

**spACEbar** : were becoming criminology buds

**heatwave** : hey should I take criminology

**heatwave** : could teach those guys something

**captaincold** : no

**detectiveprettybi** : no

**bilance** : no

**irisbest** : no

**notcis-co** : no

**pipes** : wow

**ronnieraymond** : you know what bothers me

**spACEbar** : hm

**ronnieraymond** : why don't I have a funny username

**notcis-co** : bc nobody can think of one

**captaincold** : if only you were gay

**captaincold** : ronniegaymond

**ronnieraymond** : rip

 

**lindap** changed their username to  **lesbianda**

 

**ronnieraymond** : really

**irisbest** : wow

**pipes** : you’re a loser ronnie

**notcis-co** : shut up hartley

**snowflake** : hey

**detectiveprettybi** : one of these days we’re actually have a war going on here smh

**heatwave** : HELL YEAH

**oliverking** : that woulD NOT BE GOOD

**oliverking** : i have no idea if this came up yet but this groupchat was actually meant to spread knowledge about the lgbt club THAT IM INVESTING FOR please dont screw this up

**bilance** : oh yeah i forgot to mention that i guess

**spACEbar** : wait does that mean we’re gonna meet each other

**oliverking** : that’s the plan

**spACEbar** : amazing

**heatwave** : so we can have a fight irl

**irisbest** : didn’t we establish that u are only here so u dont go to prison

**irisbest** : a fight would be counter productive i guess

**heatwave** : ure right

**captaincold** : thank god the daughter of the guy who arrested us is here

**captaincold** : what would we do without the one iris ann west

**irisbest** : … how do you know my second name

**captaincold** : you dont want to know

**spACEbar** : are you always get all the data about the people you talk to

**captaincold** : better be prepared, bartholomew

**spACEbar** : oh yikes

**notcis-co** : BARTHOLOMEW

**spACEbar** : shut up francisco

**pipes** : i love when someone else tells cisco to shut up

**notcis-co** : you shut up

**notcis-co** : both of you

**lesbianda** : elephant in the room: when will hartley and cisco fuck

**captaincold** : rt

**heatwave** : rt

**detectiveprettybi** : rt

**oliverking** : rt

**pipes** : when all my brain cells burnt. It’s a lot so We’d probably die sooner

**notcis-co** : I HAVE A BOYFRIEND

**ronnieraymond** : damn right he has

**bilance** : wtf ur dating

**bilance** : didnt caitlin introduce herself as ronnie’s gf last week

**ronnieraymond** : im taking the bi life so far that i have two partners, sue me

**detectiveprettybi** : wow iconic

**ronnieraymond** : *biconic


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> snart is a man of problems

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> homophobia mention, death mention, parent mention etc etc

**irisbest** : hey guys wanna help me with my essay

**bilance** : what’s it about

**irisbest** : parental influence on sexual orientation

**notcis-co** : oh boy

**irisbest** : im just gonna go ahead aight

**irisbest** : who of you all are poc

**notcis-co** : puerto rican

**lesbianda** : got some chinese and cherokee in me

**captaincold** : im half black but whitepassing as hell

**notcis-co** : my condolences

**iriswest** : so what the rest of yall is white wtf

**bilance** : if it helps you in any way my gf is mixed asian

**iriswest** : okay who OF EVERYONE had at least one absent parent

**snowflake** : my dad died when i was a child

**oliverking** : my dad died shortly before i turned 18

**bilance** : my parents divorced when i was a teenager so idk if it counts?

**spACEbar** : well u kno bout me

**heatwave** : my parents died when i was 16

**captaincold** : im an orphan at heart

**notcis-co** : what the fuck

**captaincold** : yeah

**notcis-co** : im worried dude

**iriswest** : OKAY AND LAST any siblings? And are they younger or older etc etc

**bilance** : an older sister

**captaincold** : younger sister

**oliverking** : a younger sister

**notcis-co** : an older brother

**detectiveprettybi** : that u know of

**detectiveprettybi** : that was @ oliver

**oliverking** : WHY ARE YOU HATING ME SO MUCH

**irisbest** : someone’s gotta

**ronnieraymond** : apparently hartley, eddie and i are the only white only children with both parents present. What to do with these news

**pipes** : my parents are fucking homophobes

**notcis-co** : but at least they have money

**pipes** : fucking great im gonna buy myself a pony

**bilance** : jeez fuck sorry to hear that

**captaincold** : look on the bright side you’ll probably outlive them

**snowflake** : im sensing some serious issues here

**spACEbar** : for real are u ok

**captaincold** : when i see your username im always okay

**irisbest** : what the fuck

**irisbest** : oh my god you fucking broke barry

**captaincold** : did i

**irisbest** : yeah he’s blushing terribly and making weird noises

**heatwave** : he loves causing weird noises

**lesbianda** : i cant believe snart is obsessed with barry

**captaincold** : dont blame me he seems cute

**detectiveprettybi** : rude

**bilance** : rude

**pipes** : rude

**notcis-co** : rude

**captaincold** : half of you guys are taken

**notcis-co** : still rude

**captaincold** : if it helps i like your puns

**captaincold** : pipes seems like he’d be dtf 24/7 so nice

**captaincold** : i’ve heard eddie is pretty so like

**captaincold** : lastly i think sara could cut off my dick without blinking so Hot

**notcis-co** : you seriously have problems dude

**oliverking** : is barry okay

**lesbianda** : i’d leave the country if i were him

**captaincold** : what the fuck did i do to you

**lesbianda** : you are a thief who’d like his parents dead and is attracted to people who’d hurt him

**captaincold** : this is panphobia

**notcis-co** : ARE YOU JUST USING A MEME

**heatwave** : don’t get him started on the memes

**heatwave** : one month i couldnt do anything without being rickrolled

**pipes** : what exactly is even the deal with you two

**pipes** : like are you dating

**captaincold** : why are these questions always aimed at me

**captaincold** : y’all have boring lives

**heatwave** : id rather light myself on fire than date snart

**captaincold** : he means that literally

**captaincold** : we’re partners if you must know

**bilance** : qpps?

**irisbest** : aw sweet so qpps

**captaincold** : hang on

**detectiveprettybi** : he’s googling it i guess

**captaincold** : yeah seems about right

**spACEbar** : hey cisco can i copy some of your lab report

**lesbianda** : suave

**oliverking** : lord of distraction

**captaincold** : welcome back barry :3c

**notcis-co** : i was hoping to copy yours

**bilance** : :3c

**pipes** : :3c

**detectiveprettybi** : :3c

**spACEbar** : damn 

**spACEbar** : lets do it together

**notcis-co** : nice!!!

**notcis-co** : you should come over then we can watch some star trek too

**captaincold** : nerds

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> when will a tv show ever acknowledge that wentworth miller is a man of colour, i dont know


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> barry might be abducted, nobody knows

**spACEbar** : oh my fucking god im laughing so hard

**spACEbar** : the dude in front of me fucking poured energy into his coffee

**oliverking** : he’s going to die

**detectiveprettybi** : probably

**spACEbar** : FUCK i think i laughed too loudly

**spACEbar** : he just looked at me with a tired look

**spACEbar** : i hope he doesnt die he’s quite handsome

**detectiveprettybi** : aw

**irisbest** : im quitting college

**detectiveprettybi** : whats up

**irisbest** : I HAVE SO MUCH TO DO

**irisbest** : i blame barry for planting this idea in my head

**oliverking** : where is he even did the guy kill him

**irisbest** : i sure hope so

**detectiveprettybi** : savage

**oliverking** : everyone else is in class probably so uhh can i help you in any way

**irisbest** : write my next psych test for me

**oliverking** : the only thing im learning about a human’s mind atm is how to manipulate them into buying into your company

**detectiveprettybi** : going into family business huh

**oliverking** : yeah i figured im gonna be prepared for the company

**detectiveprettybi** : sounds logical

**oliverking** : also tommy and i are planning on opening a club so

**irisbest** : how long have you been planning

**oliverking** : oh boy since we first tried alcohol

**irisbest** : which i heard is early for rich people

**oliverking** : yeah,,

**pipes** : is it gonna be a gay bar

**oliverking** : nah tommy is too straight for that he’d flip if he couldn’t hit on the girls

**detectiveprettybi** : bi girls exist

**irisbest** : he literally had you sucking his dick

**bilance** : have one straight and one gay club and look which has more profit, i already have an idea

**irisbest** : wow what summoned you tommy sucking oliver’s dick or the bi girls

**bilance** : my sister’s childhood friends having sex ofc

**detectiveprettybi** : i might just love you

**bilance** : dont let my gf hear that

**oliverking** : i hate you sara

**bilance** : why cant exes ever get along smh

**oliverking** : stop fucking bullying me im gonna smack your head

**bilance** : oh yeah i wanna see that

**detectiveprettybi** : i wanna watch too

**pipes** : and only yesterday we decided snart’s pain kink was weird

**irisbest** : anyway i want to see a wrestling match at our first meeting

**irisbest** : when are we even gonna do it

**oliverking** : idk we should probably talk about it some time when everyone’s here

**oliverking** : anyway i gotta go i have a date

**bilance** : oh is dig tagging along

**oliverking** : not if i can prevent it

**bilance** : good luck

**pipes** : who the fuck is dig

**bilance** : the bodyguard his mum hired for college

**pipes** : fucking insane

**ronnieraymond** : who has a fucking date at 1pm

**ronnieraymond** : like? Who has sex at noon

**snowflake** : ronald raymond since when do all dates end in sex

**detectiveprettybi** : your gf is gonna end you mate

**bilance** : theyve been dating for a year now and meet for lunch almost every day they can behave themselves

**pipes** : how come we didnt even know oliver was seeing someone

**irisbest** : is it tommy

**bilance** : nah her name is felicity she is very cute

**pipes** : can we go back to the bodyguard like??? My dad has been kidnapped once and its never made him get a bodyguard for me

**notcis-co** : maybe he hates you

**pipes** : wow

**bilance** : idk man moira is getting old and paranoid i guess

**bilance** : dig even lives in our house

**irisbest** : your house????

**bilance** : oh yeah moira bought a fucking house for oliver to live at near campus and we all just moved in with him to save money

**detectiveprettybi** : smart. Who lives there

**bilance** : oliver, me, tommy, laurel, dig and once she finished school thea too i guess. And we’re all waiting for felicity to move in too

**pipes** : that is a fucking mansion

**bilance** : a small one, yeah

**notcis-co** : fuck i wanna be rich

**lesbianda** : rich white ppl is2g

**heatwave** : i was rich 1 time

**detectiveprettybi** : how long did it last? For an hour?

**heatwave** : 3

**detectiveprettybi** : amazing

**irisbest** : okay seriously where is barry we were supposed to meet for coffee

**detectiveprettybi** : handsome killed him i bet 5$

**irisbest** : i take it back i don’t want him dead :(

**detectiveprettybi** : i’d meet you for coffee if i didn’t have class now

**heatwave** : is that ur idea of flirting

**pipes** : im sensing that actually this chat was created for hooking up only

**pipes** : i must say i approve

**ronnieraymond** : y’all are weird


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> barry is back and iris has the time of her life

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> shoutout to unfinishedduet who guessed correctly! :D

**oliverking** : this chat was not supposed to be a tinder substitute jsyk

**heatwave** : youre fucking lame

**oliverking** : youRE ACE

**lesbianda** : we managed to keep the chat silenced for half a day, im proud of us

**lesbianda** : trust oliver to ruin it

**oliverking** : why the fuck am i the person everyone chooses to hate

**irisbest** : idk you seem like you wouldnt get much hate in your life

**oliverking** : i live with two of my exes and my best friend, i get plenty of hate

**pipes** : good

**oliverking** : >:(

**notcis-co** : hey did barry ever appear again

**irisbest** : yeah he’s in his room reading

**notcis-co** : good to know

**detectiveprettybi** : oh so handsome didn’t kill him

**irisbest** : nope

**irisbest** : though the guy must have said something to him bc he seems rather flustered

**heatwave** : hmmmmmmm

**snowflake** : ?

**heatwave** : hmmmMMMM

**ronnieraymond** : do you know something we dont

**heatwave** : well maybe idk

**pipes** : helpful

**lesbianda** : hey why didnt sara show up when we roasted oliver

**oliverking** : shes busy having cybersex

**oliverking** : loudly

**lesbianda** : amazing

**pipes** : man am i glad i could just take out my hearing aids in moments like these

**snowflake** : ohhhh i didnt know you were Hard of Hearing!!!!

**pipes** : yeah it developed with time, i’m almost completely deaf by now lmao

**pipes** : if only it happened earlier!!!! My parents would’ve gotten me a cochlear implant and saved me from this agony!!!!

**notcis-co** : hes being sarcastic in case you can’t tell. The guy loves Deaf culture

**lesbianda** : okay i have to ask

**lesbianda** : where do you guys even know each other from. You seem to have a long history tbh

**detectiveprettybi** : ^

**notcis-co** : went to high school together and found our mutual dislike

**pipes** : cisco cant deal with someone being more intelligent than him

**notcis-co** : no i cant fucking deal with someone being so arrogant about it

**pipes** : sure thing youre not jealous at all

**notcis-co** : i really aint

**pipes** : sure

**irisbest** : OH FUCK

**irisbest** : WHAT THE FUCK

**irisbest** : oh my go you guys

**detectiveprettybi** : what happened are you alright

**irisbest** : I SURE AM

**heatwave** : damn i love being right

**irisbest** : YOU WONT BELIEVE WHAT HAPPENED

**pipes** : will you ever tell us

**irisbest** : im chilling in the living room right

**irisbest** : when suddenly the door bell rings and i go to open it

**irisbest** : and i, because i do my homework too, recognize fuCKING SNART

**ronnieraymond** : what

**notcis-co** : what

**pipes** : what

**lesbianda** : what

**irisbest** : TURNS OUT

**irisbest** : snart is quite handsome if you get what i mean

**lesbianda** : no way

**irisbest** : YES WAY

**detectiveprettybi** : oh my god? 

**heatwave** : i knew it

**oliverking** : what is happening now,,,,

**irisbest** : he’s taking barry out

**notcis-co** : for REAL

**pipes** : fuuuuuuck

**ronnieraymond** : what the fuck i need more bg

**irisbest** : i open the door, and snart stands there, i recognize him ofc but im frozen in shock

**irisbest** : and he starts giving me that shark smile and goes, “hello there iris ann west”

**irisbest** : and im just ?????

**irisbest** : and he’s a fucker so he goes, “im here to pick up bartholomew”

**irisbest** : and i still dont manage to get out a word

**irisbest** : then barry, because he’s a nosy nerd, comes down the stairs to look who’s there

**irisbest** : and get that: he was wearing his fucking pajamas

**pipes** : what fuck

**irisbest** : yEAH apparently he didnt think snart would actually take him out 

**irisbest** : bc barry thought snart didnt even know where we live

**notcis-co** : ffs barry its fucking snart ofc he knows

**irisbest** : so yeah it’s already awk af

**captaincold** : you know gossiping isnt all so subtle when YOU DO IT RIGHT IN FRONT OF MY FACE

**detectiveprettybi** : so you’re chilling and waiting for barry to get dressed

**captaincold** : yeah

**pipes** : this is so wild how did this happen

**captaincold** : well barry called me handsome in the chat

**captaincold** : so i went up to him and told him that the guy with the red bull coffee is not going to die any time soon

**captaincold** : took him a moment to realize

**notcis-co** : and then you just asked him out?

**captaincold** : nah we talked for a while and in the end i was like “see you at dinner tonight”

**ronnieraymond** : fuck

**captaincold** : turns out he IS very cute

**irisbest** : :3c

**oliverking** : are you talking too or just texting

**notcis-co** : no answer im assuming that means barry is done

**lesbianda** : i cant believe barry allen, a knwon baby, is going out with a criminal

**pipes** : i cant believe snart is taking out an ace person

**pipes** : idk like

**pipes** : idk

**notcis-co** : eloquent

**bilance** : yknow i hate how everyone thinks just bc someone did something criminal means they’re overly sexual

**bilance** : like??? Movie villains are either obsessed with sex or “too evil to care about it”

**ronnieraymond** : how was YOUR sex

**bilance** : fucking hot as always

**irisbest** : is it weird that now im feeling sexually frustrated 

**detectiveprettybi** : i could help

**pipes** : WHATS GOING ON HERE AND WHY IS NOBODY’S DICK IN ME

**snowflake** : why the hell are you guys like this oh my god

**heatwave** : i need a drink


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> it's the morning after and, as we know, the gang is nosy as hell

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm writing chapter 20 as we speak (what the hell) and i only have like two more plot bunnies left until i'm all out of ideas ("but yas," you may wonder, "since when did you even develop a plot for this" to which i say: i have no fucking clue)
> 
> it'll also include at least two interludes that are written in full text even though i was determined to keep it in texting idek man

**ronnieraymond** : eye emoji 

**notcis-co** : eye emoji

**bilance** : eye emoji

**snowflake** : eye emoji

**oliverking** : eye emoji

**notcis-co** : whom exactly are we eye emojiing

**bilance** : barry and snart

**snowflake** : i want to know if eddie and iris did get down

**spACEbar** : well iris is not home………..

**ronnieraymond** : BUT YOU ARE

**spACEbar** : yea

**notcis-co** : HOW WAS IT DUDE

**spACEbar** : why would i even discuss it here like bro it’s weird

**notcis-co** : >:(

**captaincold** : srsly why are you all so nosy

**lesbianda** : can we talk about the fact that eddie and iris totally fucked

**spACEbar** : lets not go there pls

**oliverking** : why are we always talking about sex

**bilance** : i thought you were a fuckboy

**oliverking** : shut the fuck up and get your laundry out of the washing machine

**bilance** : ass

**captaincold** : ah yes domestic life

**notcis-co** : I can't believe you guys let me starve

**ronnieraymond** : okay but can we just

**ronnieraymond** : Snart just randomly showing up on the doorstep of the guy who arrested him

**snowflake** : yeah what would you have done if the detective has been home

**spACEbar** : oh my god Joe would have killed you

**captaincold** : I'd have told him I'm actively trying to become a normal member of society and that going out is a part of that

**captaincold** : just following my orders

**oliverking** : he would have killed you

**oliverking** : detective lance threatened to kill me so often and I was only ever arrested for being awful when drunk

**bilance** : my dad, amongst over people, just fucking hates you

**oliverking** : >:/

**snowflake** : look at snart risking his life for barry #otp

**irisbest** : my dad doesn't trust guys even without arresting them, you'd totally be dead

**captaincold** : you wanna bet I can charm him

**irisbest** : 20$

**captaincold** : aight

**snowflake** : IRIS

**irisbest** : I know I know it's probably dirty money I’d get in return but I wanna see snart deal with my dad

**snowflake** : I DONT CARE ABOUT THAT

**snowflake** : WJERE HAVE YOU BEEN LAST NIGHT YOUNG LADY

**irisbest** : you know it

**ronnieraymond** : oh my god

**bilance** : was he good

**oliverking** : THIS IS NOT TINDER

**detectiveprettybi** : ofc I was smh

**irisbest** : yeah

**notcis-co** : amazing

**captaincold** : where's pipes I'd have thought he'd be jealous af

**notcis-co** : probably busy writing his lab report in latin

**heatwave** : haha

**notcis-co** : I'm not joking 

**notcis-co** : he takes every chance to impress wells

**lesbianda** : hartley wants to suck Harrison wells’s dick pass it on

**ronnieraymond** : it's actually probable 

**oliverking** : if only he were here we could finally fucking set up a meeting

**lesbianda** : I'm impressed that all of us are here

**detectiveprettybi** : where else would we be it's a fucking Saturday morning

**lesbianda** : idk bed maybe

**irisbest** : we've barely been to bed

**snowflake** : OH MY GOD

**ronnieraymond** : caitlin snow, token ally and shipping whore

**irisbest** : did you just call your gf a whore

**ronnieraymond** : I DIDNT MEAN TO

**ronnieraymond** : I'm getting silent treatment from both cait and sco if it helps

**irisbest** : good

**spACEbar** : are you really abbreviating cisco's name even more

**ronnieraymond** : one time I called him cis and he flipped

**notcis-co** : I may be a lot of things but cis is not one of them

**bilance** : cisco, trans icon

**lesbianda** : imagine if joe pulled a gun on snart and he popped a boner 

**heatwave** : wouldn't be the first time

**lesbianda** : oh my god

**captaincold** : what kind of callout

**captaincold** : mick I trusted you

**heatwave** : your mistake

**ronnieraymond** : mick probably knows all of snart’s kinks

**detectiveprettybi** : he's probably the reason for most of them

**captaincold** : not the reason no

**bilance** : I'm so intrigued by your relationship 

**snowflake** : bitch me too

**captaincold** : we met years ago in juvie y'all can only dream of knowing someone this well

**oliverking** : I've known Tommy since we were two we know each other better than anyone else

**heatwave** : I once had to pull a vibrator out of snart bc he is an idiot and got it stuck wbu

**detectiveprettybi** : FUCK

**lesbianda** : back to being a fucking mess

**ronnieraymond** : I can't believe snart is a bottom

**heatwave** : he's versatile trust me

**oliverking** : wow

**notcis-co** : fuck

**notcis-co** : guys we have a problem

**lesbianda** : what's wrong

**bilance** : are you ok

**notcis-co** : hartley’s parents found out about him

**irisbest** : oh fuck


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the chat has great methods to deal with homophobic people

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> homophobia tw for this chapter!

**spACEbar** : shit what happened

**bilance** : is he alright

**oliverking** : fuck

**notcis-co** : idk yet he looked like he walked through the rain the whole day so i convinced him to take a shower

**lesbianda** : why’d he even come to you

**ronnieraymond** : not the time linda

**lesbianda** : i didnt mean it like that

**notcis-co** : he doesnt have anything with him and i think i saw a bruise

**captaincold** : brb

**spACEbar** : youre not going to kill anyone

**captaincold** : but i really want to

**irisbest** : later maybe

**oliverking** : holy fuck

**snowflake** : even hartley doesnt deserve this

**heatwave** : fuckers

**notcis-co** : what happened is that the fucking new cleaning lady went through my fucking drawers, found a fucking dildo and instead oF PUTTING IT BACK LIKE A NORMAL FUCKING PERSON SHE TOLD MY PARENTS

**notcis-co** : and my father went “oh you like things up your ass so you must be fucking gay”

**notcis-co** : and now im disowned

**notcis-co** : i dont even have my fucking phone with me

**captaincold** : i can get it for you

**irisbest** : snart youre not going to break into the rathaway’s home

**captaincold** : nobody would even fucking see me theyve never noticed

**oliverking** : wait what

**lesbianda** : haVE YOU FCUKIGN STOLEN FROM HARTLEY’S PARENTS

**notcis-co** : wow i think i just fell in love

**spACEbar** : was that hartley or cisco speaking

**notcis-co** : both

**ronnieraymond** : wow

**bilance** : okay i have to ask how come you showed up on cisco’s doorstep and you didnt kill each other yet

**notcis-co** : i dont have any fucking friends

**detectiveprettybi** : wow thanks

**notcis-co** : I DONT KNOW WHERE ANY OF YOU LIVE

**oliverking** : okay let’s go about this rationally

**oliverking** : did your parents hurt you? 

**notcis-co** : nah

**irisbest** : cisco said you had a bruise

**notcis-co** : my mum smacked me but thats it

**heatwave** : hey can i maybe smack her

**lesbianda** : fucking digusting

**spACEbar** : and you have nothing with you?

**notcis-co** : nope

**notcis-co** : you know i didnt plan on it

**notcis-co** : thinking about it i’d have to change the batteries in my aids tomorrow fuck

**notcis-co** : great im now a poor gay homeless deaf man

**oliverking** : no you’re not

**bilance** : yeah you’re not

**notcis-co** : guys theres no way im going back

**bilance** : no youre coming to us

**oliverking** : we have so much space you’re gonna live here

**detectiveprettybi** : im taking snart and barry and we’ll get you some stuff

**detectiveprettybi** : anything you desperately need besides your aids and clothes?

**spACEbar** : why do i have to go

**detectiveprettybi** : i need snart for the address and intimidation and i need you to keep him in check

**spACEbar** : fair

**notcis-co** : hartley ran from the room i guess he’s overwhelmed

**notcis-co** : bring his phone and laptop too. And his school bag

**captaincold** : will do

**bilance** : im gonna prepare a room

**snowflake** : and your housemates wont mind?

**oliverking** : pff laurel will probably try to sue them

**irisbest** : speaking of should i like tell my dad

**ronnieraymond** : nah let hartley decide about that

**irisbest** : yeah true

**lesbianda** : cisco is he alright

**snowflake** : i guess hartley’s not really used to ppl caring about him :(

**irisbest** : okay eddie, snart and barry are on their way

**notcis-co** : hey oliver sara is it okay if he only comes over tomorrow

**notcis-co** : idk i think he doesnt want to be fussed over atm

**oliverking** : yeah sure

**bilance** : dont kill each other

**ronnieraymond** : you know things only get better when they start fighting again

**bilance** : okay true

**snowflake** : this chat existed fro two weeks and we already helped each other out im proud of us

**lesbianda** : im just glad it’s not worse

**lesbianda** : i mean its still awful but

**heatwave** : i still feel like punching homophobes

**oliverking** : mood

**bilance** : mood

**ronnieraymond** : mood

**lesbianda** : mood

**irisbest** : mood

**snowflake** : guys thats no solution

**ronnieraymond** : babe i love you more than anything but this is a prime example of a hashtag straight ally

**heatwave** : yeah man shut up

**snowflake** : okay sorry

**irisbest** : lets open up an lgbt fight club

**ronnieraymond** : we want to punch assholes not each other

**heatwave** : some of us are assholes tho

**spACEbar** : so hartley meeting snart was an experience

**lesbianda** : eye emoji

**spACEbar** : i dont even have the words to describe the amazement on his face when we told him how snart just walked past hartley’s father

**heatwave** : go snart

**bilance** : fuck that really sounds amazing

**spACEbar** : now snart’s lying on the backseat looking all smug because hartley thinks he’s a superhero or something smh

**pipes** : i dont think hes a superhero stfu

**ronnieraymond** : well at least snart brought back his aggression


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> someone has a favour to ask, we learn something about mick and hartley arrives at oliver's house. it's glorious

**captaincold** : yo oliver where do you live ill bring pipes over

**lesbianda** : why will you bring him over i thought eddie would do it

**bilance** : yeah eddie knows how to get here

**notcis-co** : hes barely left my flat in the two days hartley has been here

**notcis-co** : i think he finally got the bodyguard he dreamt of

**oliverking** : uh no offense snart id rather not give you my address

**captaincold** : oh come on i thought id rather asked you when my usual methods didnt give me anything

**captaincold** : you know before i call up my friend cooper

**oliverking** : no idea who cooper is but could you pls not stalk me

**captaincold** : eddie is busy the whole day and cisco and pipes almost started a fire bc they were busy arguing 

**heatwave** : hah nice

**oliverking** : ….

**oliverking** : ill tell tommy to meet you at jitters

**captaincold** : youre a spoilsport oliver jonas queen

**oliverking** : i tolD YOU NOT TO STALK ME

**lesbianda** : oliver youre fucking famous knowing your full name is no hint at stalking

**pipes** : i cant believe ill meet the infamous tommy

**heatwave** : ask him if queen is any good at giving blowjobs

**pipes** : that was the plan

**snowflake** : hey what does barry say about snart’s new obsession with hartley

**captaincold** : why should he say anything

**snowflake** : i thought you were dating now

**captaincold** : we went out for dinner once that’s it so far

**snowflake** : wow okay

**pipes** : besides its not like he fucked me into a mattress

**captaincold** : yet

**pipes** : sadly we were just chilling

**notcis-co** : im alREADY WEIRDED OUT ENOUGH BY HAVING YOU TWO IN MY FLAT YOU WILL NOT HAVE SEX IN HERE

**captaincold** : you could always leave

**notcis-co** : IM NOT LEAVING A GUY I HATE AND A THIEF ALONE IN MY FLAT SO THEY CAN HAVE SEX

**heatwave** : wow i didnt know you were an asshole cisco

**notcis-co** : WHAT THE FUCK

**pipes** : when am i to meet tommy

**bilance** : he’s gonna wake up in like one two hours so i’d say at 3

**irisbest** : who the hell sleeps until 2pm

**bilance** : tommy merlyn

**irisbest** : how

**bilance** : he works at night

**heatwave** : he a prostitute

**bilance** : sadly no, just a bartender

**heatwave** : rip

**spACEbar** : hey guys

**oliverking** : hey barry

**notcis-co** : hey

**lesbianda** : hi

**snowflake** : hello

**spACEbar** : got a favour to ask

**pipes** : they’re great at favours atm

**oliverking** : yeah shoot

**spACEbar** : can yall use they pronouns only for me from now on

**snowflake** : ofc!!!

**lesbianda** : sure thing

**spACEbar** : and like,,, call me bar only

**spACEbar** : idk gotta try things out

**notcis-co** : can i still call you man/dude

**spACEbar** : sure

**notcis-co** : nice

**ronnieraymond** : yay!!!! nbs unite

**heatwave** : hell yea

**lesbianda** : wait what

**irisbest** : this is a revelation

**notcis-co** : next puzzle: micks age

**irisbest** : hes 29 

**heatwave** : stop exposing me

**ronnieraymond** : howwww do you know that

**irisbest** : my dad freaking arrested him

**spACEbar** : did you steal a file from joe

**irisbest** : no it was lying on his table when i was at the station

**heatwave** : what is he doing with my file months after arresting me

**irisbest** : idk maybe jotting down that youre actually going to college

**detectiveprettybi** : youre lucky youre not 30 yet then even iris’ dad wouldnt have been able to get soft on you

**heatwave** : he didnt even go soft on me

**irisbest** : he gives everyone second chances

**captaincold** : like i said, good guy

**oliverking** : i think id rather have been arrested by detective west than lance

**bilance** : gonna tell him that

**oliverking** : NO SARA PLEASE

**detectiveprettybi** : dont get him killed for real making fun of him is too good

**bilance** : youre absolutely right

**bilance** : where have you even been the whole morning my fav bi

**ronnieraymond** : rude

**detectiveprettybi** : i slept in bc id rather pretend i dont have stuff to do and theni had to shower all on my own because someone left my apartment way too early

**bilance** : wow thats very rude of iris

**detectiveprettybi** : ikr

**oliverking** : are you two dating now

**irisbest** : fuck buddies ayoooooooooo

**detectiveprettybi** : nah

**detectiveprettybi** : <3

**bilance** : BWAHAHAHAHA

**bilance** : OH MY GOD

**bilance** : hartley has been here for 5 seconds and oliver’s already shouting at him

**bilance** : and snart REALLy is quite handsome,

**irisbest** : ikr

**ronnieraymond** : what did hart do omg

**notcis-co** : i hope oliver ruins him

**bilance** : HANG ON THIS WAS THE BEST THING

**bilance** : hartley jsut fucking blinked at oliver and took out his hearing aids without showing any fear

**bilance** : snart collapsed on the couch laughing

**irisbest** : WHAT CAUSED THIS

**bilance** : idk man tommy came rushing inside and shouted at oliver for telling random people they had sex

**bilance** : now the whole house knows

**detectiveprettybi** : i feel like your house is a harem any way

**spACEbar** : rt

**bilance** : fuck man yall are invited to come over as often as you want this shit is funny

**oliverking** : im going to sue you all

**oliverking** : for ruining my life and enjoying it

**detectiveprettybi** : shrug emoji


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the first meet up is in planning and snart is annoyed with the ccpd

**oliverking** : is everyone here

**notcis-co** : I'm here

**pipes** : I'm sitting next to you

**irisbest** : hey hartley how is living with a playboy

**captaincold** : anyone dick you down yet

**spACEbar** : why are you liked this

**pipes** : sadly no

**lesbianda** : step up your game

**detectiveprettybi** : you could have the threesome of your life but u playing

**snowflake** : Ronnie and I are here

**captaincold** : mick is currently trying to charm our porter into letting him have a lighter 

**captaincold** : but I speak for him anyway 

**oliverking** : okay

**detectiveprettybi** : sara is not here

**pipes** : she's currently arm wrestling with dig

**lesbianda** : I'm in love

**detectiveprettybi** : same

**captaincold** : I've seen dig and I applaud her guts

**oliverking** : ANYWAY

**oliverking** : meet up?

**spACEbar** : oh PLEASE

**notcis-co** : bar you already have met like 80% of the chat

**irisbest** : yeah but not oliver ;)

**detectiveprettybi** : eye emoji

**lesbianda** : eye emoji

**spACEbar** : ppl I have met: iris ofc, Cisco, snart, eddie, hartley, Caitlin

**spACEbar** : ppl missing: Oliver, sara, Mick, linda, ronnie

**notcis-co** : okay 60%

**notcis-co** : Ronnie, Cait, hartley, iris, bar, snart, eddie, linda

**notcis-co** : that's who I've met

**irisbest** : bar, linda, Cisco, Eddie, snart

**detecticeprettybi** : iris, bar, snart, hartley

**pipes** : Cisco, ronnie, caitlin, snart, Bar, Eddie, Oliver, sara

**lesbianda** : hartley you absolute legend

**snowflake** : does mick even really exist

**irisbest** : yeah

**irisbest** : doesn't even look half bad

**captaincold** : I'll pass that on

**captaincold** : Mick, bar, iris, pipes, Cisco, Eddie, Sara, oliver

**lesbianda** : snart is the real legend he fucking lives with mick

**captaincold** : hell yeah

**notcis-co** : how does that even work

**pipes** : living together means sharing the space you Live at

**notcis-co** : thanks I had no idea

**captaincold** : we live in this apartment building with high security and shit

**captaincold** : we have to share a room but at least the toilets not in it for once

**captaincold** : even have a curfew

**detectiveprettybi** : wow when is that

**captaincold** : midnight

**detecticeprettybi** : wow

**oliverking** : so about the meeting

**oliverking** : since this is a college bound club we'd have to meet somewhere there

**oliverking** : from our texting habits I guess we all have the early evenings free

**irisbest** : how the fuck

**pipes** : Felicity

**detectiveprettybi** : who is that

**pipes** : gf

**detectiveprettybi** : ooohh

**pipes** : she's obsessed with tech and also Oliver barely ever puts his phone away so she??? wrote an algorithm or something

**notcis-co** : wild

**pipes** : ikr

**lesbianda** : wow why are you guys so civil

**notcis-co** : I'm fucking tired

**oliverking** : what do y'all say about Thursday 7pm

**oliverking** : pls only speak up if you cant so i dont get confused

**detectiveprettybi** : you get easily confused huh

**oliverking** : u have 10mins to say something against it

**captaincold** : hey iris could you tell your dad the ccpd needs to hire competent people

**spACEbar** : oh my god what happened

**captaincold** : mick actually fucking got a lighter is what happened

**captaincold** : i went to check after him just in time to stop him from lighting a bush on fire

**notcis-co** : what the fuck

**pipes** : okay but for real whats with him and fire

**captaincold** : hes fucking obsessed with it

**snowflake** : did anyone ever think of getting psychologists for the two of you just asking

**irisbest** : wow nice ronnie

**snowflake** : how’d you know it was me

**irisbest** : cait isnt so fucking blunt

**captaincold** : we both have to see a shrink once a month

**captaincold** : things could be worse

**oliverking** : okay nobody said no we’re going to meet on thursday

**oliverking** : i still have to organize a room but ill let you know

**notcis-co** : looking forward to it!!

**lesbianda** : yeah nice


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> they'd say it's the excitement's fault, but honestly. they're such a mess.

**lesbianda** : is this the calm before the storm

**heatwave** : you bet

**oliverking** : is everyone still on board

**oliverking** : were meeting in one of the geography class rooms

**oliverking** : just try one and if you see me you’re right

**detectiveprettybi** : what a description

**irisbest** : we all know what he looks like so it sprobably simpler than trying to understand how the fuck our college labels rooms

**lesbianda** : true

**notcis-co** : and if someone is too early just wait in the hall?

**oliverking** : thats the plan

**ronnieraymond** : alright

**heatwave** : if anyone sees snart before me tell him he’s a son of a bitch and can go die

**spACEbar** : what did he do

**heatwave** : fucking emptied about literally anything

**heatwave** : coffee, bread, my bodywash???

**spACEbar** : it’s a good bodywash

**detectiveprettybi** : eye emoji

**lesbianda** : eye emoji

**oliverking** : eye emoji

**irisbest** : eye emoji

**notcis-co** : eye emoji

**spACEbar** : leave me alone

**heatwave** : anyway someone smack him in his fucking head

**ronnieraymond** : i doubt any of us will dare to but ill do so imaginarily

**oliverking** : sara would

**detectiveprettybi** : where is she

**oliverking** : class

**spACEbar** : yikes

**lesbianda** : well i gotta get going see yall later

**notcis-co** : WHO ELSE IS EXCITED

**spACEbar** : meeee

**irisbest** : oliver do me a favour and kiss barry’s cheek once

**irisbest** : also my mouth

**oliverking** : i doubt felicity will be a fan of that

**irisbest** : she doesnt need to know ;)

**spACEbar** : what are we even gonna do

**detectiveprettybi** : lord of distraction strikes again

**notcis-co** : whatever we want man

**heatwave** : >:D

**oliverking** : we’re not gonna light a fire

**heatwave** : >:/

**bilance** : good news everyone! I found snart

**bilance** : and hartley

**ronnieraymond** : what

**bilance** : in the hallway

**bilance** : making out

**irisbest** : damn girl u see it all

**pipes** : sara lance is a fucking cockblock

**bilance** : snart was pretty much dryhumping you already stfu

**spACEbar** : hartley did you really want to have sex in a fucking hallway

**pipes** : im a sad and horny deaf gay man whos almost homeless let me live

**oliverking** : youre not fucking almost homeless

**pipes** : im not on the lease

**oliverking** : you werent on your parents’ lease either u fcuker

**detectiveprettybi** : oh oh dad is angry w/ u hart

**pipes** : u just turned half my dreams into incest

**pipes** : eddie is obsessed with incest pass it on

**notcis-co** : whats snart doing now

**bilance** : probably jerking off in the bathroom

**spACEbar** : remind me not to sit with him today

**notcis-co** : you were cONSIDERING SITTING WITH HIM WHEN IM THERE

**spACEbar** : well now im definitely sitting with you

**detectiveprettybi** : does anyone even still understand whats the deal with snart/bar/hartley

**ronnieraymond** : i thought its obvious that hart is for the sex and bar for wine without dine

**heatwave** : honestly who the fuck knows

**ronnieraymond** : and mick kind of is for both? I dont understand

**captaincold** : just living the life

**captaincold** : where are yall even

**heatwave** : id have been there already if i didnt have to stop at a fucking coffeeshop

**captaincold** : oh hey can you get me one too

**heatwave** : fuck off

**pipes** : trouble on cloud 9

**captaincold** : he’ll bring me one anyways bc he fucking loves me

**captaincold** : also wtf bar what did i do to you

**spACEbar** : you probably smell like you just jerked off

**captaincold** : what if i told you i didnt

**notcis-co** : too late bar’s chillin w/ me

**captaincold** : rude

**irisbest** : and he WILL get a kiss from oliver

**oliverking** : when the fuck did i agree to this

**irisbest** : your only concern was your gf you dont fucking mind

**irisbest** : youll make out with us sry babe

**detectiveprettybi** : did you just babe him

**irisbest** : yeah

**oliverking** : guys we cant turn this into a freaking orgy

**oliverking** : were a serious club and im losing money on it

**detectiveprettybi** : ??? would you even notice

**detectiveprettybi** : youre fucking rich

**lesbianda** : were four people chilling in the hall now and hart and snart are eyefucking each other again

**lesbianda** : there comes mick!!! He actually exists

**ronnieraymond** : but did he bring snart a coffee

**lesbianda** : he fucking did

**oliverking** : ill be there in 5

**irisbest** : eddie bar and i are on our way too

**notcis-co** : us too!!

**bilance** : yay!


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> in the aftermath of the meet.up, the group is missing a member

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> everyone developes a crush on mick and im blaming me watching prison break and realizing how truly hot dom purcell is for that

**snowflake** : mick rory, the man, the legend

**lesbianda** : same ronnie i still cant believe

**ronnieraymond** : wtf that actually was cait

**bilance** : amazing

**lesbianda** : did we all collectively develop a crush on mick

**irisbest** : yeah

**notcis-co** : guy’s thicc

**pipes** : cisquito he could destroy you with one hand

**snowflake** : cisquito

**irisbest** : cisquito

**spACEbar** : cisquito

**bilance** : cisquito

**detectiveprettybi** : so much happened last night and at the same time not

**irisbest** : ikr

**captaincold** : what was everyone’s highlight

**ronnieraymond** : the girls all fitting on mick’s lap

**irisbest** : oliver jonas queen

**detectiveprettybi** : i cant believe you fell for my arch enemy

**detectiveprettybi** : youre only using me for sex

**snowflake** : why are yall ignoring the real big thing

**irisbest** : eddie honey that was the arrangement

**detectiveprettybi** : i know

**lesbianda** : cait do you mean the fact that cisco and hartley spend 3 hours in the same room and both are still alive

**snowflake** : no i mean the fact that bar and snart finally fucking kissed

**captaincold** : who said it was the first time wtf

**oliverking** : bar’s face

**notcis-co** : ^

**ronnieraymond** : where is bar even

**captaincold** : idk they left like half an hour ago

**snowflake** : WHAT

**irisbest** : what

**lesbianda** : holy shit

**pipes** : im heartbroken

**notcis-co** : THEY SPENT THE NIGHT WITH YOU?

**notcis-co** : what did mick say about that

**captaincold** : considering he was like a fucking blanket for the two of us

**ronnieraymond** : i need more info

**ronnieraymond** : am i asking for myself or for caitlin who might be drowning herself in the shower

**captaincold** : we watched a movie together, bar fell asleep and mick decided he’s being a lazy ass

**captaincold** : hes still fucking sleeping

**oliverking** : are they home yet @ iris

**irisbest** : idk man im not at home

**pipes** : youre at eddie’s place more often than not

**irisbest** : who said im at eddie’s place

**pipes** : EYE EMOJI

**irisbest** : jk i am

**captaincold** : smh what does our dear detective say about that

**lesbianda** : look at one of joe’s kids spending the night with a criminal, the other with a cop 2 be

**irisbest** : tbh i think we all expected it to be the other way around

**lesbianda** : yeah because bar is a baby

**notcis-co** : i feel like i should argue on their behalf but they really are

**irisbest** : im glad my dad’s chill with none of his kids being straight

**irisbest** : wally was close to having a panic attack when he told me hes pan

**captaincold** : are you telling me you have another sibling, who’s actually pan and keep them from us

**irisbest** : he’s a literal baby

**irisbest** : he’s 17 

**pipes** : aw

**oliverking** : wtf hartley you’re only 2 years older

**pipes** : yes but im a fucking genius

**captaincold** : and horny 24/7

**pipes** : true

**pipes** : speaking of

**bilance** : yes invite snart over for sex when we still dont know where the fuck bar disappeared to after they spent the night together

**pipes** : well im not saying that was the plan

**notcis-co** : it was the plan

**irisbest** : children worry no more i know where our most beloved ace is

**ronnieraymond** : i thought we agreed that mick is our most beloved ace

**irisbest** : most beloved nb

**ronnieraymond** : still mick

**snowflake** : COULD YOU TELL US WHERE BAR IS

**irisbest** : at home

**lesbianda** : i sense a story time coming

**irisbest** : here i sit on eddie’s bed when my dad calls me

**detectiveprettybi** : *eddie’s dick

**notcis-co** : oh boy

**pipes** : oh

**snowflake** : OH M Y GOD

**irisbest** : he asked me where i am so i said im at linda’s (sorry pls cover for me)

**lesbianda** : hm kay

**irisbest** : and then we chat a bit until he suddenly goes

**irisbest** : “honey you dont happen to know what barry has to do with leonard snart and mick rory”

**irisbest** : you fucking idiots

**irisbest** : your apartment building has security cameras to check if you keep your curfew

**irisbest** : and facial recognition

**captaincold** : oh fuck

**pipes** : HAHAHA OH MY GOD

**irisbest** : so the fucking alarm on my dad’s phone goes off bc he put one in case we are anywhere we shouldnt be

**irisbest** : and now barry is grounded bc he obviously wont tell my dad that hes halfway dating a criminal

**notcis-co** : holy shit

**lesbianda** : you only have one option snart: you need to leave the country

**snowflake** : star crossed lovers

**oliverking** : we dont have a single fucking calm minute here do we

**heatwave** : who had snart fucking storming out of the room and waking me up

**ronnieraymond** : scroll up

**heatwave** : well hes a dead man

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [here's](http://archiveofourown.org/works/12255837/chapters/27849351) the first of the interludes i've mentioned earlier, set to make your coldflash hearts explode


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> after snart's disappearance, hartley has a breakdown. and iris is a freaking hero

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you all for the AMAZING feedback!!! <3

**pipes** : is it sad i kinda hoped snart would choose to hide here

**oliverking** : yes what the fuck is wrong with you

**lesbianda** : so did snart leave the country now

**heatwave** : he may have a lot of connections but thats off his game

**irisbest** : guys i dont even dare going home

**irisbest** : i cant fucking lie to my dad

**notcis-co** : take eddie with you

**irisbest** : cOUNTER PRODUCTIVE

**irisbest** : like i said my dad doesnt fucking trust men which is funny since all his kids are attracted to men

**lesbianda** : well your dad is fucking clever

**snowflake** : hey oliver make your tech gf hack the ccpd and look how bad the footage is

**heatwave** : we just fucking walked into the building last night its not like they were sucking each other’s dicks on cam

**pipes** : you dont know what they did this morning do you

**notcis-co** : BAR IS A SEX REPULSED ACE PERSON

**pipes** : ah right

**oliverking** : why are we even worrying about bar when we know they’re in their room we should be worried for snart

**oliverking** : the guy has police after him now

**irisbest** : fine im going home to check if dad’s still there

**ronnieraymond** : iris ann west

**notcis-co** : not the hero we deserve

**snowflake** : but the hero we need

**pipes** : what the fuck are you people

**heatwave** : nerds

**detectiveprettybi** : there she goes

**notcis-co** : like a shooting star

**oliverking** : make you wanna play

**ronnieraymond** : makes all the boys them say

**detectiveprettybi** : THERE SHE GOES

**oliverking** : THERE SHE GOES

**ronnieraymond** : THERE SHE GOES

**notcis-co** : THERE SHE GOES

**heatwave** : nerds

**pipes** : hey mick what movie did you guys even watch

**heatwave** : return of the dragon

**notcis-co** : shit is snart into martial arts

**heatwave** : nah

**heatwave** : i am

**bilance** : holy shit

**pipes** : no offense

**pipes** : all respect to you being ace

**pipes** : but i heard you and snart had sex multiple times

**pipes** : would you mind fucking me too

**lesbianda** : WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU

**pipes** : NOBODY IS FUCKING MY ASS

**notcis-co** : WHY ARE YOU SO OBSESSED WITH BEING FUCKED

**pipes** : IM A BOTTOM WHO HASNT HAD SEX IN A YEAR

**pipes** : YALL JUST HAVE TO WHISTLE AND SOMEBODY IS INSIDE OF YOU

**pipes** : AND IM JUST BEING COCKBLOCKED ALL THE TIME

**bilance** : youre really upset about this arent you

**pipes** : yes

**pipes** : tommy keeps saying im jailbait whICH IM NOT

**oliverking** : you fucking hit on tommy

**pipes** : well i figured if he has you sucking his dick

**detectiveprettybi** : i love how were never living this down

**heatwave** : one day snart will fuck you

**pipes** : i hope rather sooner than later

**bilance** : can we get the house dad to comfort pipes

**pipes** : NO

**oliverking** : oh yes i would pay money for that

**ronnieraymond** : i put my phone away for 5 minutes and hart has a break down

**ronnieraymond** : who is the house dad

**oliverking** : dig

**notcis-co** : i thought he was your bodyguard

**oliverking** : yeah but hes also very wise and fatherly

**ronnieraymond** : how old is he

**oliverking** : early thirties

**snowflake** : amazing

**lesbianda** : i want to meet dig

**bilance** : he’s basically a black mick

**heatwave** : the fuck

**ronnieraymond** : THERE’S TWO OF THEM

**lesbianda** : life is amazing

**oliverking** : i wouldnt say hes a black mick,,,

**detectiveprettybi** : dig mick it fucking rhymes

**snowflake** : hey eddie how far is it from your place to iris’

**detectiveprettybi** : should have a arrived a bit ago but maybe the detective is interrogating her

**heatwave** : snart isnt picking up he might already be dead

**pipes** : youre very unconcerned about that

**heatwave** : hes a fucking idiot he deserves it

**bilance** : look at that love

**ronnieraymond** : #bromance

**lesbianda** : did you guys ever get new coffee btw

**heatwave** : shit i forgot about that

**heatwave** : first he drinks my coffee then he goes awol

**detectiveprettybi** : dont forget the bodywash

**heatwave** : I CANT EVEN TAKE A SHOWER BECAUSE OF THIS MOTHERFUCKER

**snowflake** : can we talk about how bar shared a bed with two people who smell like their beloved bodywash

**notcis-co** : they deserve it

**captaincold** : well people

**ronnieraymond** : HE LIVES

**captaincold** : i am now officially and exclusively dating bar allen

**pipes** : NO


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> snart and iris had a bet going on, remember?

**pipes** : WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE

**bilance** : he’s literally screaming in his room

**snowflake** : DETAILS

**captaincold** : did you all think i was a coward wtf ppl

**captaincold** : i OBVIOUSLY went to talk to detective west and explain the situation

**notcis-co** : “hey detective i met your kid in a groupchat that talks about sex 24/7 and im going out with them while simultaneously getting shit on with another dude and sometimes my roommate”

**captaincold** : told him i met bar in the library which technically isnt even a fucking lie right

**captaincold** : ofc he doesnt trust me bc the guy arrested me while i tried to steal shit at a gala

**captaincold** : so i go on about how i changed and really want to live a normal life

**captaincold** : so in response he pretty much asks me if i had sex with bar

**bilance** : oh my god

**oliverking** : did he threaten you with his gun

**captaincold** : hell yeah

**lesbianda** : how’s the boner situation

**captaincold** : i told him that i care about bar which again is no lie and he just goes “im keeping an eye on you”

**captaincold** : mind you all of that happened while bar was still in their room

**snowflake** : oh shit

**captaincold** : so the detective bellows upstairs about HOW BARRY YOUR BOYFRIEND IS HERE

**captaincold** : they were so confused when they came downstairs

**captaincold** : i now understand what a deer in headlights looks like

**ronnieraymond** : why does that mean youre actually dating now

**lesbianda** : joe is going to fucking watch every step he takes

**lesbianda** : theres no way he could not actually date bar

**captaincold** : right

**captaincold** : i mean its not even slightly bad so whatever right

**pipes** : WHATEVER RIGHT

**pipes** : WHY IS MY LIFE A SHIT SHOW

**detectiveprettybi** : ?? congrats?

**notcis-co** : insert if u hurt them speech here that totally sounds believable

**heatwave** : yeah hes fucking scared of you

**captaincold** : and now to a more stressing matter

**captaincold** : do yall think this counts as charming the detective

**irisbest** : it fucking does not

**irisbest** : you wont get those 20$

**oliverking** : he was inside your home how do you know he didnt just steal something worth 20 bucks

**lesbianda** : i love how oliver just cant get over snart being a thief

**detectiveprettybi** : detective west didnt kill him so i guess its charming

**notcis-co** : he doesnt trust him tho so no

**heatwave** : i count yes so snart can pay me back

**oliverking** : i say no

**pipes** : i say yes

**snowflake** : i vote no sorry snart

**snowflake** : also hey hart you dont shout anymore

**pipes** : dig threatened me

**bilance** : it was glorious

**bilance** : also i say no

**ronnieraymond** : i say yes

**lesbianda** : bitch me too every man who isnt shot by joe has charmed him

**spACEbar** : i guess im obligated to say yes bc i got a boyfriend out of this

**captaincold** : hell yeah

**irisbest** : why is the number of groupchat members even

**pipes** : dig says it doesnt count

**irisbest** : I LOVE YOU DIG WHATSYOURNAME

**captaincold** : mick i demand a showdown between you and dig

**bilance** : HELL YEAH

**ronnieraymond** : YES PLS

**heatwave** : kiss my ass

**captaincold** : im no longer allowed to

**pipes** : i cant believe snart is an ascetic now

**notcis-co** : hartley just cant get over it

**pipes** : well i certainly cant get under it either

**lesbianda** : i cant believe bar and snart are dating

**lesbianda** : the poor soul

**spACEbar** : :)

**heatwave** : dont be digusting

**irisbest** : define disgusting

**heatwave** : … romantic

**ronnieraymond** : HEY MICK ARE YOU AROMANTIC

**heatwave** : yeah

**notcis-co** : WE FINALLY FIGURED IT OUT

**lesbianda** : mick, the legend: aroace nb 29 he/him

**notcis-co** : thank god this was keeping me awake at night

**pipes** : im going to dream of mick from now on too

**pipes** : i wont get my hopes up irl so he cant crush my heart

**detectiveprettybi** : or your dick

**oliverking** : then again mick is not sex repulsed form what i gathered

**heatwave** : nah im not

**pipes** : WHY ARE YOU GUYS LIKE THIS IM GOING TO GET A PROSTITUTE

**bilance** : ask tommy’s dad he might know where to get a clean one

**irisbest** : what the fuck

**detectiveprettybi** : ur families never cease to amaze me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> you can pry aroace agender mick rory from these hands AFTER MY DEATH


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> cisco is gone for a few days and hartley takes action at that

**notcis-co** : somebody kill me please

**pipes** : sure thing

**oliverking** : what's wrong

**notcis-co** : I'm flying to a family reunion today and I'd rather die

**lesbianda** : are they giving you any shit

**notcis-co** : well they're not exactly transphobic 

**notcis-co** : but they don't get it either

**notcis-co** : my abuela always gives me money tho

**captaincold** : saaame my bubbie always gave me money and sweets

**oliverking** : what the hell is a bubbie

**detectiveprettybi** : ffs it's a Jewish grandma how can one person be so ignorant

**bilance** : YOUR GF IS JEWISH 

**oliverking** : I'm sorry she calls her grandma grandma 

**spACEbar** : do you have anyone you get along with cisco

**notcis-co** : uhhhhhhhhhhhhhh not 100%

**detectiveprettybi** : 90%?

**notcis-co** : hell I get along with them all I just don't really enjoy spending time with them

**heatwave** : then don't go

**notcis-co** : my abuelo turns 80 I can't just not go there

**bilance** : damn

**lesbianda** : I'm sending you all my good vibes 

**notcis-co** : well ANYWAYS I don't know if ill have internet there so I'm wishing you guys a good time

**pipes** : how long will you be gone tho

**notcis-co** : till Wednesday

**pipes** : awesome

**notcis-co** : thanks

**spACEbar** : I can't believe you'd leave me alone in chem

**notcis-co** : sorry man

**captaincold** : I can take cisco's place in your class

**spACEbar** : no you'll only distract me

**bilance** : ;)

**captaincold** : I can't believe you'd actually want to listen to an old guy ramble about reactions when we could actually have one

**spACEbar** : you were late for our first official date because you were reading up on van gogh

**captaincold** : he was a fucked up dude I'm not gonna apologize for that

**lesbianda** : guys we were saying goodbye to Cisco

**spACEbar** : right

**spACEbar** : I hope you have a good time I'll miss you

**captaincold** : just call if anything goes wrong I'll punch some people

**heatwave** : we aren't allowed to leave central city you fucker

**captaincold** : y'all didn't remember that when you thought I was running from detective west

**notcis-co** : OKAY BYE

**irisbest** : bye!

**pipes** : you're never getting over this are you snart

**spACEbar** : it only happened yesterday 

**lesbianda** : I still can't believe he still lives

**spACEbar** : last night when i came home joe took me aside and said I should be careful bc it could be a ploy to get back at him

**ronnieraymond** : I knew it snart is only using bar

**captaincold** : why do I always get painted as the bad guy

**oliverking** : thief

**lesbianda** : “orphan at heart”

**bilance** : “Sara seems like she'd cut of my dick so hot”

**captaincold** : okay so I have issues

**detecticeprettybi** : the glorious time he didnt take shit from hart’s parents tho

**snowflake** : I think it's remarkable he actually faced Joe

**heatwave** : self destructive tendencies 

**captaincold** : et tu brute

**spACEbar** : leave my boyfriend alone

**captaincold** : :3c

**lesbianda** : … that's almost cute

**ronnieraymond** : did you guys just get Linda's approval

**captaincold** : hell yes

**captaincold** : bar come make out with me to celebrate

**spACEbar** : omw

**snowflake** : wow

**irisbest** : they actually left the house kflflf

**oliverking** : THAT REMINDS ME

**oliverking** : hartley how far are with your essay

**pipes** : not very why

**oliverking** : fuck

**oliverking** : mom's coming over tomorrow and I doubt she'd enjoy having to listen to your music

**bilance** : you others must now that productivity for hartley means to take out his aids, put some pop punk on as loud as possible and ignore the world

**pipes** : the vibrations help me concentrate shut up

**detecticeprettybi** : the vibrations ;)

**lesbianda** : hartley needs to finally get laid

**pipes** : Find Me A Man

**pipes** : other than that whatever then I'll just go work somewhere else

**ronnieraymond** : they won't let you listen to music in the library

**pipes** : who said anything about the library

**detectiveprettybi** : Where are you planning to go

**pipes** : well i heard cisco's apartment is empty for a few days

**heatwave** : someone meet me for coffee i want to talk shit about snart

**lesbianda** : hell yeah I'll be there in 30

**ronnieraymond** : Hart I will not give you the key to cisco's apartment

**pipes** : I don't need a fucking key

**oliverking** : okay then I don't have to explain why this house gets more and more inhabitants

**snowflake** : I doubt your mum would be pissed that you took in someone fleeing from their homophobic parents 

**bilance** : honestly we don't know

**bilance** : you never know with moira

**detectiveprettybi** : she sounds like a really interesting woman

**bilance** : you dont know half of it

**oliverking** : one of these days tommy is gonna kill hartley

**irisbest** : what did he do

**oliverking** : kissed his cheek before he left

**oliverking** : tommy is just gaping into the direction of the door

**detectiveprettybi** : I LOVE HARTLEY

**oliverking** : great would you please have sex with him so he finally calms down

**ronnieraymond** : is he actually going to cisco’s place omg

**bilance** : he definitely took enough shit with him

**bilance** : haha omg tommy started screaming in high pitched voice

**snowflake** : what is he saying

**bilance** : nothing just a long loud and annoying AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

**irisbest** : ah yes

**bilance** : [image attached]

**detectiveprettybi** : JUST FUCKING SCREAMING INTO OLIVER’S FACE I CAN RELATE

**ronnieraymond** : fuck thats worth it

**ronnieraymond** : please dont destroy anything that cisco owns @ hartley

**bilance** : im sure you only gave him ideas now

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> jewish snart comes from [Hagim](http://archiveofourown.org/works/7557550/chapters/17189824) by [nirejseki](http://archiveofourown.org/users/nirejseki/pseuds/nirejseki). Go read it, it's amazing!!


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> everytime someone calls joe "the detective" i go 'wow sick lucifer reference' at myself

**spACEbar** : so did hartley fucking break into cisco’s flat

**ronnieraymond** : no idea if he hasnt responded until 8 im gonna go check

**spACEbar** : sounds reasonable

**bilance** : that was a long make out session

**spACEbar** : did tommy ever calm down

**oliverking** : bar allen - lord of distraction forever and always

**captaincold** : yall are so fucking nosy if i want to snog my datemate for hours let me fucking do it

**detectiveprettybi** : we did let you do it

**oliverking** : otherwise yeah tommy stopped screaming

**oliverking** : still mutters under his breath

**snowflake** : hes not like offended by hart is he

**oliverking** : nah hes just annoyed and maybe embarrassed idk

**ronnieraymond** : sweet

**spACEbar** : and linda and mick really are out together?

**captaincold** : well he definitely left the room before you arrived

**bilance** : why are you two texting

**spACEbar** : im on my way to family dinner whICH IM LATE FOR

**detectiveprettybi** : omg did the detective scold you two

**captaincold** : no thank god it was iris who called

**spACEbar** : leonard snart, certified idiot, fucking picked up MY phone

**snowflake** : oh my god 

**ronnieraymond** : just be glad it wasnt the detective

**oliverking** : he’d have killed you

**captaincold** : well he must have already seen that bar was here so like

**bilance** : oh right

**bilance** : does anyone else think its really creepy the detective actually keeps watch on you

**spACEbar** : well the camera is installed anyway

**detectiveprettybi** : yeah but doesnt he have an alert for you and iris

**detectiveprettybi** : thats probably a disrespect to privacy

**bilance** : especially since youre off age

**oliverking** : yeah but bar’s not even 21 yet isn’t that still like an arguable zone

**captaincold** : oh my god

**captaincold** : bar youre only 20

**ronnieraymond** : did you actually fucking forget

**captaincold** : our age difference is so big i didnt fucking realize

**snowflake** : i doubt its actually problematic

**ronnieraymond** : yeah you know what would have been weird

**ronnieraymond** : mick/hart

**ronnieraymond** : ten whole years

**bilance** : this is getting way too real here can we switch topics

**spACEbar** : yes thank god

**oliverking** : what superpowers would yall love to have

**captaincold** : time travel

**bilance** : hmmmm languages

**spACEbar** : teleportation so i can be on time once

**snowflake** : good question

**snowflake** : getting the right diagnosis with only one glance?

**oliverking** : id go with invisibility tbh

**ronnieraymond** : smart since youre freaking famous

**ronnieraymond** : id like to uhhhhh have xray vision

**captaincold** : mick would want to be a fucking flamethrower i tell you

**detectiveprettybi** : fuck

**detectiveprettybi** : endless stamina my friends

**bilance** : oho

**detectiveprettybi** : necessary for being a good cop

**bilance** : sure. for being a cop.

**spACEbar** : okay guys I'm heading inside wish me luck

**ronnieraymond** : who wants to bet they're  getting grounded again

**bilance** : well do you expect them to say “sry for being late I was busy making out with Leonard Snart" 

**bilance** : they'll be grounded for not saying anything yet again

**oliverking** : this is ridiculous the poor kid has less freedom than me and i have a fucking bodyguard

**captaincold** : bar’s just not as smooth a liar as iris is

**detectiveprettybi** : Mission Free Bar Allen

**captaincold** : I vote that Linda has a stern talk with the detective

**bilance** : why Linda

**captaincold** : a) she knows him b) she likes him c) he doesn't fucking want her dead

**snowflake** : so he does want you dead

**captaincold** : probably

**ronnieraymond** : well guys I'm gonna head to cisco's apartment

**detecticeprettybi** : good luck

**lesbianda** : snart you're a fucker and I will not talk to Joe for you

**captaincold** : whatever Mick told you was nothing but lies and slander

**snowflake** : do it for bar

**lesbianda** : I'm still not sure about their whole relationship like?? If joe hadn't happened snart would still be playing

**captaincold** : bar didnt fucking mind 

**captaincold** : also it would have gotten real sooner or later anyway

**snowflake** : AW

**bilance** : awwww

**detectiveprettybi** : snart actually has a fucking crush on bar I can't believe

**captaincold** : shut up im dating them

**oliverking** : hey Linda what dirt did you get on snart

**lesbianda** : not much

**lesbianda** : where I thought I'd get embarrassing childhood stories I got complaints about what a terrible roommate he is

**snowflake** : well they did only meet in juvie

**lesbianda** : Mick's greatest concern is that snart actually makes him eat vegetables

**detectiveprettybi** : someone tell the detective about what a good human being snart is

**captaincold** : I'm actually a vegetarian 

**oliverking** : suddenly I see you in a whole different light

**oliverking** : snart probably stole shit bc he thought it meant recycling 

**bilance** : who are you to fucking roast snart

**detecticeprettybi** : yeah detective west is the man for that job

**lesbianda** : or one of these days Mick is gonna do it literally

**ronnieraymond** : hartley isn't in cisco's flat

**ronnieraymond** : also doesn't look like he's been here

**heatwave** : he could be sitting in the forest or smth who the fuck knows

**oliverking** : that sounds so unlike him

**snowflake** : I just hope he's alright

**bilance** : his parents decided it would be better to pretend he never existed so I don't think they'd go after him

**captaincold** : holy fuck I'm going

**lesbianda** : if you commit a murder Joe really won't let you date bar

**captaincold** : damn

**ronnieraymond** : anyway I'm going back home axel sounds like he's destroying his flat and I'd rather not be here for that

**bilance** : who's axel

**snowflake** : cisco's neighbour 

**heatwave** : I hope that destruction involves an explosion

**detecticeprettybi** : mick no

**heatwave** : Mick yes


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> cisco is out there destroying gender roles and _something_ has happened.

**notcis-co** : do you ever just ruin a kid's education

**bilance** : hey there Cisco how are things 

**notcis-co** : this girl tapped my shoulder and starts “hey miss--”

**detecticeprettybi** : oh fuck sorry

**notcis-co** : I turn around and she obviously sees that I'm not a girl

**notcis-co** : AND SHE WAS GENUINELY SO CONFUSED

**notcis-co** : THIS SMALL CHILD COULDNT COMPREHEND THAT A BOY COULD HAVE LONG HAIR

**notcis-co** : so I told her all about how her parents are raising her wrong and that you can have whatever hairstyle you want

**notcis-co** : even told her boys can wear skirts too

**lesbianda** : fighting heteronormativity one step at a time

**oliverking** : fucking hero

**notcis-co** : she told me she actually wants short hair but thought she couldn't get it

**snowflake** : oh no :(

**notcis-co** : anyway give me a few minutes while I catch up on what I missed

**notcis-co** : I love bar/snart I'm a big fan

**captaincold** : at least one person

**snowflake** : hey what about me

**captaincold** : you're on board with everything 

**lesbianda** : Cisco is that all you have to say

**notcis-co** : yeah

**ronnieraymond** : I'd have thought you'd want me to defend your apartment for the rest of the night in case hart comes around after all

**notcis-co** : nah its fine last time he was there he behaved himself too

**lesbianda** : wtf youre actually trusting him

**lesbianda** : character development 

**notcis-co** : he just shouldn't put on his music too loudly bc as much noise as axel makes he's a fucking asshole who'd like me thrown out

**lesbianda** : again, you're only giving him ideas

**notcis-co** : if he does get me thrown out I'll just move into the house too and make his life hell on a daily basis

**bilance** : sounds more like a plan

**captaincold** : welcome to the fucking 90s bar just sent me an email

**captaincold** : they're all grounded and Joe took their phones

**captaincold** : even the baby brother

**notcis-co** : what the fuck did they do

**captaincold** : apparently iris did say it's weird Joe keeps an eye on them at all times

**captaincold** : Wally agreed

**captaincold** : and bar is fucked because they “chose me over family time”

**lesbianda** : fine I'll talk to Joe but only because this is ridiculous

**lesbianda** : I'll chat him up at the station tomorrow

**oliverking** : but Joe doesn't like… punish them does he

**detectiveprettybi** : he's a cop ofc not

**captaincold** : that doesn't guarantee good parenting trust me

**captaincold** : but no I think he's really a good guy just a little overprotective 

**notcis-co** : understandable 

**notcis-co** : okay ppl I'm leaving the airport as we speak goodbye free wi-fi you were good to me

**bilance** : enjoy yourself!!!

**ronnieraymond** : dont forget to call tonight!

**detectiveprettybi** : absent members at this point: cisco, bar, iris, pipes and so far mick?

**captaincold** : hes napping

**bilance** : aw

**lesbianda** : he said he didnt get much sleep bc snart keeps talking in his sleep

**captaincold** : THAT FUCKER

**ronnieraymond** : oh ym god what about

**lesbianda** : lately bar

**snowflake** : DJFKLFLFLF

**bilance** : holy shit

**oliverking** : /snart/

**ronnieraymond** : maybe snart is contemplating leaving the country after all

**bilance** : i wouldnt put it past him

**bilance** : snart, being caught with a feel: [throws himself into a vortex]

**lesbianda** : probably

**pipes** : SOMETIMES

**pipes** : SOMETHING BEAUTIFUL HAPPENS IN THIS WORLD

**oliverking** : OOHHHH

**pipes** : YOU DONT KNOW HOW TO EXPRESS YOURSELF

**detectiveprettybi** : SO

**pipes** : SO YOU JUST GOTTA SING

**pipes** : I

**pipes** : JUST

**pipes** : HAD

**pipes** : SEEEEEEEEEX

**bilance** : FOR REAL

**detectiveprettybi** : AY CONGRATS

**captaincold** : woah what with whom

**lesbianda** : maybe he’ll fucking calm down now

**pipes** : with cisco’s neighbour lmao

**ronnieraymond** : ARE YOU TELLING ME THOSE DESTRUCTIVE NOISES COMING FROM AXEL’S FLAT

**ronnieraymond** : WAS YOU GUYS HAVING SEX

**pipes** : well yeah

**detectiveprettybi** : fuck

**pipes** : guy’s kinky

**pipes** : there might be a hole in his wall now im not sure

**captaincold** : holy shit

**captaincold** : one day pipes 

**captaincold** : one day

**lesbianda** : SNART

**captaincold** : i didnt say anything

**pipes** : anyway hey ronnie tell cisco thanks for texting me where to find a key

**pipes** : makes the whole thing easier

**oliverking** : i cant believe you fucked cisco’s neighbour

**pipes** : technically he fucked me

**snowflake** : why is this chat like this

**ronnieraymond** : please dont have sex in cisco’s flat

**pipes** : im not an asshole

**detectiveprettybi** : eh

**pipes** : okay i might be but cisco’s flat is safe

**lesbianda** : weve waited so long for this to happen and now it’s finally done

**lesbianda** : i hope it keeps you from the next breakdown

**oliverking** : oh boy me too

**bilance** : hey hartley did you really spent hours having sex when youre deadline is at noon

**pipes** : SHIT I ONLY HAVE TWELVE HOURS LEFT

**captaincold** : at least you might be able to concentrate now


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> hartley comes back home and linda talks to joe

**lesbianda** : this chat has been silent for more than 24 hours are you guys okay

**bilance** : we had ollie’s mum over

**irisbest** : i only got my phone back like ten minutes ago and tried to catch up

**spACEbar** : ^

**oliverking** : hey guys we missed you

**irisbest** : hey hartley congrats on the sex

**oliverking** : hes still @ cisco’s place i think

**oliverking** : or at axel’s

**irisbest** : amazing

**spACEbar** : anyone seen snart he doesnt answer me

**lesbianda** : nope

**bilance** : haha did you read THAT HE DREAMS ABOUT YOU

**spACEbar** : that might be the reason i wanted to talk to him…………

**oliverking** : more like make the fuck out with him?

**lesbianda** : hey bar do you actually call him snart

**spACEbar** : uh not all the time

**spACEbar** : around other people yeah

**bilance** : imagine if your first name was your pet name

**lesbianda** : mick calls him lenny sometimes

**spACEbar** : MICK CALLED HIM LENNY THE OTHER DAY

**irisbest** : this is so cute what the fuck

**oliverking** : where’s caitlin she’d flip out at this

**bilance** : who the fuck knows

**bilance** : oh that reminds me 

**bilance** : if anyone wants to get smashed tonight come over we’re hosting a birthday party

**spACEbar** : it’s a monday

**lesbianda** : bar youre literally dating a criminal i would have thought you’d be more adventurous

**spACEbar** : i feel like nobody here ever has classes wtf

**irisbest** : whos birthday is it

**lesbianda** : apropos classes gotta go

**oliverking** : ray, a friend of ours

**bilance** : felicity’s ex

**irisbest** : why do you guys all stay friends with your exes wtf

**bilance** : were a lovely bunch 

**oliverking** : hey linda don’t forget what you promised snart

**lesbianda** : yeah, in my break

**bilance** : awesome

**bilance** : we gotta go to we have to prepare shit

**irisbest** : good luck!! Ill definitely come

**spACEbar** : iris we literally just got out from being grounded

**irisbest** : lol im sure snart will want to show up for a few hours too as soon as hes heard about this

**spACEbar** : correction mick will want to stop by and snart has to keep him in check

**irisbest** : still meaning he’ll be there so you’ll probably also be there

**spACEbar** : … maybe

**heatwave** : YES LETS GET DRUNK

**spACEbar** : see

**heatwave** : also snart’s actually on his way to your place

**heatwave** : figured youd be allowed to leave again

**spACEbar** : oh fuck im not even home

**irisbest** : im sure i can keep him entertained

**spACEbar** : give me ten minutes

**captaincold** : where the hell are you

**heatwave** : my fav /running/ gag is bar having to run from one place to the other

**spACEbar** : getting new lenses for my microscope

**captaincold** : i cant believe youd choose that over me

**spACEbar** : shut up i need them for tomorrow

**irisbest** : love birds <3

**captaincold** : hey but the detective is not at home is he

**irisbest** : no you can just ring the bell ill let you in

**captaincold** : aight

**oliverking** : hey guys can you explain to pipes why its not okay to just adopt a street rat

**heatwave** : let the kid have a pet he doesnt have anything else

**oliverking** : ILL BUY HIM A NEW RAT BUT NOT ONE THAT LIVED IN A GUTTER

**heatwave** : fucking rich boy

**irisbest** : did he really just bring one home

**oliverking** : yeah 

**pipes** : his name is shriek and i dont wanna give him up

**oliverking** : i beg you im gonna go and buy you a house rat tomorrow

**oliverking** : you didnt even fucking bath it first

**snowflake:**  hartley that’s really not hygienic or healthy

**snowflake** : oliver’s right you should get one from a pet shop

**pipes** : fine

**pipes** : but only because you didnt say only because they’re “disgusting”

**detectiveprettybi** : where did you even get it

**pipes** : chilled in axel’s flat

**snowflake** : YOU SHOULDNT TAKE ANYTHING THAT LIVES IN AXEL’S FLAT

**irisbest** : he actually took axel who lives in axel’s flat

**snowflake** : and i sure hope they used condoms

**pipes** : ofc im not an idiot

**snowflake** : im glad

**detectiveprettybi** : hey does anyone wanna join me in gym im bored

**heatwave** : im not a member

**detectiveprettybi** : first three times are for free

**heatwave** : heck yes im in

**pipes** : enjoy the view @ eddie

**bilance** : okay who of yall comes tonight

**pipes** : me obvsly

**irisbest** : me!

**irisbest** : apparently mick, snart and bar too

**irisbest** : and since he’s hanging out with mick im guessing eddie too

**snowflake** : i have to study and idk if ronnie will come

**snowflake** : xe’s currently in a call with cisco so i cant ask

**lesbianda** : okay lmao joe says hell give you guys a lil more space

**lesbianda** : also he said he doesnt trust snart and bar should dump him as soon as possible

**lesbianda** : but he wouldnt argue anymore if bar’s dad is ok with them

**irisbest** : YOURE THE BEST

**irisbest** : hang on

**captaincold** : HAHA NICE

**captaincold** : bar’s dad fucking loves me

**irisbest** : wait what

**pipes** : what

**lesbianda** : what

**snowflake** : WHAT

**lesbianda** : also how come youve been absent the whole time but as soon as i write this

**irisbest** : i shouted at them to check the chat

**irisbest** : were all still in the house ya know

**captaincold** : lmao i met henry already and were kinda friends? 

**snowflake** : what

**captaincold** : life works in mysterious ways

**spACEbar** : they met in prison dont even ask me

**captaincold** : i didnt even realize until i saw a picture of him in bar’s room

**irisbest** : your background check sucks

**captaincold** : jokes on you i never did one on bar

**captaincold** : just kept the illusion alive

**captaincold** : you others though…

**lesbianda** : well then congrats on being allowed to date

**lesbianda** : also congrats on you all for your freedom

**spACEbar** : thank you linda!

**irisbest** : thank you linda!

**captaincold** : thank you linda!

 

**ronnieraymond** left the chat

  
**pipes** : what did just happen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> henry being in prison is a common knowledge (as is bar's belief in him being innocent, though whether the others share it is up to you) jsyk


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> conspiracy theories(TM)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm too sick to look at my screen long enough to answer yalls comments but they're appreciated

**spACEbar** : what

**irisbest** : where did xe go

**lesbianda** : did we do anything

**captaincold** : honestly i have no idea what about the last conversation should have been more scandalous than before

**pipes** : ??????? caitlin????

**pipes** : maybe the chat fucked up or xe pressed a wrong button

**lesbianda** : the only person who more than tolerates hartley! no!

**pipes** : wow

**lesbianda** : love ya

**captaincold** : wlw/mlm solidarity is real

**spACEbar** : but seriously? 

**captaincold** : oh i see we’re discussing conspiracy theories in person now

**lesbianda** : really

**captaincold** : yeah iris came in, flung herself on bar’s bed and now they’re discussing what could have happened

**captaincold** : regardless of the fact that we were lying here

**lesbianda** : iconic

**pipes** : seriously tho what happened

**oliverking** : im gone for an hour and someone left the chat you guys are amazing

**irisbest** : bar is currently calling caitlin

**pipes** : i tried calling ronnie but xe won’t pick up

**irisbest** : she won’t pick up either hm

**bilance** : maybe they are … busy

**bilance** : and accidentally pressed a button yknow like a butt dial

**captaincold** : it would be impressive if it really went off like that

**snowflake** : everything’s fine ronnie just needs a bit of space

**pipes** : is xe alright

**snowflake** : not really but xe will be don’t worry

**spACEbar** : :( <3

**snowflake** : ill probably be gone for a bit too see you around

**oliverking** : take care!

**irisbest** : man i hope xe’s feeling better soon :(

**lesbianda** : would it be tactless to change the topic

**irisbest** : idk what do you want to talk about

**lesbianda** : i still cant get over the fact that hartley finally got laid

**captaincold** : and not even by me

**irisbest** : AWWWW he wrote that and when bar read it he gave them a peck on the lips

**oliverking** : how is it that bar and fucking leonard snart actually have a cute relationship

**lesbianda** : hell if i knew

**pipes** : im still on an orgasmic high

**bilance** : how often did you guys go

**pipes** : honestly i dont know where one round ended and the next started

**irisbest** : amazing

**irisbest** : can people with penes get a uti

**pipes** : no idea but im glad you used the right plural form of penis

**irisbest** : i never use the wrong form of penis

**bilance** : ;)

**oliverking** : okay guys thing is starting in an hour if any of yall give a shit about punctuality

**irisbest** : shall we bring anything

**pipes** : oliver bought more than enough of everything so you definitely dont have to bring the stereotypic wine

**spACEbar** : people bring WINE to parties????

**spACEbar** : nevermind i was just enlightened that that is a fancy rich thing to do

**oliverking** : does snart know this from heists

**irisbest** : probably

**detectiveprettybi** : mick and me will come right around once we dont smell like sweat any more

**bilance** : showering together huh

**pipes** : snap a picture and ill give you 50$

**oliverking** : he doesnt even have 50$

**detectiveprettybi** : do yall think im as much of a perv as you all are

**detectiveprettybi** : anyway see you later

**bilance** : LETS GET THIS PARTY ON


	19. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> that party was wild y'all

**oliverking** changed their username to  **oliverqueer**

 

**irisbest** : eye emoji

**detectiveprettybi** : eye emoji

**pipes** : eye emoji

**lesbianda** : eye emoji

**oliverqueer** : i think i like men

**detectiveprettybi** : WHAT HOW WHY WHEN

**pipes** : eyE EMOJI

**bilance** : lmao he fucked ray last night

**lesbianda** : what.

**bilance** : it was very audible in the whole house

**irisbest** : wtf hartley did you stay at axel’s again

**pipes** : no im fucking deaf at night and right now i regret it more than ive ever done

**detectiveprettybi** : I NEED DETAILS

**oliverqueer** : well ray had a very creative idea of a birthday present

**oliverqueer** : it was a threesome with felicity and me

**detectiveprettybi** : that really

**detectiveprettybi** : is a dream

**bilance** : ill be honest i did have that dream once

**irisbest** : holy shit??? 

**oliverqueer** : so yeah it was nice and I MIGHT LIKE MEN

**pipes** : well that leaves us with one question

**detectiveprettybi** : so are you bi

**pipes** : top or bottom

**oliverqueer** : i

**oliverqueer** : honestly ill just go with queer for now idk

**detectiveprettybi** : no bi club medal for you then

**pipes** : WHAT ABOUT MY QUESTION

**lesbianda** : for fucks sake hartley

**lesbianda** : how difficult can it be to be a bit more normal

**oliverqueer** : um so far top

**pipes** : hnnnnnnnnnnnNNGGKGKGNNNNNNG

**bilance** : great! you broke hartley!

**captaincold** : i hate this curfew i would have loved to see raymond try to flirt with you

**bilance** : nobody noticed because he makes fucking heart eyes at oliver all the time anyway

**detectiveprettybi** : woah but a freaking threesome like the rich guys get it all

**captaincold** : i wouldnt call me rich

**detectiveprettybi** : why am i not surprised you had a threesome

**lesbianda** : was it one that included mick

**bilance** : im just gonna go ahead and assume that ronnie/caitlin/cisco had at least one threesome too

**captaincold** : it might have been

**lesbianda** : OF COURSE IT WAS

**pipes** : everyone go list your dream threesome with people in this chat

**detectiveprettybi** : sara/iris

**captaincold** : sara/mick

**bilance** : snart/iris

**irisbest** : oliver/eddie

**pipes** : snart/cisco

**oliverqueer** : uhhhhhhh eddie/snart

**lesbianda** : iris/sara

**spACEbar** : if i HAD to have one i’d go with snart/oliver

**irisbest** : I KNEW IT

**irisbest** : bar is thirsty for oliver jonas queer pass it on

**lesbianda** : HANG ON A SECOND

**lesbianda** : HARTLEY

**detectiveprettybi** : hoyl, shit??? Ha rtley

**bilance** : WHATS AHPPENING THERE

**pipes** : have you guys ever heard of something so wonderful as hate sex

**lesbianda** : fucking amazing

**captaincold** : can only recommend

**spACEbar** : i cant believe oliver likes men

**spACEbar** : and nobody can profit of it except felicity is down for it too

**detectiveprettybi** : i cant decide if its a good or a bad day for society

**spACEbar** : anyways i gotta go garrick will have my head if im late

**irisbest** : dont forget to take clear notes so cisco can copy them!

**spACEbar** : yeah right

**captaincold** : hey can I come around at the house I'm bored

**bilance** : sure thing

**pipes** : I just wanted to ask if someone thinks it's a bad idea if I went to check up on Ronnie irl

**lesbianda** : Caitlin said everythings alright so I don't think you need to

**pipes** : good because now that snart comes over I don't want to any more

**detectiveprettybi** : Hartley if snart values his life in any way he won't have sex with you

**pipes** : fuck off we've hung out already without having sex I might just enjoy his company can you imagine

**lesbianda** : with you? Not really

**pipes** : why aren't we hating on Oliver any more

**lesbianda** : it got old plus he lets you fucking live in his house 

**detectiveprettybi** : yeah have a little respect for your father

**pipes** : WJY DO YOU KEEP DOING THIS

**captaincold** : I'll be right over

**detectiveprettybi** : where's Mick even

**captaincold** : he decided that today is the day to check out chem

**lesbianda** : YOU PUT MICK IN CHEMISTRY CLASS WITH BAR

**bilance** : they're using fire in chem why did you think thats a good idea

**captaincold** : bar is able to talk him out of it

**captaincold** : I hope

**oliverking** : I hope you won't be responsible for the deaths of both your datemate and partner

**captaincold** : well fuck same

**pipes** : Garrick is fast when it comes to putting out fires tho it'll be fine

**detectiveprettybi** : I'm more afraid the house will burn down with Sara, snart and Hartley chilling together 

**captaincold** : the truth is I need to see a post-threesome Oliver queen 

**bilance** : if you hurry up you'll be in luck both bathrooms have been in use ever since he got up

**detectiveprettybi** : … you know what 

**detectiveprettybi** : I'm stopping by too

**lesbianda** : one of these days your thirst is gonna be the end of you all

**bilance** : why are you never thirsty

**lesbianda** : well if you took a pic of you post sex I might just be

**bilance** : that could be arranged 

**lesbianda** : THANKS

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> about 500 chapters ago, YasssCiscosPheonix suggested that oliver changed his username. there we go!


	20. Chapter 20

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> cisco is back and a part of the group goes out together

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> underage drinking warning for this one

**notcis-co** : here I am

**spACEbar** : CISCO!!!!

**notcis-co** : WHAT did i miss

**lesbianda** : bar and snart are allowed to date without either fearing for their life, Oliver had a threesome and snart and Eddie went to the house just to get a look at him afterwards, Oliver now likes men, Hartley had sex with your neighbour and is gonna adopt a rat

**detectiveprettybi** : Ronnie left the chat? do you know anything about that 

**notcis-co** : well yeah

**notcis-co** : I broke up with xem

**lesbianda** : oh shit

**spACEbar** : shit are you alright

**detectiveprettybi** : what why

**pipes** : cisco you're a fucking idiot

**pipes** : like???? Why'd you dump ronnie the guy is hot and sweet

**notcis-co** : yeah no shit

**notcis-co** : no offense but I'd rather not discuss it in this fucking groupchat

**spACEbar** : I'll be over with ice cream give me half an hour

**notcis-co** : <3

**heatwave** : kinda forgot the tiny one even existed lmao

**pipes** : how can you forget Cisco

**lesbianda** : aw

**pipes** : I mean he's annoying enough 

**lesbianda** : you do remember you said you wanted to have sex with him

**pipes** : and I said hate sex

**pipes** : he's still annoying

**heatwave** : in case anyone cares chemistry class is boring

**heatwave** : I couldn't even burn anything yesterday 

**lesbianda** : you know if i didn’t know him i’d wonder how snart puts up with you

**pipes** : where is he even

**heatwave** : class

**detectiveprettybi** : cant believe 

**pipes** : and where is the rest of the gang

**detectiveprettybi** : iris is shopping

**detectiveprettybi** : ronnie and cait are still gone

**detectiveprettybi** : and you live with the others

**pipes** : i havent seen oliver the whole day

**pipes** : and sara and laurel are out idk for what

**lesbianda** : how’s your tommy situation

**pipes** : [image attached]

**pipes** : quite good i dare to say

**detectiveprettybi** : HE DOES YOGA WHAT THE FUCK

**detectiveprettybi** : IM CHANGING MY USERNAME TO DETECTIVEPRETTYGAY BYE

**heatwave** : aw what would iris say

**detectiveprettybi** : it was great while it lasted, but i gotta gay

**pipes** : beautiful

**lesbianda** : is this the real life

**pipes** : is this just fantasy

**heatwave** : hey pipes do you actually think you have a chance with him now lmao

**pipes** : ive always had a chance wtf 

**detectiveprettybi** : have you though

**pipes** : wow

**pipes** : im actually hurt

**detectiveprettybi** : dont cry

**pipes** : as if id shed a single tear over you

**lesbianda** : mick’s just here to start shit

**lesbianda** : gotta say i approve

**heatwave** : speaking of anyone wanna go out and get smashed

**lesbianda** : hell yeah

**pipes** : yes!

**detectiveprettybi** : hartley you dont get any alcohol

**pipes** : im a homeless deaf gay man i can do whatever i want

**lesbianda** : not sure thats how it works but alright

**detectiveprettybi** : …. Fine

**detectiveprettybi** : im in

**heatwave** : if anyone wants to join well be at saints & sinners

**detectiveprettybi** : anyone concerned that we go out to drink in the middle of the day?

**heatwave** : never too early for a drink pretty boy

**irisbest** : did you guys really go out

**lesbianda** : myabe

**pipes** : sna rt and  cisoc jaoined us its fgeat

**oliverqueer** : where did you leave bar

**spACEbar** : im at home

**spACEbar** : figured joe wouldnt like me, a 20yo, chilling in a gay bar

**pipes** : im bhrer too

**lesbianda** : i thoguth joe doens t stlak you anymroe

**spACEbar** : yes but he’d probably hear about me being found there don’t you think

**lesbianda** : true

**pipes** : snart misses yuo

**oliverqueer** : aw

**spACEbar** : i hope he knows not to forget about his curfew

**captaincold** : i’m the only responsible here bar

**spACEbar** : why dont i believe that

**captaincold** : okay in contrast to the small/young crowd i can handle my alcohol

**spACEbar** : sounds more like it

**irisbest** : enjoy your evening!!!

**lesbianda** : THANKS

**bilance** : i swear we’ll have to pick them up from police tomorrow

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> awwwww, so many people asked for ray to join the chat!!! he won't, primarily because he's not a student at that point, but dw, it's not the last time you hear of him.
> 
> you'll also learn more about why cisco broke up with ronnie............... at a later point.


	21. Chapter 21

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> hungover crew = best crew

**spACEbar** : everyone still alive?

**captaincold** : mick’s asleep but i live

**spACEbar** : i know. you called me at 4am

**bilance** : the fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck

**bilance** : anway eddie and linda showed up here at some point but i have no clue where hartley is

**captaincold** : i thought the others might be interested

**spACEbar** : hang on i’ll call cisco and ask if he’s seen him

**oliverqueer** : tommy just shouted at me

**bilance** : yeah i heard

**oliverqueer** : im talking to the chat

**oliverqueer** : anyway tommy’s starting to get irritated by the fact that we have visitors almost every day

**captaincold** : a) he’s a rich fucker as if he’s not had another girl in his bed every morning

**captaincold** : b) you live with 5 people there youre bound to have visitors every day

**oliverqueer** : tommy says you can go fuck yourself

**captaincold** : already done my friend

**bilance** : fjflfllf please show that to tommy too oliver

**oliverqueer** : the vein on his forehead is about to pop

**bilance** : haha

**spACEbar** : hartley is at cisco’s

**bilance** : wait what

**oliverqueer** : whaaat

**spACEbar** : idk i dont know anything either

**spACEbar** : hey len what happened yesterday

**captaincold** : boy i have no idea i got our asses out of the s&s at 11

**spACEbar** : proud of you

**captaincold** : :^)

**bilance** : literally what the fuck why are you guys so cute

**captaincold** : hey bar lets go be cute together 

**spACEbar** : !!! breakfast at jitters?

**captaincold** : you know it

**oliverqueer** : sara you come down too dig is making scrambled eggs for the crew

**bilance** : nice

**notcis-co** : you know yesterday almost made up for the fact y’all had a fucking party while i was gone

**notcis-co** : and since nobody is here im gonna read up on the stuff i missed

**notcis-co** : i’d go with mick/snart for the threesome

**notcis-co** : and id like to see into??? Alternate universes?

**notcis-co** : gonna know if i keep smashing heteronormativity in every way

**detectiveprettybi** : oh yikes imagine being straight in one of those

**bilance** : my biggest nightmare

**notcis-co** : are you sitting across from each other and are texting

**lesbianda** : absolutely not were all spread out somewhere else in the living room

**notcis-co** : amazing

**lesbianda** : why????? Did hartley go home with you’????

**detectiveprettybi** : DID YOU GUYS HAVE SEX

**notcis-co** : what the fuck

**notcis-co** : no????

**bilance** : whats he doing at your place

**notcis-co** : currently? Sleeping

**notcis-co** : no but he was very determined of sleeping with axel again that’s why he went with me and i figured it might not be good bc he was so fucking wasted

**detectiveprettybi** : how did you manage to convince him of that

**notcis-co** : i might have punched him in the face

**lesbianda** : awesome

**bilance** : how did he even get so drunk

**lesbianda** : the guy knows how to put his ass on display

**lesbianda** : didnt get as many drinks as snart though

**detectiveprettybi** : yeah i think he got most of them second hand by snart lol

**bilance** : how did he get so many tf

**notcis-co** : theories!

**notcis-co** : snart is hot

**notcis-co** : snart has slept with everyone

**notcis-co** : snart is frequent there

**detectiveprettybi** : probably all three

**bilance** : ^

**notcis-co** : anyway im gonna take a shower

**bilance** : have fun

**pipes** : fucker has the head of his bed right next to the wall with the shower 

**pipes** : he did that on purpose

**lesbianda** : lmao probably

**pipes** : im gonna make some coffee and not give one to him

**bilance** : savage

**detetiveprettybi** : how’s your hangover even

**pipes** : lol at first i didnt even have a clue where i am until i read up on the chat

**detectiveprettybi** : hartley rathaway, 19, genius - can’t deal with alcohol

**pipes** : leave me alone im a lightweight

**lesbianda** : what do you say about him cockblocking you

**pipes** : hm probably was for the best

**pipes** : i dont think drunk sex with someone as kinky as axel would have been great after all

**bilance** : insightful

**pipes** : still pissed at cisco

**pipes** : first he hogs the pillows and now he fucking wakes me up

**lesbianda** : WAIT YOU SHARED A BED

**irisbest** : holy shit i wished id joined yall

**detectiveprettybi** : oh right cisco doesnt even have a couch i forgot

**lesbianda** : eye emoji

**bilance** : linda is really passionate about you two finally getting your hate sex

**heatwave** : each and every one of you is awful

**detectiveprettybi** : good noon to you too

**oliverqueer** : ?? mick i’d have thought you of all people wouldnt get drunk at all

**irisbest** : yeah whats up there

**heatwave** : i can handle my alcohol i just really like sleep

**notcis-co** : can relate

**bilance** : you literally woke hartley up

**bilance** : THATS a guy who likes his sleep

**detectiveprettybi** : im pretty sure his animagus form would be a rat

**pipes** : real

**irisbest** : hey oliver by the by dont we have to have another club meeting some time

**oliverqueer** : yeah i wanted to say something about that anyway but we all keep meeting up anyways

**lesbianda** : but never all of us!!!

**notcis-co** : yeah what happened to the orgies!

**detectiveprettybi** : that reminds me,,, cisco your fucking dream threesome is actually killer

**notcis-co** : i know right

**notcis-co** : but who can blame me

**lesbianda** : i can

**lesbianda** : im kinkshaming you all for liking men

**oliverqueer** : that’s… fair.

**irisbest** : speaking of hey eddie im coming over

**detectiveprettybi** : fuck im not even home

**irisbest** : better hurry up

**oliverqueer** : again, not tinder

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "imagine being straight in an alternate reality" is a worry actually brought up on arrow lmao i love it
> 
> -
> 
> it's come to my attention that, of course, not everyone has a tumblr or twitter account, so not everyone who'd like to would be able to get their hands on the interludes. so i'm going to upload them in a separate fic at the according times! i'll link each of them in the chapter notes of the ones they belong to, so you won't be confused.
> 
> thank you all for the love!!!


	22. Chapter 22

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> snart has a favour to ask

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm still sick and I have classes to attend so still not many replies to comments. But still thanks!!!

**captaincold** : hey oliver

**oliverqueer** : hm

**captaincold** : would you mind having another house guest for a few days

**pipes** : i thought you cant sleep at other places

**captaincold** : yeha no shit smart ass im not asking for myself

**captaincold** : i probably wouldnt even have to ask for myself bc they just accept all of us at all times

**oliverqueer** : who is it?

**captaincold** : my sister

**captaincold** : visits for a few days and needs a place to sleep

**lesbianda** : what about your place?

**captaincold** : i live in one room that i share with mick what the hell my sister deserves better

**lesbianda** : you literally let bar sleep at your place at all times

**captaincold** : they cuddle more with mick than with me stfu

**lesbianda** : oh my god

**captaincold** : anyway do i get an answer

**oliverqueer** : tommy will probably be pissed again but yeah sure we’ll prepare a room

**detectiveprettybi** : how many more spare rooms do you even have i have never been upstairs

**pipes** : three i think

**pipes** : like i said, fucking mansion

**bilance** : when will she arrive!! How old is she!!! Is she in the community as well!!

**heatwave** : next friday, 18, i dont think so

**captaincold** : im still hoping for her to realize she’s a lesbian

**lesbianda** : is that a big brotherly “no guy is good enough for my sister” move or actual “poor girl hasnt realized it yet when its so obvious”

**heatwave** : the first one

**lesbianda** : dang

**captaincold** : anyway yeah ill bring lisa around on friday

**oliverqueer** : alright!!

**notcis-co** : OH HEY

**notcis-co** : who wants to have an orphan thanksgiving

**notcis-co** : ill clean up and then we can chill around at my place and watch tv or whatever

**pipes** : im in because as we know my fucking family hates me

**heatwave** : yeah count me in as well

**notcis-co** : snart? My orphan at heart bud?

**captaincold** : no thanks

**notcis-co** : rude

**bilance** : im at my family’s

**oliverqueer** : same

**oliverqueer** : and before anyone asks: tommy too

**detectiveprettybi** : is he at your family’s or his own OH WAIT THERE’S NO FUCKING LINE

**oliverqueer** : why are you like this

**detectiveprettybi** : anyway im back in keystone 

**spACEbar** : we have our own sorry man

**spACEbar** : snart youre not going to spend thanksgiving alone ill drag you to ours if it must be

**lesbianda** : dont make joe explode

**spACEbar** : he didnt mind yesterday either

**lesbianda** : WHAT

**pipes** : WHAT

**detectiveprettybi** : WHAT

**oliverqueer** : wh at 

**spACEbar** : ah oops

**captaincold** : thanks bar

**pipes** : what the fuck did we miss

**spACEbar** : uh snart was over for dinner?

**lesbianda** : how 

**captaincold** : wouldnt you like to know

**irisbest** : lmao it was so random i come home and he sits there with my father

**captaincold** : you really dont know how to keep a secret do you

**detectiveprettybi** : bar fucking left you alone with the detective??? They dont like you after all

**irisbest** : nah man bar wasnt even at home

**lesbianda** : ????? what

**captaincold** : i was having a talk with the detective

**notcis-co** : what about

**spACEbar** : he didnt even tell me

**captaincold** : you continue being nosy bastards

**lesbianda** : yeah and well carry on until you tell us

**captaincold** : ffs the reason why im not going to cisco’s at thanksgiving

**captaincold** : ill be on my way to coast city

**detectiveprettybi** : ????? you cant leave the city???

**captaincold** : thats why i talked to the detective

**captaincold** : to ask if i could leave for two days

**pipes** : fucking why what’s in coast city

**spACEbar** : coast city is cool i have a friend in coast city and he send me pictures all the time

**irisbest** : hal’s pictures count for nothing you could also make central look great if you wanted to

**captaincold** : who the hell is hal

**pipes** : DONT SWITCH TOPICS

**spACEbar** : a guy i met at space camp years ago

**captaincold** : youre still talking to someone from space camp?

**heatwave** : lmao jealousy activated

**captaincold** : shut the fuck up

**heatwave** : he goes and picks lisa up from her foster family

**oliverqueer** : shes in a foster family? 

**spACEbar** : that relatable feel

**captaincold** : yeah its really quite the same with a dead mum and a father in prison

**lesbianda** : you have so much in common!

**captaincold** : only mine deserves to fucking rot there

**detectiveprettybi** : AH BY THE WAY i’ve been wondering like??? Snart how could you meet bar’s dad bc if you’d been to big guy prison already there’s no way you would have gotten ou of it with college when you were caught again

**captaincold** : nah they made us visit iron heights in juvie so we’d get scared

**captaincold** : at one point the cop is like ‘and here’s the really dangerous people………… murderers!’ and then there was henry allen with whom i just struck up a nice little chat

**heatwave** : oh wait THAT guy was bar’s father? 

**captaincold** : yeah can you fucking believe

**heatwave** : life is amazing

 

**snowflake** added  **ronnieraymond** to the chat

 

**ronnieraymond** : BILANCE KINDA SOUNDS LIKE BALANCE

**pipes** : you fucking wasted your dramatic entrance

**irisbest** : welcome back!!!!

**ronnieraymond** : hang on

 

**ronnieraymond** changed their username to  **drbimond**

 

**captaincold** : that’s the worst fucking thing i have ever laid my eyes on

 

**oliverqueer** changed  **drbimond** ’s username to  **babybibibi**

 

**notcis-co** : a fucking boyband pun 

**pipes** : we can change each other’s usernames??? I want to name cisco idiot

**heatwave** : your genius is showing

**irisbest** : oliver can do it bc he created the chat

**bilance** : ronnie you’re not really good at puns are you

**bilance** : but hi!

**detectiveprettybi** : the bi club is on it again

**babybibibi** : hell yeah

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you want to see how Snart ended up joining the West-Allens for dinner, look at Chapter 2 of the companion piece!


	23. Chapter 23

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> murder is a thing here

**oliverqueer** : do yall have time on monday evening?

**oliverqueer** : i figured we could meet up one more time before thanksgiving

**detectiveprettybi** : clever, that way you will be reminded to include us in your speech

**lesbianda** : sweet

**heatwave** : snart and i got time

**heatwave** : bar too

**bilance** : are they chilling at your place again

**heatwave** : sadly yes

**irisbest** : im offended on their behalf

**notcis-co** : im in

**babybibibi** : yeah us too

**detectiveprettybi** : same

**irisbest** : me too

**lesbianda** : hm yes

**oliverqueer** : great, hart and sara are in too

**oliverqueer** : ill check if the room we had the other time is free again

**pipes** : there wont be any alcohol involved will it

**lesbianda** : ??????? hartley????

**pipes** : i swear im still feeling it in my bones

**detectiveprettybi** : will this help you realize that maybe you need to slow down?

**detectiveprettybi** : youre 19 dude you can chill

**pipes** : can i though

**notcis-co** : if you say that youre a gay deaf homeless guy ill come to the house and strangle you myself

**pipes** : im a deaf homeless gay man i gotta live life while i have it

**pipes** : …

**irisbest** : wont have life for much longer apparently

**pipes** : lmao cisco cant hurt anything we all know that

**lesbianda** : i bet 5$ that youre the reason that might change

**heatwave** : im rooting for the small one

**heatwave** : pipes deserves an ass kicking

**pipes** : WHAT DID I DO

**detectiveprettybi** : idk man i think your existence is enough

**pipes** : yall suck in a non hot way and i hate you

**snowflake** : you do know they dont mean it seriously right

**heatwave** : i do

**pipes** : me? Realizing that all this banter is actually meant in a playful way? No ofc not

**pipes** : honestly i thought everyone hated me and thats why you wont let me be homeless in peace

**irisbest** : aw

**oliverqueer** : this got way too real here

**captaincold** : yikes who invited the feelings

**captaincold** : yall got mick throwing his phone into the other side of the room and grumbling about being annoyed

**irisbest** : why is he like this

**lesbianda** : wtf i dont wanna get all sentimental here either 

**captaincold** : same

**lesbianda** : its been an hour did cisco really kill hartley

**bilance** : [video attached]

**bilance** : he’s trying

**detectiveprettybi** : HAHAHAHHA oh my god

**lesbianda** : JUST PRESS THE PILLOW ONTO HIS FACE YOU CAN DO IT

**heatwave** : actual fucking children

**captaincold** : trust hartley to lose a pillow fight

**pipes** : CISCO FUCKING CAME IN, JUMPED ON TOP OF ME AND STARTED PUNCHING THE SHIT OUT OF ME

**babybibibi** : with a pillow

**babybibibi** : his real dangerous weapon

**pipes** : shut the fuck up ill probably bruise now

**captaincold** : if you bruise that easily how did you look after your evening with cisco’s neighbour

**pipes** : you dont want to know

**captaincold** : no, i do

**heatwave** : he has a serious bruises kink

**lesbianda** : you know im not even surprised any more

**detectiveprettybi** : did cisco leave again

**bilance** : not that ive seen

**pipes** : nah hes chilling on my floor

**captaincold** : i’d have thought you’d kick him out as soon as you got him off

**detectiveprettybi** : “as soon as you got him off” ;)

**lesbianda** : the innuendo is strong in this one

**lesbianda** : SAME EDDIE

**pipes** : im rolling my eyes you guys 

**irisbest** : you two are actual kids is2g

**detectiveprettybi** : cue hartley’s protests

**pipes** : im not a fucking kid

**pipes** : oh shut up

**irisbest** : i love how hartley has three catchphrases

**irisbest** : 1) im a gay deaf homeless man!

**irisbest** : 2) im NOT a kid

**irisbest** : 3) i want a dick inside of me

**detectiveprettybi** : really its not that difficult to figure out what the next thing is youll say

**pipes** : yatta yatta im eddie im fucking bi and imma fuck the shit out of iris

**detectiveprettybi** : yeah well thats me

**heatwave** : yall are fucking kids and annoying

**pipes** : and youre a grandpa

**heatwave** : hell yeah

**heatwave** : old people live the life

**heatwave** : dont do anything but eat and sleep AND got money

**captaincold** : mick is easily satisfied

**bilance** : we’ve noticed

**oliverqueer** : anyways! Monday evening, same time, probably same place

**oliverqueer** : behave yourselves

**bilance** : hartley closed his door 

**lesbianda** : eye emoji

**pipes** : yeah because one doesnt have an ounce of privacy otherwise

**irisbest** : what do you need privacy for hmmmmmmm

**pipes** : living

**detectiveprettybi** : suuure

**spACEbar** : i swear one of these days yall are gonna kill each other and ill be the only one left


	24. Chapter 24

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> basically, i finally find use for my knowledge of ancient languages. yay!

**irisbest** : yesterday's highlight: Oliver “we have to be serious” Queen agreeing to playing truth or dare

**heatwave** : honestly I'm starting to believe you're all too young

**spACEbar** : you were having fun when you were dared to hold cisco up with one arm

**captaincold** : he's a show off

**lesbianda** : speaking of Hartley did you manage to get a boner out of snart

**pipes** : if I did I haven't noticed

**pipes** : maybe his dick is too small

**captaincold** : how dare you

**notcis-co** : I think we all know at this point that it takes more than a boy's ass on his lap to make snart have a boner

**pipes** : next time I'll go boxing first 

**babybibibi** : Caitlin had absolutely no chill when she made you spend the rest of the evening on his lap

**notcis-co** : dont forget the gun Hartley 

**pipes** : you're absolutely right. full costume

**bilance** : did you really just agree to get along for the sake of arousing bar’s boyfriend

**notcis-co** : when you say it like that it sounds bad

**lesbianda** : speaking of bar  

**lesbianda** : I loved when iris dared them to play the music on their phone and it was nothing but Bieber and Dragonball openings 

**spACEbar** : which she damn well knew

**detectiveprettybi** : does your boyfriend still like you

**captaincold** : yeah he does

**snowflake** : awww

**bilance** : true otp

**bilance** : I liked when you made Oliver say whether I'm sexier or laurel

**detectiveprettybi** : who would have thought our self-proclaimed fuckboy/group dad could be so awkward

**lesbianda** : I liked the lapdance I got from Sara

**pipes** : hey Oliver by the way 

**bilance** : ;)

**pipes** : do you mind if we do our thanksgiving in the house? I'd rather chill there than in cisco's crammed flat

**oliverqueer** : uh yeah sure just don't destroy anything 

**notcis-co** : rude

**oliverqueer** : and don't go into any room that isn't yours

**snowflake** : hey Cisco bar you guys have class why are you texting

**spACEbar** : waiting for our acid to get hot enough

**spACEbar** : it takes like 15mins idek

**lesbianda** : is nobody concerned that of all people that could spend Thanksgiving together it's Hartley Cisco and Mick

**oliverqueer** : oh fuck you're right 

**oliverqueer** : I swear if you burn down the house I'll cut off all of your dicks

**notcis-co** : checkmate I don't even have one

**bilance** : ANYWAY we're leaving tomorrow around noon 

**oliverqueer** : dig is with his brother so you have the house for yourself until snart brings his sister on Friday

**pipes** : nice

**heatwave** : you do know your house is in even more danger when Lisa is here right

**detectiveprettybi** : petition to call the house something other than house

**bilance** : nanda parbat

**babybibibi** : what

**bilance** : it should roughly translate to “mountain of joy” which fits because I keep laughing my ass off in this house

**captaincold** : is there any chance parbat and parvati stand in any relation

**bilance** : yeah! both are from Sanskrit parvata

**bilance** : parvati basically means the girl from the mountain bc usually her father is the lord of mountains

**captaincold** : wow I did not know that

**detectiveprettybi** : what is happening

**oliverqueer** : that is someone who studies art history and someone who studies Asian religions getting along

**captaincold** : I have one class that focusses on Hindu art

**bilance** : oh sweet! 

**spACEbar** : do we want to give the house a name in Sanskrit 

**bilance** : it's Urdu actually

**notcis-co** : still

**pipes** : we could also just go with aedificium

**snowflake** : were not calling the house “house but in latin”

**pipes** : loser

**babybibibi** : hey

**heatwave** : queer mansion

**detectiveprettybi** : that's… actually good

**irisbest** : oh I love it

**captaincold** : in the end we'd just start calling it mansion 

**captaincold** : pretentious af

**heatwave** : then you must love it 

**captaincold** : rude

**spACEbar** : quiver bc were twelve members and a quiver has around 12 arrows

**oliverqueer** : that's not even slightly right where did you get that from

**notcis-co** : Saturday night live hawkeye sketch

**oliverqueer** : god I hate marvel there's different quivers some can have like 100 arrows

**notcis-co** : yeah but it's not like there's an equally big comic company with more accuracy or diversity

**spACEbar** : sadly

**captaincold** : I like quiver it sounds like people should be afraid of us

**heatwave** : ^

**lesbianda** : ^

**babybibibi** : I like it too

**pipes** : same

**oliverqueer** : okay you'll have the QUIVER to yourselves then

**pipes** : nice

**notcis-co** : I promise I'll make sure they won't ruin anything

**bilance** : I'm sure Ollie is just as worried about you

**notcis-co** : rude

**oliverqueer** : you fucking destroyed a pillow last weekend because you were determined to kill Hartley

**captaincold** : yeah you two seem like a deadlier combination than me and Mick

**pipes** : yeah but not on purpose it's just collateral damage

**bilance** : still

**notcis-co** : I think we can get along for one day

**pipes** : probably

**heatwave** : otherwise I'll grill their asses

**captaincold** : mick NO 

**spACEbar** : /mick/

**oliverqueer** : no mick

**lesbianda** : MICK BEHAVE

**babybibibi** : this is amazing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> two great moments in my life: the chronicles of cisco webseries mentioning barry listening to the biebz and the amnesia ep saying barry is a fan of DBZ.


	25. Chapter 25

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> thanksgiving is over and, naturally, our people are a mess. I should change the fic's name to "Mess(TM)" tbh

**captaincold** : [image attached]

**captaincold** : I'm sure you'd all appreciate that the quiver did not burn down

**detectiveprettybi** : how does it look on the inside though

**captaincold** : dunno yet nobody opens

**captaincold** : hang on ill tell you in like 2 minutes

**oliverqueer** : i sure hope youre not breaking into my house

**captaincold** : no not me

**irisbest** : fuck is your sister a thief too

**captaincold** : nah i did my best to prevent that

**captaincold** : shes an expert lock picker tho

**bilance** : i’m pretty sure oliver is gonna explode

**detectiveprettybi** : he should have asked about her before he agreed to take her in

**irisbest** : shes snarts sister what did he expect

**detectiveprettybi** : how was everyone’s thanksgiving tho

**bilance** : nice. My mum came around too which should have been awkward but it wasnt

**irisbest** : my dad invited his gf and her daughter it was quite cute

**irisbest** : i think she’s got a crush on wally

**detectiveprettybi** : back to the semi-incestuous shit

**irisbest** : he’s panicking on how to turn her down i think jesse’s gonna do it eventually

**bilance** : whos jesse

**irisbest** : his gf

**bilance** : [image attached]

**bilance** : tommy sent me this pic of oliver flipping out

**detectiveprettybi** : are their families really celebrating together

**irisbest** : its not even thanksgiving anymore 

**irisbest** : im just about to head out for black friday w bar

**captaincold** : [video attached]

**detectiveprettybi** : WHAT

**irisbest** : WHAT

**oliverqueer** : WHAT

**bilance** : WHAT

**spACEbar** : WHAT

**captaincold** : don’t worry they’re both fully dressed 

**spACEbar** : the fact that you actually checked up on that

**bilance** : why are they sharing a bed when we have more than enough other sleeping spaces

**irisbest** : you told them not to go into any of the rooms

**oliverqueer** : we have three couches

**captaincold** : maybe amaya and mick didnt let cisco sleep

**detectiveprettybi** : who is amaya

**captaincold** : micks best friend when im not around

**bilance** : wait amaya??? As in amaya jiwe

**oliverqueer** : holy fucking shit how does this keep happening

**bilance** : i swear snart and mick know just everyone

**captaincold** : yeah amaya jiwe why

**bilance** : she’s the gf of ray’s “””””best friend”””””

**irisbest** : the ray who made oliver queer

**bilance** : YES

**oliverqueer** : is2g snart dont fucking tell her

**captaincold** : oops

**oliverqueer** : IM NOT SHARING ANYTHING WITH THIS GROUPCHAT EVER AGAIN WHY DO YOU KEEP TELLING PEOPLE I KNOW WHOM I HAD SEX WITH

**captaincold** : amaya’s just like “yeah i know, ray told nate who told me”

**oliverqueer** : i hate everyone on this planet except felicity

**notcis-co** : none of yall has a freaking sense of privacy i agree with oliver

**spACEbar** : cisco what did you do in hartley’s bed

**notcis-co** : sleeping

**spACEbar** : how

**notcis-co** : with my eyes closed

**pipes** : leonard “yall are nosy af” snart is a traitor

**bilance** : JUST TELL US WHAT HAPPENED THERE

**pipes** : literally nothing

**pipes** : snart pls come upstairs and collect your sister

**detectiveprettybi** : lmao whats she doing

**oliverqueer** : why do you change the topic now when someone else’s privacy was disturbed

**detectiveprettybi** : i live to ruin your life

**pipes** : i think she spontaneously fell in love with cisco

**pipes** : hes so uncomfortable omg

**notcis-co** : thanks for saving me snart

**detectiveprettybi** : how did he do it

**notcis-co** : not very adventureous. Just got lisa to leave the room and check out her own

**lesbianda** : WHY DID YOU GUYS SHARE A BED

**notcis-co** : i wanted to sleep early so i went upstairs and hartley is a fucker and insisted on sleeping in his own bed nonetheless

**pipes** : a) my bed b) i was drunk

**detectiveprettybi** : you seriously need to stop dirnking if you cant stomach it

**notcis-co** : in his defense he didnt throw up so far 

**lesbianda** : im disappointed in you guys

**oliverqueer** : but to be fair hartley is the most bottom known to man how did we expect them to have sex

**babybibibi** : cisco has a strap on ofc wtf man

**detectiveprettybi** : THE FUCK WHEN YOUR EX 

**lesbianda** : oh my god

**notcis-co** : … i think xe was allowed to get back at me somehow

**babybibibi** : yeah i was

**bilance** : i suppose thats fair

**oliverqueer** : we’ll come back tonight i hope the house is clean by then

**spACEbar** : the what

**detectiveprettybi** : *the quiver

**spACEbar** : eddie. The only man i trust.

**notcis-co** : excuse me

**captaincold** : i beg your pardon

**detectiveprettybi** : fuck off bar and i are gonna run away together

**captaincold** : after all i’ve done. All the battles i’ve fought. 

**lesbianda** : mick and amaya are still chilling hm

**lesbianda** : and youre bored off your mind

**captaincold** : you know way too much about me

**spACEbar** : it doesnt take a genius to get that youre even more of a drama queen when bored

**captaincold** : betrayed by my loved one

**spACEbar** : go help your sister unpack 

**babybibibi** : it’s been 5 minutes i cant believe he actually listened to you

**heatwave** : snart is so whipped tbh

**detectiveprettybi** : their relationship surprises me every day

**irisbest** : same


	26. Chapter 26

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> hartley is horny (again), lisa's living the life at the quiver, ray makes an appearance, we learn something about linda and oh, there's a cliffhanger.

**pipes** : okay but seriously wells is so hot

**babybibibi** : ew yikes why are you like this

**notcis-co** : if you like men more than twice your age maybe

**pipes** : i cant stop thinking about how hot he is sue me

**detectiveprettybi** : please dont have another breakdown from being horny 

**oliverqueer** : ^ agreed last time was horrible

**pipes** : maybe i should visit axel again

**notcis-co** : please dont 

**notcis-co** : i am at home

**pipes** : since when does your discomfort stop me from anything

**lesbianda** : here i thought you two bonded

**snowflake** : me too

**pipes** : in your wildest dreams

**bilance** : i do have pretty wild dreams

**spACEbar** : speaking of wild how is living with snart’s sister

**oliverqueer** : wild

**pipes** : wild

**bilance** : wild

**spACEbar** : wow

**oliverqueer** : this morning she flirted with dig and tommy simultaneously

**babybibibi** : impressive

**detectiveprettybi** : relatable tho

**bilance** : also she wont stop asking about cisco

**notcis-co** : what why

**pipes** : tf if i knew

**oliverqueer** : you must look quite cute after waking up

**pipes** : nah he doesnt

**babybibibi** : yes he does

**captaincold** : cisco if you touch my baby sister youre dead to me

**notcis-co** : im gAY

**heatwave** : he gets irrational when it comes to lisa dw

**heatwave** : in other news oliver im supposed to send you smth

**oliverqueer** : ???

**heatwave** : [image attached]

**heatwave** : amaya says thanks for letting her crash here

**captaincold** : wow who would have thought raymond had such nice arms

 

**detectiveprettybi** changed their username to  **detectiveprettygay**

 

**oliverqueer** : why

**bilance** : is that ray afTER A SHOWER

**lesbianda** : hey oliver i bet my ass that pic was staged for you look at that dangerously low towel

**oliverqueer** : ID RATHER NOT

**spACEbar** : he really does look good

**oliverqueer** : I HAVE A GIRLFRIEND WHOM I LOVE A LOT

**babybibibi** : polyamory

**notcis-co** : poly

**oliverqueer** : i dont even have a crush on him hes just fucking hot

**irisbest** : fuck yes he is

**pipes** : i need a dick in me asap

**bilance** : aaaaaaaaaaaaand he left the quiver

**captaincold** : pipes is amazing

**spACEbar** : one of these days youll really need to be the one to have sex with him

**captaincold** : even if you allowed it i doubt that would go unnoticed by the detective

**lesbianda** : holy shit

**spACEbar** : what. do you think he has cameras in the quiver

**bilance** : dont wake oliver’s paranoia

**captaincold** : hmmmmm

**snowflake** : i swear this whole /chat/ is a harem and not the quiver

**captaincold** : shrug emoji

**irisbest** : shrug emoji

**detectiveprettygay** : shrug emoji

**bilance** : next up: finding a gf for linda

**lesbianda** : ????i have a gf???

**detectiveprettygay** : WAIT HWAT

**snowflake** : ? you have??

**lesbianda** : yes?

**lesbianda** : wev’ve been dating for years wth u guys

**snowflake** : you never mentioned a gf what the fuck

**bilance** : you know shit gets serious when cait starts using swear words

**irisbest** : honestly linda and patty are the cutest couple

**spACEbar** : excuse

**irisbest** : no really youve never seen them together otherwise youd agree

**lesbianda** : :^)

**snowflake** : my whole life changed

**heatwave** : lol i cant believe pipes really just went and got sex

**babybibibi** : who said he got any

**heatwave** : hed have jumped at the opportunity to ride snart’s dick otherwise

**lesbianda** : youre absolutely right holy shit

**captaincold** : that reminds me

**bilance** : eye emoji

**oliverqueer** : eye emoji

**irisbest** : eye emoji

**detectiveprettygay** : eye emoji

**heatwave** : he left the room without saying anything

**snowflake** : bar do you know anything

**spACEbar** : no idea

**bilance** : hm

**detectiveprettygay** : hey oliver is ray single

**oliverqueer** : yoURE NOT GONNA SLEEP WITH RAY

**babybibibi** : whaddup are you jealous

**oliverqueer** : why the fuck would i be jealous

**irisbest** : we found snart he is here

**snowflake** : at your house?

**irisbest** : yeah and get that: he wanted to talk to my dad

**lesbianda** : plottwist: he just used bar to get to joe BUT SEXUALLY

**irisbest** : EW LINDA

**spACEbar** : i need to throw up

**spACEbar** : i was already disappointed enough that he didnt come here for me

**spACEbar** : and now this

**heatwave** : can any of the quiver crew tell lisa to come here

**babybibibi** : i love that ‘the quiver’ caught on

**babybibibi** : never woulda thought mick would actually use it

**bilance** : ??? why dont you text her

**heatwave** : snart didnt buy her a phone yet did he

**heatwave** : if he did the fucker didnt give me the number

**irisbest** : id DIE without my phone

**irisbest** : update snart ended the talk with my dad and now he and bar went upstairs? And? My dad? Is not furious?

**lesbianda** : sounds like he did charm joe after all

**irisbest** : over my dead body

**bilance** : well. Lisa’s not in her room

**pipes** : yeah no she’s in front of my apartment

**lesbianda** : when did you get an apartment

**detectiveprettygay** : what.

**babybibibi** : i think its pretty obvious that that was cisco accidentally using hartley’s phone

**oliverqueer** : WHAT


	27. Chapter 27

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> uh, well. stuff happens. don't kill me.

**pipes** : no

**pipes** : im so often at axel’s apartment i start thinking of it as my own

**babybibibi** : you havent been to axel’s apartment since the first time

**pipes** : who says that

**babybibibi** : he did when i met him a few days ago

**lesbianda** : what is happening here

**irisbest** : hang on i gotta tell snart and bar to read this live

**heatwave** : if i didnt know better my mind would jump to conclusions here

**detectiveprettygay** : is the conclusion that hartley and cisco are fucking bc if yes then same

**pipes** : were ngfjifklf

**pipes** : axel wasnt there so i figured i could also just chill w cisco

**oliverqueer** : youre just making things worse

**spACEbar** : youre worse at lying than i am what the hell

**notcis-co** : ffs w erkfkmd,

**lesbianda** : are they fukcing fighting to keep each other from texting

**captaincold** : hang on

**captaincold** : yeah they were fucking

**snowflake** : how do you know that

**captaincold** : lisa said she heard them lmao

**heatwave** : SO SHE DOES HAVE A PHONE

**captaincold** : i got her one yesterday pardon me if i didnt give everyone her new number

**heatwave** : fucker

**lesbianda** : can we get back to the thing at hand

**lesbianda** : HARTLEY AND CISCO WERE HAVING SEX

**babybibibi** : hart keep cisco from jumping out of the window

**pipes** : how did you know he was eyeing it

**babybibibi** : because i know /him/ duh

**irisbest** : um

**irisbest** : what do you say about… them

**babybibibi** : what am i supposed to say i know that sco likes hart so if he wants him im not in the way wtf

**pipes** : whAT

**oliverqueer** : im so confused

**detectiveprettygay** : me too what the fuc

**spACEbar** : my conclusion is that cisco has liked hartley for a while, theyve fooled around a few times but hartley didnt think it was serious or smth 

**babybibibi** : sounds about right

**spACEbar** : and now ronnie basically told hartley that cisco likes him

**babybibibi** : … oh fuck

**irisbest** : did you just solve this whole thing or did you make it harder i cant tell

**babybibibi** : fuck off you know how much it cost me not to shout at hartley whenever he was awful to cisco since i knew

**detectiveprettygay** : since when did you know

**babybibibi** : since we broke up?

**oliverqueer** : snart is lisa still in front of the apartment

**captaincold** : i told her to fuck off so i hope she isnt

**lesbianda** : too bad id have liked to know whats happening

**bilance** : i cant believe im the one to say this but we could pretend to be normal human beings and wait for it patiently?

**bilance** : if they even want to tell us?

**detectiveprettygay** : nah

**irisbest** : HAVE YOU MET US

**lesbianda** : idprefernotto.jpg

**babybibibi** : i think i deserve to knwo the outcome

**captaincold** : its my turn to be nosy

**oliverqueer** : im curious tho

**spACEbar** : all of those came within 5 seconds im impressed

**bilance** : … 

**bilance** : in conclusion: we’re all awful

**captaincold** : lisa says she doesnt hear anything

**lesbianda** : eye emoji

**detectiveprettygay** : these are the options: 

**detectiveprettygay** : 1) they awkwardly sit next to each other

**detectiveprettygay** : 2) they went at it again

**babybibibi** : nah shed hear cisco

**captaincold** : … eye emoji

**spACEbar** : maybe they’re talking

**spACEbar** : quietly

**heatwave** : guess we’ll never know

 

**detectiveprettygay** changed their username to  **detectiveprettybi**

 

**detectiveprettybi** : that feels more authentic

**snowflake** : are we switching topics now? Because i cant believe linda has a gf and we didnt know

**lesbianda** : dont act so surprised im super hot ofc i have a gf

**bilance** : cant deny that

**oliverqueer** : how didnt we meet her yet

**lesbianda** : she’s stationed in national city

**lesbianda** : she’s a police officer

**detectiveprettybi** : wow i feel offended

**detectiveprettybi** : the whole time we could have bonded

**bilance** : suck it thawne she doesnt even want to bond with you

**irisbest** : lmao i just realized the whole time you laugh at bar for dating a criminal when he lives with a cop

**irisbest** : and now youre dating an officer and pretty much made a criminal your best friend

**heatwave** : is this about me bc i thought we were just btichin together

**captaincold** : friends bitch together get with the programme mick

 

**notcis-co** left the chat

 

**oliverqueer** : oh for fucks sake

**babybibibi** : hartley rathaway

**spACEbar** : im gonna go to cisco’s

**babybibibi** : good plan

**captaincold** : lisa says hartley rushed past her

**bilance** : hey hartley this is just an info that you can come home we wont bother you if you dont want to talk

**bilance** : just dont think you have to fucking hide or something

**lesbianda** : this chat is so fucked up

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay I _know_ y'all would like to kill me, but I live for drama.  
>  If you like, you can finally read about the [break-up](http://archiveofourown.org/works/12255837/chapters/27998235) between Cisco and Ronnie, though, so that's something.


	28. Chapter 28

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> oliver keeps ruining his own life

**oliverqueer** : hey snart or mick can you make lisa leave the house

**oliverqueer** : she keeps trying to defend cisco’s honour and makes hartley throw stuff around it’s not fun

**lesbianda** : is it a snart trait to become obsessed with people right away

**detectiveprettybi** : seems like it

**heatwave** : hang on I'll come around 

**bilance** : Mick Rory - saviour of the universe

**babybibibi** : good to know Hart is not dead

**babybibibi** : he wouldn't pick up when I called him

**lesbianda** : well I wouldn't pick up either if the ex of someone I shot down called me

**oliverqueer** : is bar still with cisco

**irisbest** : nah they and snart are on a date

**detectiveprettybi** : what became of bros before hoes

**oliverqueer** : the thing is snart is both a bro and a hoe

**heatwave** : he's 100% a hoe

**irisbest** : amazing

**lesbianda** : hey Mick when will you tell us your favourite embarrassing story about him

**heatwave** : the time he paralysed a girl was great

**babybibibi** : HE DID WHAT

**irisbest** : how the fuck

**heatwave** : idk man he made out with her and suddenly she couldn't feel her leg any more

**babybibibi** : holy fuck hang on

**babybibibi** : that's actually possible! If he gave her a hickey and hit the aorta he could have blocked the blood flow 

**bilance** : thanks Caitlin

**irisbest** : holy shit

**oliverqueer** : snart gives hickeys That Kill

**babybibibi** : someone save bar

**lesbianda** : I'm so impressed

**lesbianda** : that's like a power move from a female James bond villain

**oliverqueer** : oh shit dig went into hartleys room

**irisbest** : I'm so disappointed that I still didn't meet dig

**detectiveprettybi** : yeah Oliver what do you even have a bodyguard for when he lets you meet up with 10 ppl you didn't know 

**bilance** : Ollie keeps running from him

**bilance** : you wouldn't believe how often he hit the bathroom in digs first week just to climb out of the window 

**oliverqueer** : it barely feels like he's my bodyguard any more were friends

**detectiveprettybi** : a friend whom you're paying to stay around. I see

**babybibibi** : lmao

**bilance** : dig's already out of the room again and now he's giving Lisa a stern talk what a dad

**irisbest** : Mick when will you be there

**heatwave** : ten mins or smth idk

**irisbest** : @ Sara oliver pls take a picture of Mick and dig together

**babybibibi** : WONDERFUL IDEA

**bilance** : I'll do my best

**detectiveprettybi** : Sara lance the true mvp

**captaincold** : tell Lisa to reply to my texts

**irisbest** : excuse me are you texting on a date

**spACEbar** : yeah we are 

**spACEbar** : good couples can also just chill together

**babybibibi** : ^

**captaincold** : besides it's about texts I sent her DAYS ago

**oliverqueer** : she probably has a reason to ignore you

**detectiveprettybi** : what's it about

**captaincold** : application deadlines

**irisbest** : Leonard Snart are you making your sister get a real job

**captaincold** : trying to

**lesbianda** : wow someone tell Joe

**captaincold** : he knows already

**spACEbar** : turns out he was here the other day to prove to Joe he actually came back 

**spACEbar** : and Joe is eager to help so that Lisa won't start any shit

**detectiveprettybi** : okay for real iris pay up snart did charm your dad

**bilance** : [image attached]

**detectiveprettybi** : I like men

**babybibibi** : ohhhh me too

**lesbianda** : they don't even look alike what did y'all say

**oliverqueer** : it's probably that they both are tall and muscular idek

**irisbest** : whom do y'all find hotter go

**lesbianda** : dig

**babybibibi** : I can't believe I'm saying this but dig

**spACEbar** : mick

**irisbest** : dig

**bilance** : Mick

**captaincold** : Mick

**babybibibi** : Cait says dig

**detectiveprettybi** : Oliver?

**oliverqueer** : no

**captaincold** : Oliver queen: a local coward

**detectiveprettybi** : oh come on what happens in this chat stays in this chat

**oliverqueer** : I have twice the proof that that's not true

**bilance** : do you think your life can get even more awkward just fucking say

**oliverqueer** : …

**oliverqueer** : dig

**bilance** : BWAHAHAHHAHA

**babybibibi** : your life is ruined 

**lesbianda** : okay but y'all know who looks alike

**lesbianda** : Eddie and Oliver 

**irisbest** : youre fucking right

**captaincold** : that… Is very true

**spACEbar** : oh shit?

**detectiveprettybi** : what the fuck we don't????

**babybibibi** : you guys should make out so Eddie's incest kink can thrive

**spACEbar** : NO

**irisbest** : babe you both are blond and have blue eyes you look essentially the same

**oliverqueer** : that's.?? not true

**oliverqueer** : in which world is that enough to say we look the same

**captaincold** : reverse racism

**lesbianda** : a real dangerous threat to us all

**bilance** : update on the Hartley situation is that he left the quiver without anyone noticing 

**detectiveprettybi** : I swear he fucking *is* a rat

**babybibibi** : speaking of Oliver did you ever buy him his rat

**bilance** : he was hoping Hartley forgot

**oliverqueer** : we couldn't go to the pet store yet

**detectiveprettybi** : suuuure

**lesbianda** : hows the date going

**spACEbar** : I'm destroying snart

**spACEbar** : were bowling and he's a fucking loser

**babybibibi** : this relationship just keeps giving

**irisbest** : so many revelations

**oliverqueer** : I hope you win

**captaincold** : you're a traitor and I'm coming for you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh boy, was i tempted to write about how ronnie and oliver look similar, just to have some more meta-ish laugh. but then reverse racism was funnier


	29. Chapter 29

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ... hartley is back. and he brings some news.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SUPER SORRY FOR UPDATING THIS LATE!!! I spent my morning watching the _amazing_ season premieres of Flash and Legends, and then I was stuck in Sanskrit class until just now.  
>  But I'm pretty sure you will like this chapter ;)
> 
> -
> 
> transphobia warning!

**captaincold** : I'm booooored

**lesbianda** : me too

**lesbianda** : did you lose yesterday

**captaincold** : absolutely not 

**lesbianda** : how bad was it

**captaincold** : I don't remember any more it was the worst moment of my life

**babybibibi** : was it worse than the time you paralysed a girl

**captaincold** : fucking Mick

**captaincold** : no it was not

**lesbianda** : then it wasn't that bad

**captaincold** : it's wasn't a bad /date/

**captaincold** : bar gets very excited when they make a strike and it's cute

**lesbianda** : awwww

**babybibibi** : awwwww

**bilance** : ifucking sound like a broken record but who would have thought that you guys would be such an adorable couple

**captaincold** : I'm not adorable I'm hardcore

**bilance** : sure thing

**spACEbar** : you're the most hardcore person I know you just pout a lot when you lose

**captaincold** : stop betraying me and pay attention in class

**babybibibi** : aw

**spACEbar** : I'm pipetting something and it takes forever

**spACEbar** : cisco's not here so I can't even do anything other than text with you guys

**detectiveprettybi** : :(

**babybibibi** : who is y'all's most hated public figure

**lesbianda** : trump

**spACEbar** : Benedict cumberbatch 

**captaincold** : Putin

**detectiveprettybi** : Jennifer Lawrence 

**captaincold** : lmao trust bar to listen to Justin Bieber but hate on cumberbatch

**spACEbar** : shut up

**spACEbar** : he's an ugly elitist racist and ableist shithead whom ppl worship for some reason

**captaincold** : fair

**detectiveprettybi** : same for jlaw really did y'all hear about the thing with the sacred rocks 

**lesbianda** : THAT WAS SO NASTY

**babybibibi** : I fucking hate Jimmy Kimmel

**babybibibi** : idk he has such a mean face

**lesbianda** : yeah I can see that

**detectiveprettybi** : yeah Hartley may *be* a rat but Jimmy Kimmel looks like one

**captaincold** : speaking of did he ever come home

**babybibibi** : he still didn't get back to me

**lesbianda** : I can't believe you and Hartley actually are friends tbh how did this happen

**babybibibi** : funny story I was TA in one of his classes and he talked to me once

**babybibibi** : Cisco saw that and was like ???? the dude is awful 

**babybibibi** : so that only made me talk to him for real and yeah

**detectiveprettybi** : may I just say

**detectiveprettybi** : how the turn tables 

**bilance** : when I left hart wasn't home yet 

**lesbianda** : hope he's alright 

**pipes** : I'm fine

**captaincold** : pipes you were gone for more than 15 hours where'd you go

**pipes** : I'll tell when everyone's here

**pipes** : otherwise someone might complain they weren't live for that 

**lesbianda** : eye emoji

**irisbest** : bar’s class is over in half an hour

**captaincold** : I'm waking Mick up

**bilance** : I'm calling  Oliver so that he's bailing on Felicity

**babybibibi** : Caitlin's taking her break early

**pipes** : y'all are fucking unbelievable

**heatwave** : this better be worth it

**snowflake** : okay I have an hour

**spACEbar** : H SHIT

**spACEbar** : thanks for waiting for me

**oliverqueer** : here I am

**lesbianda** : OKAY STORY TIME

**pipes** : well

 

**pipes** added  **notcis-co** to the chat

 

**detectiveprettybi** : eye emoji

**notcis-co** : the fucking drama

**snowflake** : did you talk things out??

**pipes** : among other things, yeah

**captaincold** : eye emoji

**lesbianda** : eye emoji

**spACEbar** : eye emoji

**irisbest** : eye emoji

**detectiveprettybi** : eye emoji

**babybibibi** : eye emoji

**oliverqueer** : eye emoji

**snowflake** : eye emoji

**bilance** : could you please just tell us what happened

**notcis-co** : the short version is that Hartley annoyed me into listening to his apology

**pipes** : I beat up axel

**oliverqueer** : what

**heatwave** : why do I doubt that

**notcis-co** : … yeah almost

**lesbianda** : DETAILS PLEASE

**pipes** : dig talkes some sense into me and I figured it really was shitty that I stormed out after what happened

**spACEbar** : right

**pipes** : Cisco was obviously pissed at me so he wouldn't open up and I kept hours standing in front of his door

**notcis-co** : it was 15mins at most

**pipes** : it felt like hours

**pipes** : so axel comes home at one point and is fucking annoying, I tell him to fuck off

**pipes** : and he obviously thinks I have nothing else on my mind than sex and since I'm trying to get to Cisco I must have wanted to fuck him 

**notcis-co** : well

**babybibibi** : “well”

**lesbianda** : WELL

**captaincold** : eye emoji

**pipes** : goes “I thought you were gay why would you wanna fuck him”

**oliverqueer** : oh no

**detectiveprettybi** : fuck

**notcis-co** : yeah turns out axel is a transphobic piece of shit

**pipes** : so I flung myself at him

**notcis-co** : and got punched real bad

**pipes** : cue Cisco FINALLY OPENING  THE DOOR

**notcis-co** : sorry but from the sounds of it you could have also started making out

**pipes** : the fact that you think so low of me

**notcis-co** : not really any more

**lesbianda** : … what.

**pipes** : ANYWAY so Cisco makes me come inside to patch me up

**pipes** : and then we fucked

**lesbianda** : WHAT

**irisbest** : that as anticlimatic

**bilance** : ???? More info

**notcis-co** : ffs hartley

**notcis-co** : he starts telling me how I can't live with a transphobe next door and I'm just “??? Yeah well I can't exactly move into the quiver bc then I'd live in the same house as a dude who turned me down”

**notcis-co** : and basically as it turns out he's an idiot who didn't know he likes me too, we made out, we fucked, we’re dating

**pipes** : you now have two minutes to hand in all your questions

**spACEbar** : WHAT

**irisbest** : holy shit

**captaincold** : how was the sex

**lesbianda** : how did you even start fooling around the first time around 

**oliverqueer** : since when did either of you even like the other

**spACEbar** : you're dating HARTLEY RATHAWAY

**bilance** : Hartley fucked a transphobe???? 

**notcis-co** : I love everyone's priorities

**pipes** : I DIDNT KNOW HE WAS TRANSPHOBIC I ALREADY FEEL AWFUL ABOUT THAG

**notcis-co** : the sex was awesome let's just say hartleys tongue is talented

**pipes** : (:

**pipes** : Cisco has longer fingers than you think

**captaincold** : awesome

**babybibibi** : it's a surprise isn't it

**pipes** : could've told me

**babybibibi** : “hey hartley btw my bf whom you hate is good at fingering jsyk”

**notcis-co** : turns out he didn't actually hate me though

**babybibibi** : ffs

**irisbest** : what???

**notcis-co** : lmao guess who was hartleys gay awakening

**detectiveprettybi** : WHAT

**heatwave** : what the fuck

**pipes** : … I'm apparently very good at repressing my feelings and interpreting them differently

**pipes** : I'm blaming stein though

**spACEbar** : who the fuck is stein

**notcis-co** : our chem teacher from high school

**detectiveprettybi** : HIGH SCHOOL

**notcis-co** : freshman year ;)

**spACEbar** : holy fuck

**oliverqueer** : what even

**lesbianda** : what the hell has your teacher to do with that

**pipes** : turned us against each other pretty much so like

**pipes** : Cisco fell for me when my parents kicked me out so who's rocking the sad homeless lifestyle now

**detectiveprettybi** : wtf

**irisbest** : so you did break up with ronnie bc of Hartley ????

**babybibibi** : no not really

**notcis-co** : no

**pipes** : he only started to act on it after trying to kill me with a pillow tho

**captaincold** : I bet it was because you popped a boner

**pipes** : … no

**notcis-co** : yes

**pipes** : I'm breaking up with you

**lesbianda** : I CANT BELIEVE YOURE FINALLY DATING

**lesbianda** : THAT TENSION FUCKING KILLED ME

**detectiveprettybi** : there goes your chance for hot hate sex tho

**pipes** : NO FUCK

**captaincold** : look on the bright side you guys will probably fight a lot and have angry sex nonetheless

**notcis-co** : probably

**pipes** : ay

**babybibibi** : thank fuck you got your shit together I was exploding 

**notcis-co** : best ex ever <3

**heatwave** : y'all are wild

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies to all the Axel lovers! I just needed some really bad drama, lmao.
> 
> [Here's](http://archiveofourown.org/works/12255837/chapters/28047294) a link to a longer version of the story :)


	30. Chapter 30

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> there's lots of easter eggs to canon happening in this and they're literally not hidden at all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> death mention, injury, amptuation(???) warnings for this one

**lesbianda** : guys i just noticed that only 3 of us are single and two of those are on the aro spectrum so

**lesbianda** : ending the gay = sad trope with all our power

**pipes** : im still very much sad

**detectiveprettybi** : hartley were all aware that youre chronically depressed and should get that diagnosed at some point

**pipes** : im not going to talk to a random person about how shit my life is

**captaincold** : its fun to see a stranger be completely mortified at the shit youve gone through tho

**pipes** : hm /that/ sounds tempting

**babybibibi** : im also glad we’re actively working against bury your gays

**heatwave** : i almost burnt to death once tho

**lesbianda** : you know i’d be more shocked if this wasnt you

**spACEbar** : i was almost struck by lightning once!

**oliverqueer** : hey sara remember when we went boating and crashed and i almost drowned

**bilance** : nah i only remember that time when you thought you could impress me with archery and ended up shooting an arrow into my shoulder

**detectiveprettybi** : h o ly sh i t

**lesbianda** : i hope this was the reason you dumped him omg

**bilance** : nah i went out with him a few times after that before i came to my senses, packed my things and went to tibet for half a year

**detectiveprettybi** : damn oliver you seem kinda awful

**oliverqueer** : NONE OF THAT WAS ON PURPOSE

**notcis-co** : i once dreamt that someone stabbed me and it felt so real to this day im convinced an alternate version of me died somewhere

**detectiveprettybi** : I FEEL i once dreamt i shot myself to get rid of an evil descendant of mine and i swear i have phantom pain from that

**babybibibi** : im convinced ill explode one day. Like ltierally. Feels inevitable

**heatwave** : awesome

**captaincold** : this is so wild wtf

**captaincold** : i once dreamt of blowing up in a doctor who level time machine shit

**captaincold** : also that i lost my hand somehow??

**spACEbar** : that explains so much

**lesbianda** : … what does it explain

**spACEbar** : sometimes he just zones out staring at his hand like he cant believe its there

**snowflake** : are you telling me 8 people in this chat almost died once/are sure they did die in some way or another

**pipes** : no thats insane they’re not all that crazy

**notcis-co** : i said what i said

**detectiveprettybi** : same i swear my chest hurts just thinking about it

**captaincold** : it’s been established that i am, in fact, crazy to some degree

**heatwave** : ^ cant argue with that

**pipes** : i have a question and it’s why do i always have the hots for the crazy ones

**irisbest** : maybe because youre not right in the head either

**lesbianda** : i love how iris comes online and immediately roasts hart

**captaincold** : truly iconic

**pipes** : cisco defend me

**notcis-co** : nah

**irisbest** : actually i wanted to congratulate oliver for making the local news

**oliverqueer** : i did what

**bilance** : not again what did you do

**oliverqueer** : NOTHING what is this about

**irisbest** : [video attached]

**detectiveprettybi** : so now you ARE bi???

**oliverqueer** : i??? Never said any of this??

**oliverqueer** : ah shit i know where this comes from

**lesbianda** : do tell

**oliverqueer** : i talked to susan williams from the college paper about the club bc they make you do that idk its college rules

**oliverqueer** : and adrian the fucker must have decided to pass it on to Actual News

**notcis-co** : and rewrite shit you said?

**oliverqueer** : basically

**oliverqueer** : i just said i’m in the community but even if i werent its important to support

**irisbest** : trust tv to make a sketch out of it that just is OLIVER QUEEN COMES OUT AS BISEXUAL

**lesbianda** : thats why newspaper is so much better lmao you have to write more than two lines to get published

**babybibibi** : love that rep tho thanks oliver

**detectiveprettybi** : its refreshing to see he didnt paint you as gay

**bilance** : lmao moira just called him

**captaincold** : whos this adrian figure

**bilance** : adrian chase, editor of the college paper, studies law and polisci, a fucking asshole

**spACEbar** : oliver should tell authorities about what the guy did

**heatwave** : i say we beat him up

**notcis-co** : mick you cant just beat everyone up

**heatwave** : i bet i can

**bilance** : moira will probably try to sue the guy

**bilance** : its not the first time oliver was on tv and certainly not the worst thing

**oliverqueer** : gotta do a press conference lmao

**captaincold** : rich ppl are wild wtf

**babybibibi** : what does she want you to say youre straight or what

**bilance** : well since she doesnt even know oliver likes men,,

**oliverqueer** : I only told her that I never said anything like that I have no idea how she interprets it

**detectiveprettybi** : whens the conference

**oliverqueer** : tomorrow. gotta fly to star in the morning

**oliverqueer** : hey Hartley unlock your door I gotta talk to you

**pipes** : ??? Ok????

**irisbest** : anyone else confused by what’s happening here

**babybibibi** : hartley probably annoyed the shit out of tommy again

**bilance** : as far as i know they didnt even see each other the whole day,,,,

**notcis-co** : since when is that even a reason not to be annoyed by him

**lesbianda** : im glad that dating didnt change your behaviour towards each other in any way

**notcis-co** : gotta keep my branding

**heatwave** : youre branding is fucking nerd

**notcis-co** : you know i dont even feel hurt by that

**heatwave** : shit

**captaincold** : i cant believe fucking cisco ramon ended mick

**captaincold** : proud of you lil one

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> again a pretty late update but my friend and i finished teen wolf today and im affected by my love for scott mccall, the purest character of all time, whom i love so much,


	31. Chapter 31

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the press conference is happening lol

**oliverqueer** : you guys might wanna go on queen consolidated’s homepage

**oliverqueer** : oliver & co left about half an hour ago so the conference should start soon

**bilance** : lmao did ollie really forget his phone

**oliverqueer** : yeah fucking idiot

**bilance** : anyway im gonna rabbit it with nyssa shell love this drama

**detectiveprettybi** : tommy!!!!!! My man

**oliverqueer** : no

**detectiveprettybi** : rude

**irisbest** : ive got bar and snart with me to watch it

**irisbest** : wally too lmao

**heatwave** : i wish we wouldnt do this but linda just pulled out her laptop

**captaincold** : are you talking shit about me again

**heatwave** : 24/7

**babybibibi** : we’re online too

**oliverqueer** : im amazed how none of you seem to have a life

**captaincold** : rude

**detectiveprettybi** : i still cant believe theres a fucking press conference about this

**bilance** : moira likes to have them about everything

**bilance** : oliver: [breaks his toe] moira: SHIT GOTTA CALL THE REPORTERS

**babybibibi** : im lowkey scared of her

**detectiveprettybi** : same

**oliverqueer** : she’s… certainly one of a kind

**irisbest** : quote wally “she looks like she has just eaten something spoilt”

**bilance** : haha yeah thats moira

**heatwave** : old rich ppl talking is so weird

**spACEbar** : in the exact moment you wrote that snart imitated a rich old white guy talking

**heatwave** : yeah he’s got that down

**heatwave** : creepy af

**babybibibi** : fake it till you make it

**detectiveprettybi** : holy SHIT 

**irisbest** : wow

**detectiveprettybi** : oliver in a suit is something,,,

**lesbianda** : he does clean up nice

**bilance** : ah i forgot it’s y’all’s first time

**notcis-co** : im gay

**babybibibi** : same

**detectiveprettybi** : same

**heatwave** : he looks bigger than he is

**captaincold** : fills out nicely

**irisbest** : shhh he speaks

**captaincold** : fucking hell why doesnt he just call out that clown

**babybibibi** : can you believe that oliver jonas queen is too nice for his own good

**lesbianda** : i didnt even know oliver knew so many words

**oliverqueer** : im always shocked when he says a proper sentence

**irisbest** : close friendship between two cis guys is so strange

**babybibibi** : hart and i arent strange

**detectiveprettybi** : dude you pretty much handed him your ex thats a lil strange

**irisbest:** Ronnie honey you're not cis did u forget

**spACEbar** : OOOOHHHH OLIVER

**bilance** : look at him go :’)

**babybibibi** : ive never been more proud of anyone saying they’re not bi

**detectiveprettybi** : ^

**irisbest** : how is he so good with words wtf

**lesbianda** : this is so cute wtf 

**lesbianda** : “very much in love with my girlfriend” like?? aw?

**spACEbar** : it really is!!!! I love their love

**heatwave** : whats he doing now

**notcis-co** : WAIT WHAT IS HARTLEY DOING THERE

**detectiveprettybi** : HE LOOKS SO TINY WTF

**babybibibi** : OH

**lesbianda** : HOLY SHIT

**captaincold** : damn that’s badass

**heatwave** : im impressed what the fuck

**irisbest** : HES JUST CALLING OUT HIS PARENTS

**notcis-co** : ive never been more attracted to him in my whole life

**detectiveprettybi** : wow

**lesbianda** : cisco loves his bad guys

**lesbianda** : why’d he ever date ronnie

**babybibibi** : rUDE

**snowflake** : aw hartley loves us

**babybibibi** : AAAAYYYY OLIVER

**detectiveprettybi** : when did he THINK about creating an emergency hotline thing for lgbt ppl

**spACEbar** : not all heroes wear capes

**notcis-co** : OH WOW

**bilance** : literally when did ollie fucking grow up

**oliverqueer** : idk probably when he switched from beers to coffee

**detectiveprettybi** : he drank beer before coffee????

**heatwave** : rich ppl

**oliverqueer** : we had a wild youth okay

**notcis-co** : can we talk about my boyfriend fucking ruining his parents’ lives

**captaincold** : sweet sweet revenge

**lesbianda** : oliver and hartley teaming up is something i never hoped for but it’s fucking GREAT

**babybibibi** : dat slytherin/gryffindor friendship

**notcis-co** : ^

**spACEbar** : ohhhh yes

**irisbest** : okay but we definitely need to take hartley shopping some time i feel like he only has 5 shirts

**oliverqueer** : he steals enough of ours tbh

**oliverqueer** : that one was mine

**notcis-co** : yeah and those are too big for him he always looks like a potato sack

**lesbianda** : bring back Well Dressed Hartley Rathaway 2k17

**babybibibi** : but make him look less like a nerd

**notcis-co** : ^

**lesbianda** : he /iS/ A NERD

**notcis-co** : true,,, but yall dont even know what he used to dress like before he was disowned do you

**babybibibi** : oh boy

**babybibibi** : [image attached]

**notcis-co** : [image attached]

**babybibibi** : [image attached]

**spACEbar** : originally i wanted to tell cisco that its not nice to share high school pics of people bc we all regret that time but shit

**irisbest** : IN COLLEGE????

**notcis-co** : my boyfriend is a fashion disaster please help him

**babybibibi** : sco your wardobe consists of graphic tees

**bilance** : tommy lets take him shopping as a christmas present

**oliverqueer** : why me

**detectiveprettybi** : bc you dress hot??

**oliverqueer** : well yeah

**captaincold** : take lisa with you she loves giving people a makeover

**bilance** : how many did you suffer through

**captaincold** : literally none i am fashionable

**heatwave** : pfff

**lesbianda** : i need pictures

**heatwave** : i have none sadly

**babybibibi** : smh mick what do we keep you around for

**spACEbar** : im still not over oliver doing this

**notcis-co** : ME NEITHER what a good

**detectiveprettybi** : if you think this makes me stop bullying him youre absolutely wrong

**bilance** : absolute legend eddie thawne

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is very cryptic, of course, so.... Want a detailed version of Oliver's speech? Go [here](https://archiveofourown.org/works/12255837/chapters/28091907)!


	32. Chapter 32

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> tommy's still around for the first part of the chapter but then he leaves :((( and hartley finally gets something he's been wanting for a while

**pipes** : friends, meet Shriekibald Fernando Arcturus Ramon II

**pipes** : [image attached]

**snowflake** : why is it wearing cisco’s name

**pipes** : I'm not burdening any other person with my surname

**captaincold** : relatable

**pipes** : when we marry I'll take cisco's name anyway so

**detectiveprettybi** : Snart you literally go by your last name wtf

**lesbianda** : OH MY GOD WHAT

**irisbest** : this is the cutest fucking shit I have ever seen

**notcis-co** : holy fuck

**notcis-co** : Hartley,,,, babe,,,, what did i miss

**pipes** : the birth of your son

**captaincold** : my first name is pretentious af and all the nicknames sound ridiculous what am I supposed to do pretty bi

**heatwave** : otherwise people would think hes human how awful would that be

**irisbest** : not even Leonard Allen sounds good poor you

**lesbianda** : why are y'all suddenly talking about marriage what is going on

**pipes** : disgraced sons with shit parents wbu

**bilance** : Oliver's a fan of hyphens

**babybibibi** : he did not talk about marrying you when you dated did he

**bilance** : nah but his notebooks have doodles of Smoak-Queen everywhere 

**spACEbar** : cant believe you finally got your rat!

**pipes** : yeah oliver got him as a thanks for helping out

**pipes** : wouldnt have needed any encouraging to roast my parents but ill accept it

**detectiveprettybi** : honestly that was so great youre a fearless warrior hartley

**heatwave** : i have to agree

**pipes** : :^)

**notcis-co** : when are you guys coming back

**pipes** : oliver’s talking to moira about finances but i guess tonight

**notcis-co** : yay

**captaincold** : let me translate

**captaincold** : cisco cant wait to fuck the shit out of you

**pipes** : i earned it

**lesbianda** : true

**snowflake** : so oliver is really going through with that idea

**oliverqueer** : wouldnt believe how ambitious the guy can be

**bilance** : stubborn is more like it

**oliverqueer** : tomayto tomahto

**spACEbar** : its probably the christmas spirit tbh

**notcis-co** : CHRISTMAS IS SO SOON

**snowflake** : GUYS

**snowflake** : I JUST HAD AN IDEA

**lesbianda** : did anyone else notice cait is pretty much only here for screaming about something exciting

**irisbest** : yeah its cute

**snowflake** : SECRET SANTA

**detectiveprettybi** : oh no thats chaos

**lesbianda** : do we even know each other well enough for that

**bilance** : does snart even celebrate christmas

**captaincold** : hell its whatevs i dont even celebrate jewish hols

**captaincold** : tho that’d mean i have to buy 4 presents,

**detectiveprettybi** : id be so thankful if i only had to get 4 presents

**heatwave** : look on the bright side if you got bar or me you only gotta buy 3 after all

**captaincold** : true

**lesbianda** : so the presents you have to buy are really just for your sister, your best friend and your datemate? Thats the fucking dream life

**captaincold** : shit family life etc etc

**pipes** : high five

**spACEbar** : whom do YOU all get presents for?

**oliverqueer** : um if we all agree not to get each other anything just because then its quite a bit less

**babybibibi** : idk about yall but i wouldnt say no to a present from a billionaire

**notcis-co** : same

**heatwave** : ^

**spACEbar** : wait is this oliver again

**pipes** : yeah felicity hacked into his phone so he can use the chat

**detectiveprettybi** : fucking amazing

**snowflake** : we could just do secret santa and nobody would feel pressured to buy stuff for all of us how about that

**spACEbar** : that sounds reasonable

**lesbianda** : i suppose that’s okay

**pipes** : yeah i agree i have no fucking money so

**irisbest** : i agree

**babybibibi** : so are we all gonna meet up just to draw names from a hat

**oliverqueer** : i could ask felicity for an online alternative 

**oliverqueer** : then we’d have more time to buy stuff and meet before christmas to exchange it

**detectiveprettybi** : sounds fine

**spACEbar** : also dont give each other tips on what to buy i want to see the most random things to happen

**notcis-co** : GOOD CALL

**lesbianda** : and after three months, we still continue to be a fucking mess

**bilance** : thats what friends are for

**pipes** : ohhhhh we should ask the rest of the quiver gang to join so that it gets even worse

**detectiveprettybi** : YES

**irisbest** : you just want to torture tommy dont you

**detectiveprettybi** : you know me

**captaincold** : im fucking in this sounds great

**oliverqueer** : i cant believe that caitlin and bar, the calmest people in this chat, did THIS

**babybibibi** : caitlin’s the worst around christmas

**babybibibi** : or generally winter

**notcis-co** : yeah its like she only comes alive when it snows

**captaincold** : fucking same

**heatwave** : snart’s just thrilled to finally wear his parka again

**captaincold** : it was fucking expensive so sue me for valueing it

**pipes** : cant wait to see you in it

**irisbest** : he looks cute in it

**spACEbar** : ^

**spACEbar** : besides of course, my boyfriend is not cute at all but hardcore as yall know

**lesbianda** : yeah we all tremble before him

**captaincold** : as you should

**babybibibi** : hey remember when we thought snart was this intimidating criminal when actually he’s a cinnamon roll

**detectiveprettybi** : looks like he could kill you, is actually a cinnamon roll

**captaincold** : yeah?

**captaincold** : you wanna test that?

**spACEbar** : len no

**captaincold** : youre really killing my authority here babe

**bilance** : better that than a person

**oliverqueer** : i summarize: secret santa is on, gotta ask dig, laurel, lisa and tommy whether they wanna join

**snowflake** : YAY

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh boy you guys i have a big problem?  
> i only have two more chapters (and the beginning of two interludes?) left?? which is because i was sick for so long and because i only have like two plot bunnies left to include in this? so if any of yall has ideas THROW THEM AT ME  
> also i have no idea if and how im able to write bc my classes started again and i have to translate texts every week and ALSO PREPARE FOR NANOWRIMO which is linked to one of my classes and??? this fic will probably go on hiatus for some time eventually which is sad but. life.


	33. Chapter 33

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> mick's settled on a major, everyone is gay af and hartley is called into wells' office

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THANK YOU ALL for the love and understanding and all the ideas you gave me!!! i'll do my best to include most of them, but like i said i'm quite busy and all that jazz, so I guess after tomorrow this fic will only update like once a week? (hopefully)

**oliverqueer** : the quiver crew is in

**oliverqueer** : Lisa was the only one who really /wanted/ to but yeah

**snowflake** : nice!!!!

**detectiveprettybi** : oh i hope i get tommy

**irisbest** : why do you wanna kill him so bad

**detectiveprettybi** : someone’s gotta

**oliverqueer** : please don’t kill my best friend?

**babybibibi** : where’s mick why doesn’t he shout about wanting to kill someone

**irisbest** : class probably

**babybibibi** : oh whats he trying today?

**lesbianda** : nothing he’s actually properly studying 1 subject now

**detectiveprettybi** : say WHAAAAt

**detectiveprettybi** : why dont we know about this

**lesbianda** : bc he didnt do a big announcement in the chat?

**irisbest** : yeah ya gotta work for info bout mick irl

**oliverqueer** : your sibling is dating his best friend i wouldnt call that working for it

**babybibibi** : ??????

**babybibibi** : so what does he study???

**lesbianda** : sports science

**oliverqueer** : that sounds difficult as heck

**irisbest** : are you calling mick dumb

**oliverqueer** : WHAT NO

**snowflake** : ohhhh but that seems fitting

**snowflake** : he could put martial arts as his focus and blam he’d be happy

**lesbianda** : yeah thats what i said too

**notcis-co** : sitting next to hartley in physics is the worst decision ive ever made

**babybibibi** : oh boy

**notcis-co** : you’d think having his bf next to him would keep him from being thirsty but nah

**irisbest** : does anything keep him from being thirsty tho

**detectiveprettybi** : ^

**notcis-co** : anyway wells called him into his office and i hope he gets to blow him lmaoooo

**oliverqueer** : oh shit cisco’s pissed

**snowflake** : what does wells want from him

**notcis-co** : hell what do i know

**babybibibi** : maybe he finally gets a reward for sucking up to him

**detectiveprettybi** : maybe your prof got a restraining order

**babybibibi** : it wouldnt surprise me

**lesbianda** : wow is he really that bad

**notcis-co** : you have no idea

**snowflake** : heck yes he is

**irisbest** : incredible

**detectiveprettybi** : look on the bright side the guy’s been thirsting after you for ages i doubt he’d play with that

**notcis-co** : yeah no im not actually thinking hed cheat on me lmao

**notcis-co** : especially since he said i should wait for him after class

**lesbianda** : yeah youd know what a post-sex hartley looks like after all

**notcis-co** : right

**captaincold** : i heard about pipes having sex here i am

**oliverqueer** : that is not at all irritating

**captaincold** : thats our dynamic get used to it

**spACEbar** : yeah like even /i/ am used to it

**irisbest** : hey how was your lunch date

**spACEbar** : good until sara appeared out of nowhere and hollered at us

**oliverqueer** : yeah she tends to do that

**bilance** : I also tend to do THIS

**bilance** : [image attached]

**detectiveprettybi** : dramatic entrances?

**detectiveprettybi** : OH

**irisbest** : aw you cuties

**lesbianda** : who woulda thought Snart would do a thing so primitive as holding hands

**bilance** : he DOES look cute in this parka dontcha think

**captaincold** : this is a conspiracy 

**irisbest** : shrug emoji

**captaincold** : wally is my favourite west now

**oliverqueer** : harsh

**detectiveprettybi** : why haven't I met wally yet :(

**irisbest** : because you don't feel like sucking up to my family?

**detectiveprettybi** : if we were actually dating I would jsyk

**bilance** : the ultimate sacrifice

**captaincold** : romantic

**lesbianda** : eddie has a crush on iris pass it on

**spACEbar** : aww

**irisbest** : everybody has a crush on me pass it on

**irisbest** : except for the gay sweethearts ofc

**babybibibi** : where are they even

**oliverqueer** : probably having a rl

**captaincold** : another one of pipes’ dream threesomes?

**snowflake** : oh for god's sake

**detectiveprettybi** : okay but that /is/ probably one of his dream threesomes

**lesbianda** : can you believe hartley is dating the guy that made him gay

**snowflake** : can a single person make you gay though

**bilance** : its an expression

**babybibibi** : a gaypression

**captaincold** : i need to clean my eyes

**bilance** : ronnie pls stay away from puns

**babybibibi** : :/

**lesbianda** : who was y’all’s gay awakening

**detectiveprettybi** : hugh grant

**spACEbar** : rdj in back to school

**bilance** : penelope cruz

**captaincold** : ewan mcgregor

**babybibibi** : EWAN MCGREGOR

**babybibibi** : good one

**captaincold** : loved the hair in episode 1

**spACEbar** : ,,, same

**lesbianda** : wait which one

**babybibibi** : [image attached]

**bilance** : why do they even have these braids

**spACEbar** : aesthetic

**pipes** : The World Is A Beautiful Place And I No Longer Want To Die

**detectiveprettybi** : isnt it called And I’m No Longer Afraid To Die

**pipes** : im starting my own band and that will be its name

**captaincold** : what got you in a good mood did you get to fuck your prof

**pipes** : no

**irisbest** : see that? He’s heartbroken

**pipes** : wells pretty much offered me a job

**babybibibi** : say whaaaaat

**snowflake** : what!!! That’s amazing!

**pipes** : yeah it’s nothing fixed yet 

**pipes** : and nothing big either just some research at mercury but yeah!!!

**captaincold** : nice one

**spACEbar** : !!! that’s so good

**pipes** : said he originally wanted to wait until graduation bc College Stress™ but as it turns out wells keeps up with the queens

**pipes** : figured i could use it now already which isnt wrong

**lesbianda** : can’t believe hartley is the very definition of “it gets better”

**pipes** : so yeah just wanted to tell yall im gonna leave now i have my bf waiting for me

**detectiveprettybi** : have fun celebrating!!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> me: hey who could have been eddie's gay awakening  
> my trivia loving ass: hugh grant bc rick cosnett is his cousin  
> me: OH NICE ONE


	34. Chapter 34

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> gay shit happens

**oliverqueer** : did everyone get that automatic message

**detectiveprettybi** : i did!

**spACEbar** : i loved the message’s text give felicity my love

**bilance** : since when do you hang out with felicity

**bilance** : also i got one

**spACEbar** : we ran into each other yesterday it was fun

**pipes** : i can see you guys getting along

**spACEbar** : :^)

**captaincold** : i got a message too

**captaincold** : lisa and mick too

**snowflake** : don’t tell each other whom you got!!!!!

**snowflake** : we got ours too tho

**irisbest** : Linda and I got ours too

**notcis-co** : I got mine too

**oliverqueer** : nice

**notcis-co** : I'm bored what's your fav bone

**notcis-co** : *VINE

**spACEbar** : I was so confused

**detectiveprettybi** : I bet Caitlin actually started to think about it

**snowflake** : … no?

**pipes** : she totally thought about it

**snowflake** : I'm becoming a doctor let me have a favourite bone

**captaincold** : I hope the next thing you say is that it's ronnie’s bone

**pipes** : IM CHOKING

**notcis-co** : yeah that's happens with xyr dick

**captaincold** : amazing

**bilance** : WOW

**snowflake** : CISCO

**notcis-co** : answer my question

**irisbest** : AND THEY WERE ROOMMATES

**irisbest** : a classic

**detectiveprettybi** : do I LOOK liKe yOUr DaDDY

**captaincold** : two brooooos chilling in a hot tuuub five feet apart cuz they're not gay

**pipes** : go suck a dick suck a dick suck a motherfucking dick suck a huge or smaaall diiiick

**spACEbar** : fuck this shit I'm out

**detectiveprettybi** : “I don't get it. Do you like boys or girls” - “YES”

**notcis-co** : ofc someone had to bring up Thomas Sanders 

**pipes** : he's a gay legend babe

**detectiveprettybi** : snart literally brought up fucking smosh

**captaincold** : he isn't part of smosh any more you jackass

**notcis-co** : I can't believe you actually know that

**snowflake** : 10 BILLION POINTS FOR GRYFFINPUFF FUCK YOU SNAPE GRYFFINPUFF WINS

**pipes** : A GLORIOUS ONE

**oliverqueer** : y'all know the one where dude plays minigolf and misses so he jumps into a lake?

**oliverqueer** : that's me in this chat

**bilance** : y'all forgot the best vine of all time

**spACEbar** : the one of Bieber and Adam Sandler bumping into each other?

**bilance** : when moms not home

**captaincold** : bar I love you but Jesus Christ you're the worst

**notcis-co** : OH THATS REALLY THE BEST VINE

**pipes** : great now I have this fucking melody stuck in my head

**bilance** : that's why its so great

**snowflake** : did snart just say he loves bar

**irisbest** : not the first time

**detectiveprettybi** : woooooooow

**notcis-co** : aw wow

**spACEbar** : :^)

**bilance** : #otp

**bilance** : for my birthday i want to live in your bubble of love

**detectiveprettybi** : when is your birthday

**oliverqueer** : christmas

**irisbest** : my condolences

**bilance** : its cool im getting twice the presents heh

**pipes** : wheres ronnie even

**snowflake** : currently contemplating life while lying on the bed and staring at the ceiling

**captaincold** : relatable

**captaincold** : that’s mick’s favourite acitvity

**detectiveprettybi** : i thought that was sleeping

**spACEbar** : same thing really

**irisbest** : i can imagine that

**pipes** : anyway tell xem to meet me at jitters this afternoon

**snowflake** : why

**pipes** : to hang out??? I feel like i havent chilled with xem in ages

**oliverqueer** : well you did have drama going on

**notcis-co** : it could have been worse

**bilance** : alternative title for this groupchat: “stay friends w/ ur ex!”

**detectiveprettybi** : and the new datemate of ur ex!

**irisbest** : this just proves that we’re all mature human beings

**captaincold** : i have never laughed harder in my life

**notcis-co** : dude youre almost 30 you gotta be a little mature

**captaincold** : there’s nothing i gotta do except like breathe

**pipes** : youre an inspiration snart

**captaincold** : thanks i try

**oliverqueer** : when do yall leave for christmas holidays? Then we can find a day to meet beforehand

**irisbest** : bar and i are staying at home anyways so it’s whatever

**captaincold** : we cant even leave that’s insensible oliver

**notcis-co** : fojfkffll

**notcis-co** : im only visiting my parents on christmas eve so?

**pipes** : ^

**bilance** : holy shit hartley is meeting your parents already

**notcis-co** : no he’s met them years ago

**notcis-co** : but as The Boyfriend, yeah

**spACEbar** : amazing!!!!

**detectiveprettybi** : so much gay shit is happening today i love this

**detectiveprettybi** : im leaving on the 23rd and ill only be back in the new year

**oliverqueer** : hm

**oliverqueer** : ill ask again when everyones online

**pipes** : good call

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and with that we leave the daily updates! I hope that I'll manage to update on the weekend? Should be doable, really.


	35. Chapter 35

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> halloween!!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> multiple people (including my friend who doesn't even read this fic?) have shouted at me FOR FORGETTING HALLOWEEN EXISTS so here's a throwback. happens somewhere between the group's first meeting and cisco's visit to his abuelo (??? i think logically there's only like a day inbetween those but let's pretend it's more shhh)

**ronnieraymond** : behold for your favourite OT3

**ronnieraymond** : [image attached]

**spACEbar** : !!!! how did you guess 

**captaincold** : quick question why isnt caitlin bones? Wouldve made more sense

**detectiveprettybi** : u look good in gold ronnie

**notcis-co** : lmao a) way too obvious b) the amount of times cait says ‘fascinating’ in one day is endless

**bilance** : incredible

**spACEbar** : so are you guys partying?

**notcis-co** : yeah the physics department has this party and ronnie, as an actual TA like one dreams of, has to attend

**pipes** : im glad i never applied for that job

**notcis-co** : youre just jealous bc u have no costume

**pipes** : jokes on you i have the perfect dementor costume

**bilance** : its the only thing he could come up with with his limited clothing

**captaincold** : thats almost sad

**detectiveprettybi** : my costume is sexy nurse

**pipes** : oh ym god

**captaincold** : wow

**spACEbar** : im going as the great saiyaman

**spACEbar** : iris is forcing me to tag along to the CCPD’s party which is weird but ok

**notcis-co** : i hope the helmet saves you

**bilance** : literally what the fuck is the great saiyaman

**notcis-co** : WHAT

**pipes** : uh oh

**spACEbar** : HOW DARE YOU

**notcis-co** : [image attached]

**spACEbar** : just one of the best characters in the history of television

**bilance** : oh an anime

**spACEbar** : i feel so attacked right now

**detectiveprettybi** : hey sara what do you dress up as

**bilance** : a motherfucking canary

**detectiveprettybi** : oh cool are you going out?

**bilance** : yeah the club tommy works at has a party

**bilance** : he’s going as merlin and made oliver dress up as arthur

**bilance** : wanted to make me lance(lot)

**notcis-co** : thats so uncreative that i love it

**ronnieraymond** : are we just ignoring #merthur

**spACEbar** : why are you all hurting me today 

**bilance** : oliver’s second costume idea would have been robin hood

**detectiveprettybi** : going wild on the english legends i see

**ronnieraymond** : snart what about you guys are you going out

**captaincold** : probably hitting up saints & sinners at one point

**notcis-co** : are you dressing up????

**captaincold** : sure! I’m going as your local abusive childhood experience and mick is an average vin diesel role

**spACEbar** : so no costume is what youre saying

**captaincold** : dont have to impress anyone with my costume do i

**spACEbar** : you dont even need a costume for that

**captaincold** : aw

**detectiveprettybi** : stop flirting we still need to know what iris and linda dress up as

**spACEbar** : iris is raven baxter lmao

**notcis-co** : iconic

**captaincold** : mick says linda is dressing up as some tinkerbell character bc her family makes her take out kids?

**bilance** : i still can’t believe how well mick and linda get along

**ronnieraymond** : ^

**captaincold** : its the shit talking

**pipes** : can relate

**bilance** : hartley you wouldnt know what shit talking is when someone does it to you

**notcis-co** : ^

**bilance** : cisco i love you but nope youre probably shit at it too

**notcis-co** : AT OUR NEXT MEETING WE’LL HAVE  A SHIT TALKING CONTEST

**detectiveprettybi** : the john adams rap does not count you dont need to learn it by heart

**pipes** : rude

**pipes** : can i do it as a rap anyway tho

**captaincold** : white people should NOT rap

**notcis-co** : true

**pipes** : im gonna roast yall in six languages

**detectiveprettybi** : six??? Languages??

**spACEbar** : WHO SPEAKS SIX LANGUAGES

**pipes** : why do people always act like that’s a lot

**notcis-co** : wait since when do you know six languages i only know about 5

**pipes** : english, latin, spanish, french, japanese, asl

**notcis-co** : cant believe you learnt japanese

**spACEbar** : i wanna know japanese too

**spACEbar** : i wish i had taken a language in high school

**bilance** : i want a showdown between hartley and cisco in spanish

**captaincold** : pipes what the shit cant you do

**pipes** : have my life together apparently

**ronnieraymond** : #itgetsbetter

**captaincold** : why do you always make the niveau of the conversation sink by 100%

**ronnieraymond** : why do you hate me so much

**bilance** : the way to his heart is bad puns smh and you are bad at them

**ronnieraymond** : y’all are rude come cisco we’re leaving

**notcis-co** : we’re actually leaving, he just wants a dramatic exit

**detectiveprettybi** : don’t we all

**spACEbar** : okay joe wants to leave too

**spACEbar** : bye guys!!!!! Take care!

**captaincold** : call me if anything’s up

**spACEbar** : <3

**detectiveprettybi** : ffs just stop being cute

**pipes** : we’re leaving too bye from the mansion crew

**captaincold** : time for drinks!

**detectiveprettybi** : are you gonna wail in self-pity

**captaincold** : i’ve never known such a thing as pity

**detectiveprettybi** : amazing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "yas did you only use bar as a self insert in this chapter" - "haha no because i wouldnt be surprised about someone knowing six languages!"


	36. Chapter 36

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> did you know: this fic's author is a fucking multishipper

**captaincold** : the person i got for secret santa is getting the best present of their life

**captaincold** : i just won 200 bucks and i decided to just go wild

**captaincold** : this porter is so fucking bad at poker how is this possible

**notcis-co** : don't you have to be in your room at night

**captaincold** : nah Not necessarily

**captaincold** : with the right reason it's okay if I'm in the lobby apparently

**notcis-co** : why are you in the lobby

**captaincold** : my dearest roommate is fucking and didnt allow me to watch

**captaincold** : and what has you awake at 3:21

**notcis-co** : omg for real??? get some @ Mick

**notcis-co** : honestly if I knew I dicked around on my laptop for hours doing NOTHING

**captaincold** : smh the youth and its internet addiction

**notcis-co** : destroying the mattress industry with our not going to bed

**captaincold** : then again I do recall the sex positivity being higher than even in the 60s or smth so

**captaincold** : the mattress industry is safe

**notcis-co** : true,

**notcis-co** : anyway I have class tomorrow and I doubt bar would be happy with either of us if I fell asleep during an experiment

**captaincold** : bar being angry is a scary thing

**notcis-co** : IKR

**notcis-co** : it's so surprising you think they can't even feel anything negative and suddenly

**captaincold** : exactly! I have never feared for my life more than in that moment

**notcis-co** : oh my god what did you DO

**captaincold** : that's a story for another time

**notcis-co** : >:(

**notcis-co** : but ok

**notcis-co** : if you win any more money just let it be known I can always use some

**captaincold** : noted

**captaincold** : screw mick Rolf the Porter is now my new best friend

**pipes** : WHOM DID MICK HAVE SEX WITH

**pipes** : I can't believe my own boyfriend would betray me like this and not ask this question

**detectiveprettybi** : eye emoji

**irisbest** : I'd ask snart but he's sleeping in bar’s bed

**detectiveprettybi** : what even

**irisbest** : stopped by as soon as he was allowed to leave the building bc apparently it still wasn't safe

**pipes** : wow

**pipes** : but whoo

**irisbest** : he didn't tell

**pipes** : wake him up

**detectiveprettybi** : DONT GET IRIS KILLED MAYBE

**bilance** : are you telling me snart is at your house while bar is in class

**irisbest** : yup

**irisbest** : the fams cool like that with him

**bilance** : lemme guess your dad's not there

**irisbest** : nah he's sitting across from me

**pipes** : but did he tell them why he’s not in his own bed?

**lesbianda** : I can't believe snart charmed Joe

**lesbianda** : I need to hear this from himself I'll be over in ten minutes with donuts

**detectiveprettybi** : Linda is so iconic

**bilance** : we didnt both have gfs i’d have proposed already i tell ya

**lesbianda** : aw

**irisbest** : wally asks for a cupcake

**detectiveprettybi** : doesnt he have school

**irisbest** : honestly i have no idea but dad’s not saying anything so i guess it’s cool

**bilance** : your dad’s really chill all of sudden

**bilance** : is this snart’s influence

**pipes** : probably

**heatwave** : y’all are nosy bastards

**bilance** : are you still surprised by that

**heatwave** : good point

**pipes** : miiiiiiiiiiiiiickkkkkkkkkk

**babybibibi** : can’t believe i came online in this exact moment thank @ god

**heatwave** : who even said you know him wtf

**detectiveprettybi** : i know hartmon is real but i bet hart is flipping out bc you slept with yet another guy who’s not him

**bilance** : he’s not screaming

**irisbest** : did you just give them a shipname

**detectiveprettybi** : hell yeah

**babybibibi** : we do know him mick dont we

**babybibibi** : otherwise you wouldnt have said those words

**captaincold** : ffs it’s been ray

**captaincold** : i hope you have some food for me too @ linda

**bilance** : ray as in ray palmer

**captaincold** : hell yeah

**detectiveprettybi** : oh my god

**detectiveprettybi** : wait till oliver reads that

**babybibibi** : where is he even

**pipes** : @ felicity’s lmao

**pipes** : im having beautiful images in my mind i cant believe mick slept with ray

**heatwave** : fuck you snart

**heatwave** : i’ve only heard and seen good of him so it’s whatever right

**captaincold** : since when do you need references for fucking someone

**bilance** : oh my god

**heatwave** : snart’s pissed because i threw him out

**captaincold** : i HAD TO PLAY POKER WITH OUR PORTER

**heatwave** : shouldve asked the detective if it would be okay for you to stay at his place for a night

**pipes** : pls i bet the only reason he’s allowed to even sleep in bar’s bed is bc they are in class

**captaincold** : pipes i trusted you

**captaincold** : but true probably

**bilance** : did you even get to see bar 

**captaincold** : no :(

**babybibibi** : rip

**babybibibi** : aynway mick did you have fun ;)

**heatwave** : fuck yea

**oliverqueer** : oh my god

**oliverqueer** : why

**pipes** : now you can bond over having fucked the same guy!

**oliverqueer** : literally WHO does that

**bilance** : well

**pipes** : hm

**babybibibi** : bro that’s like a given

**pipes** : right? 

**detectiveprettybi** : omg sara do you and your sister discuss how oliver is in bed

**bilance** : tommy joins too sometimes

**oliverqueer** : I FUCKING HATE YOU ALL

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i HOPE next chapter is the secret santa one but idk i didn't figure out all the presents yet (but those that i have are SO good you'll love me)


	37. Chapter 37

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> lisa is a genius. in contrast to eddie

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> still no christmas presents!!! i still didn't figure out all of them but i reached 50% of the nano word count so that's why this just won't happen (if i ever publish this story y'all are obligated to buy it, alright? cool)

**bilance** : omg lisa is a genius

**captaincold** : what did she do

**bilance** : spontaneously started teaching people how to ice skate

**bilance** : she's earning so much money

**babybibibi** : amazing

**heatwave** : Len taught her well

**babybibibi** : did he teach her to skate??? omg

**heatwave** : no I meant the whole exploiting ppl thing

**babybibibi** : makes sense

**lesbianda** : if shes still looking for a job, the arena could always use new teachers

**detectiveprettybi** : do you have a ladies’ outing

**bilance** : oh no hartley and tommy are here too

**bilance** : we were on our Give Hartley Clothes mission

**babybibibi** : so that’s why cisco became so flushed at his phone

**irisbest** : please tell me you took pictures

**bilance** : [image attached]

**bilance** : [image attached]

**bilance** : [image attached]

**babybibibi** : can’t believe hartley is actually capable of looking hot

**captaincold** : damn

**detectiveprettybi** : i want to bless whoever decided scrawny boys shall wear tank tops,,,

**bilance** : this particular choice was tommy’s

**irisbest** : omg does tommy wear tank tops

**oliverqueer** : you bet

**spACEbar** : oh god why did eddie just throw his phone across the room

**heatwave** : scroll up

**spACEbar** : oh

**spACEbar** : wow you did good

**bilance** : i’ll pass that along

**bilance** : lmao hartley is just resisting lisa’s attempts of showing him to skate so he keeps falling on his ass it’s glorious

**bilance** : and what are you doing on this fine saturday

**captaincold** : i’m throwing shit at nate’s head

**oliverqueer** : verbal shit or

**heatwave** : pages from a magazine

**captaincold** : he babbles more than raymond! Who’d have thought this to be possible!

**bilance** : wow mood

**babybibibi** : sco, cait and i are christmas shopping

**detectiveprettybi** : i thought we said not to tell the others whom we got

**babybibibi** : imagine that we all know people outside of this chat as well

**babybibibi** : though i know whom sco got because the guy can’t keep a secret to save his life

**oliverqueer** : dammit cisco

**spACEbar** : eddie and i are waiting for iris to finally show up

**irisbest** : give me ten minutes!!! You can prepare the hot dogs already or something

**lesbianda** : what are you doing

**spACEbar** : eddie has never watched an ep of stargate 

**captaincold** : how did he live without having sam carter as his role model

**spACEbar** : that’s why youre my favourite

**captaincold** : and i thought it was my incredible tongue

**babybibibi** : excuse you what about daniel jackson, the man the legend

**babybibibi** : guy speaks like 30 languages and just won’t die

**lesbianda** : is he hartley

**heatwave** : did anyone try to kill pipes

**oliverqueer** : it wouldnt surprise me

**captaincold** : give the kid a break

**babybibibi** : youre his bodyguard after all??

**captaincold** : nah it just gives me an opportunity to fight oliver

**lesbianda** : fair

**oliverqueer** : i dont deserve this im a nice guy

**lesbianda** : speaking of!!!! You got bruce wayne’s support???

**oliverqueer** : yeah! 

**oliverqueer** : i mean otherwise i’d have punched him in the throat on new years so

**captaincold** : are you telling me youre friends with THE bruce wayne

**oliverqueer** : rich people swag

**lesbianda** : does that mean youre gonna beat up lex luthor tho

**heatwave** : oh boy i read about that

**heatwave** : what a fucker

**oliverqueer** : i havent talked to him since we were kids 

**oliverqueer** : maybe he’s mad at me for stealing his fave toy back then

**lesbianda** : so he refuses to let you shine and creates his own support system just to claim that “the more the merrier”?

**captaincold** : i mean. Have you seen the shit he was in the news with? At all? 

**captaincold** : his political campaign is just “im rich bow down motherfuckers” and doing shit when its convenient

**heatwave** : what Len’s saying is if we knew a sniper hed know whom to pay him for

**captaincold** : do you think mark is still in juvie

**heatwave** : he might be already in normal prison

**captaincold** : damn

**babybibibi** : arent you two in the same room

**babybibibi** : cant you scheme out loud where nobody would have proof that they could pin on us

**heatwave** : youre right

**lesbianda** : i love those guys

**irisbest** : OH MY GOD

**irisbest** : OH MY FUCKING GOd.

**irisbest** : IM GOING TO TELL MY DAD THE CCPD SHOULD UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES HIRE EITHER BAR NOR EDDIE

**oliverqueer** : what happened

**irisbest** : you’d think they know fucking physics

**irisbest** : especially bar

**irisbest** : but no

**spACEbar** : STOP THIS I DIDNT KNOW WHAT HE DID

**irisbest** : IT DOESNT MAKE THIS BETTER

**lesbianda** : WHAT HAPPENED

**spACEbar** : we were going to warm up water for sausages right

**spACEbar** : and i told eddie he could just put it in the microwave bc its faster and they dont need to boil anyways

**spACEbar** : and he put the whole pot in the microwave

**babybibibi** : the POT? Like an actual metal pot???

**irisbest** : yes

**irisbest** : and bar didnt realize it was wrong until i came in and heard the crackling sound

**spACEbar** : I DIDNT KNOW HE PUT THE /POT/ IN THERE

**irisbest** : now the whole apartment smells and the microwave might be dead im scared to test it

**oliverqueer** : please tell me youre in eddie’S apartment at least

**spACEbar** : yeah

**oliverqueer** : serves him right

**bilance** : and that’s someone who’s supposed to save our lives soon

**detectiveprettybi** : listen im fucking sleep deprived and yall are annoying

**detectiveprettybi** : i didnt think

**babybibibi** : are you sure you didnt just. Not know

**lesbianda** : its okay eddie theres plenty of pretty boys who suck at life in general

**heatwave** : no fire?

**spACEbar** : no

**heatwave** : lame

**detectiveprettybi** : why is mick’s reaction my favourite

**lesbianda** : bc you have a huge boner for mick

**detectiveprettybi** : i mean

**detectiveprettybi** : that’s a given

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> is eddie's mishap based on a real event????? .............. i guess you just don't know............. because which person would even do such a thing................ especially when they're a student......... phew, wish i knew!
> 
> also, I posted a new chapter over at the interludes last week! You might want to take a look at it!


	38. Chapter 38

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> IT IS SECRET SANTA TIME

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> not pictured:   
> every day someone is like "hey oliver so when are we gonna meet up" and he's like "hell sorry im busy with hannukah stuff ask me later" and suddenly it's the 21st of december and hes just "HEY WHAT ABOUT WE MEET UP TODAY BC SOME OF US LEAVE SOON" and they're all a mess but they can also be spontaneous so yeah

**bilance** : I think we can agree snart really did give the best present 

**detectiveprettybi** : honestly. iconic

**spACEbar** : he doesn't disappoint

**detectiveprettybi** : ;)

**oliverqueer** : who even thinks about gifting a VIBRATOR

**detectiveprettybi** : take a look at this chat and tell me you're really surprised

**oliverqueer** : okay fair

**heatwave** : I'm betting 50$ that they're testing it rn

**bilance** : I think that's the only logical action rn

**bilance** : and Hartley DID insist on going to Cisco's even though the quiver is closer

**spACEbar** : I'm amazed that Hartley seems to be the only one who does NOT have sex in the quiver 

**oliverqueer** : honestly same

**captaincold** : I hope he treats it well almost all the money i won from Rolf went into it

**spACEbar** : so selfless 

**captaincold** : listen we got the guy all the essentials except for the one thing that matters most to him

**oliverqueer** : right I forgot sex toys are more important than a roof above his head

**captaincold** : shrug emoji

**irisbest** : how did Tommy like his present I didn't see his reaction bc everyone was so excited about Hartley's 

**heatwave** : snarts a show stealer

**bilance** : he pretends like he hates it but I think he'll put the calendar up for the laughs

**detectiveprettybi** : i hope he'll like February we did a special shoot for his birth month

**irisbest** : ;)

**spACEbar** : I'd actually would have expected him to react differently to sexy pics of Eddie

**captaincold** : I fear we actually have truly lost him to the straights

**heatwave** : a sad day

**babybibibi** : on a related note i have a question

**babybibibi** : that fire he got you does that even radiate heat

**captaincold** : did you seriously wonder about that the whole time

**heatwave** : hell yeah it does it's awesome

**babybibibi** : how

**heatwave** : no idea 

**oliverqueer** : you should ask ray I'm like 100% sure he's the mastermind behind that

**heatwave** : yeah well I figured it wasn't the rich guy

**oliverqueer** : ???? Ray is also rich?????

**heatwave** : oh right

**captaincold** : lmao he literally forgot about it bc he's never slept with a rich GUY

**bilance** : but women?

**captaincold** : ofc

**bilance** : the dream

**detectiveprettybi** : ^

**captaincold** : hey does it count as a sugar daddy when he's younger than you

**babybibibi** : sugar son

**heatwave** : hey pretty boy xe’s addressing you

**detectiveprettybi** : fuck you

**detectiveprettybi** : one of these days someone is actually gonna believe I have an incest link

**bilance** : YOU DONT?????

**detectiveprettybi** : don't make me pull an Oliver and say I hate y'all 

**captaincold** : we'd cry ourselves to sleep

**snowflake** : I for one am impressed we even managed to meet up on such notice

**irisbest** : please were so chaotic that it works out again

**spACEbar** : I'd only trust this gc to manage to just drop EVERYTHING to be in place within an hour

**lesbianda** : I have now arrived at home thanks for the worries

**bilance** : I told you  you could stay with us

**lesbianda** : and then I'd have had to show up to uni without ANYTHING

**babybibibi** : you're a bad reporter if you don't carry your laptop with you at all times

**lesbianda** : I will literally fight you what the fuck

**captaincold** : oh yes pls

**babybibibi** : snart literally what have I ever done to you in my whole life

**spACEbar** : your puns are literally so bad they're not funny any more

**spACEbar** : he takes that even more seriously than Cisco

**snowflake** : it seems almost impossible

**heatwave** : snart would literally change his whole life schedule if it meant he could pull off a bad joke

**heatwave** : I'm talking from experience

**oliverqueer** : snart I'll give you my last name if you change the first one to 'drama’

**spACEbar** : I will not date a guy who's called drama queen

**captaincold** : sorry oliver no can do

**bilance** : aw

**lesbianda** : stop being cute what the fuck

**spACEbar** : ok I have a date with some comics anyways

**captaincold** : :(

**spACEbar** : gotta value what I got from Cisco

**spACEbar** : <3

**heatwave** : god how sappy

**snowflake** : they're worse than us

**detectiveprettybi** : worse than hartmon

**bilance** : young love :’)

**captaincold** : all of you need to shut the fuck up

**heatwave** : he blushed and went to hide in the bathroom

**babybibibi** : I love that we can all spy on each other

**lesbianda** : @ Eddie @ Cisco Team Living In Privacy

**detectiveprettybi** : hell yes

**irisbest** : can I just say how much I look forward to the holidays 

**snowflake** : same

**bilance** : oh god I'd literally explode if I had your work load Caitlin

**babybibibi** : my gf is awesome af

**lesbianda** : can relate

**oliverqueer** : same

**bilance** : hard same

**captaincold** : women are great

**heatwave** : women are hot

**lesbianda** : I think even the gay sweethearts would agree with that

**irisbest** : the hashtag feminism is strong in this chat

**snowflake** : anyway what I meant to say is LAST DAY TOMORROW THANK GOD

**detectiveprettybi** : I need to pack tomorrow :/

**bilance** : same

**oliverqueer** : likewise

**lesbianda** : same

**babybibibi** : we're only leaving town for new years thank god

**irisbest** : staying at home swag

**heatwave** : hell yeah

**detectiveprettybi** : anyways im checking out text yall tomorrow

**snowflake** : same

**lesbianda** : sleep well!

**notcis-co** : hey snart thanks for Hartley's present

**captaincold** : you're very welcome

**captaincold** : ;)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sooo my nano project hit 50k and even though it's nowhere near finished i took a break from it and wrote this (plus two christmas interludes but I think I'm actually write even more so we can have christmas fluff for all of them, aw)


	39. Chapter 39

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> IT'S OFFICIALLY CHRISTMAS SO HERE'S A CHRISTMAS CHAPTER

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> my life is falling apart but at least our kids have a good time

**irisbest:** merry chrsm!

**irisbest** : [image attached]

**notcis-co** : merry crisis!

**detectiveprettybi** : merry chrysler

**detectiveprettybi** : HOLY FUCK UP

**detectiveprettybi** : IS THAT YOUR DAD AND MICK CHILLING

**irisbest** : yes he insisted our smooth criminals come over today

**notcis-co** : i mean. It is only christmas eve but this seems so

**notcis-co** : committing

**irisbest** : he’s lecturing mick and lisa’s sitting on the floor giggling

**irisbest** : here she is!

**irisbest** : [image attached]

**detectiveprettybi** : hi lisa!

**notcis-co** : hi lisa!

**pipes** : where’s snart tho

**irisbest** : [image attached]

**irisbest** : they're being nerds over Wally's science project

**notcis-co** : incredible

**pipes** : nerds!!!!!

**detectiveprettybi** : keep your dick in your pants Hartley

**pipes** : who says it's ever been in them

**irisbest** : so you're home again already?

**notcis-co** : it's past 10 what do you think how long we can deal with my parents

**detectiveprettybi** : how did it go

**pipes** : Cisco made me leave shriek at home but it was okay I guess 

**notcis-co** : my mum was positively surprised when she learnt Hart can sing

**irisbest** : aw

**irisbest** : ah shit dad wants me to break out the eggnog

**pipes** : lmao have fun

**detectiveprettybi** : their evening is either gonna become a disaster or its gonna be very wholesome

**oliverqueer** : they have both snarts and mick there i think its gonna be a disaster

**notcis-co** : okay true

**oliverqueer** : i would very much appreciate if oliver spent his evening without his phone so don’t expect him to answer

**detectiveprettybi** : damn tommy you seem like a jealous bf

**notcis-co** : how do you know it was tommy

**detectiveprettybi** : hope

**pipes** : and people say *i* am thirsty

**notcis-co** : babe when i asked what we should watch today you immediately went “nothing, let’s have sex”

**pipes** : well

**pipes** : AAAANYYYWAY where are the others

**detectiveprettybi** : youre almost as smooth as bar

**pipes** : shut up

**notcis-co** : im guessing linda is having fun w her gf, sara is god knows where and ronnie and cait are spending the evening together so

**detectiveprettybi** : wait a second

**detectiveprettybi** : are you guys actually just postponing your sex just to stalk others

**notcis-co** : damn youre right thats weird

**pipes** : :D

**pipes** : bye eddie

**notcis-co** : we’re actually gonna watch pacific rim but don’t tell him

**detectiveprettybi** : got it have fun

**detectiveprettybi** : damn now im alone  i played myself

**detectiveprettybi** : gonna do that literally now see you later

**captaincold** : thats a pleasant img thank u for that

**irisbest** : it really is

**captaincold** : eye emoji

**captaincold** : damn 1st ur dad gets my sister drunk n now ure gving me blue balls

**spACEbar** : go to sleep len

**captaincold** : baaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrr

**lesbianda** : damn grandma esther even gets snart tipsy?

**irisbest** : dad insisted they sleep in the living room rather than go home bc even mick’s not sober any more

**lesbianda** : shiiiiiiiit

**spACEbar** : bless esther

**captaincold** : hey bar on a scale frm 1 to 10 how dead wld i be if i ask u to meet me in the kitchn

**irisbest** : very

**captaincold** : damn

**spACEbar** : rip

**spACEbar** : hey linda how was your evening

**lesbianda** : great

**lesbianda** : in case you didnt know i love my gf

**irisbest** : aw

**spACEbar** : sweet

**spACEbar** : anyway good night 

**captaincold** : BAR

**irisbest** : alcohol makes them sleepy you wont get anything out of this snart

**lesbianda** : Give It Up

**captaincold** : :/

**babybibibi** : me reacting to caitlin being cute about christmas

**babybibibi** : [image attached]

**lesbianda** : are those actual tears in your eyes aw

**irisbest** : wholesome

**babybibibi** : no its the light reflecting

**lesbianda** : sure

**babybibibi** : i mean its not the only thing

**irisbest** : ???

**lesbianda** : what

**babybibibi** : …

**captaincold** : listn of u two y did u have th task to draw atttion onto the ring ur so fuckig bad at this

**lesbianda** : WAIT

**irisbest** : A RING? 

**lesbianda** : DOES THIS MEAN WHAT I THINK IT MEANS

**babybibibi** : we’d actually hoped more people would be online for this

**lesbianda** : ARE YOU GETTING MARRIED

**captaincold** : congrats

**babybibibi** : OKAY YES WE ARE

**irisbest** : OH MY GOD

**irisbest** : IM SO HAPPY FOR YOU

**lesbianda** : !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

**captaincold** : pay up @ sara

**babybibibi** : wait what

**captaincold** : we bet whher u guys get enaged 1st or oliver and his gf

**captaincold** : sara puts to mch hope in her ex

**lesbianda** : incredible

**irisbest** : cant believe we have an engaGED COUPLE in this chat now

**babybibibi** : yeah were gonna celebrate now just wanted to tell you guys

**irisbest** : HAVE FUN

**lesbianda** : love is real

**irisbest** : great now im too giddy to go to bed hey snart im gonna meet you in the kitchen

**captaincold** : NO THANKS

**captaincold** : i had my reasons to ask bar

**irisbest** : were all aware of your ulterior motives but im definitely gonna eat some ice cream now

**captaincold** : …. ok

**lesbianda** : treat yourselves

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> keep an eye on the interludes i don't know when i'll post them but y'all are getting a lot of shit that's set during this chapter


	40. Chapter 40

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> christmas morning may involve death

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh boy, I left y'all hanging for a whole month! In my defense, I wrote lots of stuff (both creative - you can find them in my works! :) - and for the newspaper), so I can use that as an excuse.
> 
> Also!   
> You should take a look at the edits tumblr user ughalz did for this fic. Find them [here](http://ughalz.tumblr.com/post/168571749671/instagram-accounts-inspired-by-the-arrowverse-au) and [here](http://ughalz.tumblr.com/post/168572196511/instagram-accounts-inspired-by-the-arrowverse-au)! They're so awesome, better than anything I could even come up with and so rich in detail, I am still screaming just thinking about them.

**detectiveprettybi** : HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY FAVOURITE FELLOW BI

**lesbianda** : if I were Ronnie I'd be so offended

**irisbest** : xe was mean to bar let Eddie roast xem

**irisbest** : also happy birthday sara!!!!

**oliverqueer** : wait when was xe mean to bar

**irisbest** : kept saying that Mick is everyone's fav ace person here which is just plain wrong

**detectiveprettybi** : Mick is someone you'd like to beat up in a parking lot but don't dare to

**detectiveprettybi** : whereas bar is a sunshine whom you just love 

**notcis-co** : that was so gay wtf 

**notcis-co** : also true

**oliverqueer** : it'll take a while until sara comes online I guess

**oliverqueer** : she must have been up for quite a while

**lesbianda** : eye emoji

**oliverqueer** : Nyssa arrived last night

**irisbest** : ohhhh

**lesbianda** : hot

**detectiveprettybi** : aw

**irisbest** : bar and Snart are also still in bed

**notcis-co** : wait what

**lesbianda** : didn't joe tell snart to stay downstairs oh boy he’ll die

**irisbest** : dad fucking sent him upstairs so he'd at least get an hour of sleep

**irisbest** : he'd stayed up the whole night bc Mick hogged the couch

**detectiveprettybi** : rip

**notcis-co** : you should snap a pic of them so snart knows what it feels like

**lesbianda** : lmao are you still mad about that

**notcis-co** : WE WERENT EVEN TOGETHER ON THANKSGIVING

**detectiveprettybi** : did we ever even discover whether you'd been COMPLETELY innocent 

**notcis-co** : we'd made out but that was it

**lesbianda** : sweet Oliver owes me 20 bucks

**detectiveprettybi** : he'd have given them to you anyways if you'd asked

**lesbianda** : shhhh

**notcis-co** : trust wells to send an email on fucking Christmas 

**oliverqueer** : who CHECKS their email on Christmas 

**detectiveprettybi** : responsible people

**detectiveprettybi** : you should try it some time

**oliverqueer** : fuck u

**lesbianda** : also people who are out there for the post Christmas sales

**lesbianda** : not that you'd know about them

**oliverqueer** : im getting bullied for being rich i cant believe

**irisbest** : get used to it

**irisbest** : did wells give you new homework cisco

**pipes** : nah he gave me info about an appointment at mercury

**lesbianda** : look at our homeless deaf depressed horny gay kid all grown up

**lesbianda** : he has a job interview! We did so well

**oliverqueer** : when is it?

**pipes** : on the 3rd so if they take me i can probably start in the middle of january

**irisbest** : nice!

**detectiveprettybi** : i should probably send out applications soon too lmao

**notcis-co** : adulting is scary

**spACEbar** : it is

**detectiveprettybi** : they live!

**spACEbar** : lived for a while but someone was cuddly

**lesbianda** : shiiiiiiiiiiiit

**pipes** : im so sad that iris didn’t sneak in for a pic

**spACEbar** : [image attached]

**irisbest** : he’ll kill you

**pipes** : oh my god

**notcis-co** : im amazed that the only difference to his usual appearance is that his eyes are smaller

**oliverqueer** : damn even i don’t look this good after waking up

**detectiveprettybi** : this is amazing

**detectiveprettybi** : bar i will miss your presence in my life

**heatwave** : what did yall DO

**lesbianda** : scroll up

**heatwave** : damn kid got balls

**pipes** : don’t tell me snart started yellin at bar and woke you up

**irisbest** : he did he sounds like a vine

**irisbest** : whAT THE FUCK IS UP BAR STEP THE FUCK UP

**notcis-co** : HOW IS HE SUCH A MEME

**heatwave** : there’s a hundred reasons yall could come up with and all of them are true

**lesbianda** : incredible

**irisbest** : ooooooh my dad is going upstairs

**oliverqueer** : rip leonard snart 1989-2017

**detectiveprettybi** : also rip bar allen 1997-2017

**notcis-co** : why are you so determined to mourn bar’s death

**detectiveprettybi** : stuff happens, people die and i’ll miss them

**lesbianda** : awwww

**heatwave** : they’re both alive 

**heatwave** : avoiding the detective’s eye tho lmao

**pipes** : damn guys

**irisbest** : mick wake lisa up and get yourself into the kitchen i heard you make some nice scrambled eggs

**oliverqueer** : this is so domestic wtf

**detectiveprettybi** : speaking of i should probably pretend to be a good son and say hello to the parents

**pipes** : i wish we could meet mr and mrs pretty bi i’d like to know what genes caused a babe like eddie

**lesbianda** : just stalk him on fb????

**pipes** : you’re a genius

**notcis-co** : linda you need to print this out and frame it 

**notcis-co** : everyone take out your calendars and write this down

**notcis-co** : the great hartley ratahkmeld,smsmee

**detectiveprettybi** : rip francisco ramon 1997-2017

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll try my best to update more frequently, but I also still have a paper, some commissions and articles to writer so who knwos if it even works. I hope you enjoyed this, though!


	41. Chapter 41

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> christmas is over, nye is approaching

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> finally an update!
> 
> it's come to my attnetion that apparently?? in america??? the semester's over with the christmas break? I, a german potato didn't know this, so it's gonna end the same day as my semester does (end of january)  
> the plan is: this fic will end with the end of the semester BUT there'll be a next part starting with the break because boy I feel like our kids are gonna be up for some wild rides (literally). I'll link that one anyways then and we all can procceed as we were. updates will still be pretty randomly though, sorry!

**snowflake** : Mick meet me at the gym and bring your boxing gear

**irisbest** : what even

**heatwave** : be there in 15mins

**snowflake** : good

**irisbest** : idk what shocks me more comments wanting to box or Mick just doing what she orders

**irisbest** : okay no the real mystery is how my autocorrect made comments out of caitlin

**heatwave** : I'm bored

**heatwave** : Snart is with bar visiting Henry and Lisa is building bombs for pipes room

**detectiveprettybi** : she is WHAT

**heatwave** : I'm pretty sure it's just balloons filled with paint

**babybibibi** : oh I hope she chose green green is a good colour for Hart

**babybibibi** : anyway Cait is pissed 

**babybibibi** : we visited her mom last night and it's never pretty

**detectiveprettybi** : yikes

**heatwave** : ohhhh aggression caused by parents is my fave

**irisbest** : cue your friendship with Snart

**heatwave** : exactly 

**notcis-co** : I love Lisa

**detectiveprettybi** : don't say that too loudly 

**bilance** : betraying your boyfriend in two ways smh

**babybibibi** : speaking of where is he I wanted to tell him something 

**irisbest** : sometimes I wonder if we all forgot that phones can do phonecalls

**bilance** : or that private messaging exists?

**detectiveprettybi** : at least none of the couple's here have sexted in the gc

**notcis-co** : he's showering 

**notcis-co** : probably drowning his mood swings

**irisbest** : agenda for 2018: get professional help for hartley

**notcis-co** : he just goes from being sad bc first christmas without his parents to “fuck those assholes” and back again

**detectiveprettybi** : ah

**detectiveprettybi** : understandable

**babybibibi** : BY THE WAY

**babybibibi** : carla says that if mercury doesnt work out hartley should hit up tannhauser

**irisbest** : i love how hartley stole ronnie’s bf and it didn’t hurt their friendship at all

**bilance** : …………… don’t tell me caitlin’s mother is fucking carla tannhauser

**babybibibi** : well

**bilance** : incredible

**notcis-co** : will tell him

**notcis-co** : though idk if he’d like commuting to opal so often

**irisbest** : it’s a backup plan anyways

**detectiveprettybi** : i actually put opal as one of my backup plans wtf

**detectiveprettybi** : we could be roommates if we both end up there lmao

**bilance** : what other requests did you put @ eddie

**babybibibi** : ohhhh right you’ll be a proper cop soon!!!

**detectiveprettybi** : central’s my first choice, then star, opal, national, blüdhaven and also metropolis for good measure

**irisbest** : i love how the last two are so close to gotham and yet

**detectiveprettybi** : listen if there’s one thing that’ll make me hate my job it’d be working in gotham

**bilance** : real gotham is a shithole

**bilance** : i’ll chat up bruce wayne on sunday and go “yo wtf is wrong with your city”

**babybibibi** : OH RIGHT BRUCE WAYNE IS AT THE QUEEN’S ON SUNDAY

**bilance** : along with other less hot public figures, yes

**bilance** : i love when moira throws parties

**irisbest** : ohhhh can i make an appearance as well

**irisbest** : for… research

**detectiveprettybi** : for science!

**bilance** : sadly it requests invitations

**notcis-co** : why do i get the feeling you don’t even have one

**bilance** : you’re absolutely right but i have a plan

**bilance** : it’ll take a little too long to fix thea’s hair and then the party’s already started when i try to leave etc etc

**irisbest** : good plan

**pipes** : i wouldve said hey ronnie tell caitlin’s mum my thanks but if i do happen to apply there i might see her before you

**pipes** : also damn i want to have a chat with bruce wayne too

**babybibibi** : actually really likely

**detectiveprettybi** : how did you even speak to her about hart

**babybibibi** : she asked if cisco’s already looking for a job for after graduation and i was like no but his bf is

**irisbest** : wait did she know you used to date both cisco and cait

**babybibibi** : yeah but honestly she doesn’t care about relationships of any kind so yeah

**bilance** : pfff

**detectiveprettybi** : in the (probable) words of one mick rory: relatable

**irisbest** : does sound like him

**detectiveprettybi** : anyway where is oliver i need to speak to him about this party

**pipes** : i thought you had to pretend to be a good son

**detectiveprettybi** : im sitting in the living room with my parents i think that counts as being good

**detectiveprettybi** : i’d even taken them out for breakfast this morning

**irisbest** : you fucking prime example

**bilance** : either oliver is out with felicity or chilling with thea and tommy

**detectiveprettybi** : sibling time!

**pipes** : one day oliver will puncture YOU with an arrow

**detectiveprettybi** : oliver can puncture me any time

**pipes** : wow

**bilance** : wow

**irisbest** : wow

**notcis-co** : wow

**babybibibi** : wow

**detectiveprettybi** : okay i just mentioned to my mum how im friends with oliver queen now i gotta answer questions 

**detectiveprettybi** : see you in 5 hours

**notcis-co** : karma

**babybibibi** : since my gf is currently occupied is anyone up for a movie

**pipes** : we don't have anything better to do anyways

**irisbest** : I'm in

**babybibibi** : nice meet y'all at jitters in ?? 30 minutes?

**irisbest** : sounds doable

**notcis-co** : LETS GO WATCH COCO

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm a busy bee (I GOT A JOB AT LAST) who doesn't have money so I couldn't see Coco yet. Don't spoiler Coco for me please.


	42. Chapter 42

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> it's new year's eve!!!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i've only been home for sleeping in the past weeks so i hope you'll excuse this very late nd lame update, i hope we'll get more frequent ones soon

**snowflake** : were leaving in a bit and Ronnies family is very anti phones so happy new year from us!

**detectiveprettybi** : what do you mean anti phones

**notcis-co** : I was there once and they confiscated my phone at the front door

**lesbianda** : wtf

**oliverqueer** : are they Mormons

**notcis-co** : could be not sure

**spACEbar** : I BELIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEVE

**spACEbar** : THAT GOD HAS A PLAN FOR ALL OF US

**detectiveprettybi** : what is happening

**spACEbar** : AND I BELIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEVE THAT PLAN INVOLVES ME GETTING MY OWN PLANET

**lesbianda** : …. Okay?

**spACEbar** : AND I BELIEVE THAT THE CURRENT PRESIDENT OF THE CHURCH THOMAS MONSON SPEAKS DIRECTLY TO GOD

**notcis-co** : who

**spACEbar** : I AM A MORMON

**spACEbar** : AND DANG IT

**spACEbar** : A MORMON JUST BELIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEVES

**irisbest** : god am I happy I'm not home

**pipes** : what was that

**spACEbar** : book of Mormon

**spACEbar** : it's this parody musical by the dudes who made south park

**pipes** : I'm

**pipes** : eye emoji

**spACEbar** : I'll lend you the soundtrack 

**bilance** : bar you're really decking all the nerd areas aren't you

**detectiveprettybi** : HONESTLY

**detectiveprettybi** : sci-fi, comics, weeaboo, musicals, science

**spACEbar** : don't forget the whole ace thing, heard that's a big characteristic of nerds

**notcis-co** : fuck big bang theory

**bilance** : someone is awfully sarcastic 

**pipes** : what is everyone doing for nye

**lesbianda** : pls capitalize it I thought we had to do something for Bill Nye the science guy

**notcis-co** : bill new years eve the science guy

**bilance** : well I'm going to a big rich people party

**oliverqueer** : I'm not even considering arguing you'll do it anyways

**bilance** : right on

**spACEbar** : I'm chilling with Mick and the Snarts

**bilance** : ohhhhhhh

**detectiveprettybi** : I'm gonna hook up with someone I decided 

**pipes** : nice

**notcis-co** : Hartley's been determined to shows me some emo live act before the year ends so that's what we're doing 

**oliverqueer** : Hartley,

**bilance** : god 

**lesbianda** : iris and I are going out!

**irisbest** : yes!

**irisbest** : I'm determined to find the hottest guy and make out with him 

**detectiveprettybi** : sadly I'm not there,

**spACEbar** : not narcissistic at all

**irisbest** : should get your ass here

**detectiveprettybi** : soon

**lesbianda** : what are the family of hell doing with you bar

**spACEbar** : no idea probably get drunk and play strip poker or smth

**pipes** : what a waste

**pipes** : no offense but like of all people to get naked in front of

**spACEbar** : none taken

**spACEbar** : I'm also glad you're confident in me making them lose

**notcis-co** : can't be worse than Rolf 

**oliverqueer** : true

**lesbianda** : leave Snart's best friend alone

**detectiveprettybi** : speaking of.

**detectiveprettybi** : where are mick and snart /now/

**lesbianda** : mick has business to take care of

**bilance** : rip @ whoever

**pipes** : what about snart? Bar?

**spACEbar** : huh no idea

**notcis-co** : what! You mean you don’t constantly text when you’re not around one another?

**irisbest** : no usually they talk on the phone

**bilance** : awwwwwwwww

**lesbianda** : gay

**oliverqueer** : unacceptable ur poor phone bills

**lesbianda** : says the rich guy

**oliverqueer** : fuck off i get to chill with bruce wayne today

**detectiveprettybi** : honestly when will you introduce me to one of your rich friends

**bilance** : he only has a few

**bilance** : bruce, ray, tommy ????

**bilance** : so you met most of them already

**oliverqueer** : i met maxwell lord once but like lex, he’s an ass

**notcis-co** : aw i love lord’s inventions tho

**lesbianda** : yeah well i like maggie stiefvater’s books too doesn’t mean i have to like /her/

**pipes** : tru

**detectiveprettybi** : i think oliver should have a gala just for his lgbt programme and invite its sponsors

**pipes** : eddie’s so thirsty

**detectiveprettybi** : says hard-gay gayagay

**pipes** : gotta get my name changed at last

**bilance** : thea just clled me over so i will see y’all in the new year i guess

**bilance** : take care!

**detectiveprettybi** : kiss bruce from me!

**irisbest** : from us all

**notcis-co** : ^

**pipes** : well yeah

**oliverqueer** : y’all are impossible

**spACEbar** : the agenda for 2018 is to become more impossible

**lesbianda** : i’m not sure i want to live to see that tbh


	43. Chapter 43

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _some_ people like to welcome 2018 the right way

**notcis-co** : good morning i feel like straightening my hair and putting on eyeliner

**lesbianda** : oh but that would look good

**notcis-co** : no it wouldnt

**notcis-co** : it didnt even look good in 2009

**oliverqueer** : you were 12 in 2009 nobody looks good with 12

**notcis-co** : did oliver queen just basically say im hot now

**notcis-co** : i win at life

**detectiveprettybi** : can we make Hartley wear eyeliner to live up to his emo self and also look hot af

**oliverqueer** : Eddie do you have any type at all or do you just take whatever

**detectiveprettybi** : do YOU have a type

**notcis-co** : translate: and is he somehow compatible to that type

**bilance** : oliver’s type went from ‘whatever’ to ‘adorkable nerd’

**lesbianda** : should be dating bar then

**detectiveprettybi** : yeah why arent you dating bar

**oliverqueer** : i value my life in contrast to snart

**bilance** : i gotta be real not the answer i expected

**oliverqueer** : also i already have a gf whom i love a lot

**bilance** : there it is

**lesbianda** : smitten oliver is always such a mood

**bilance** : speaking of moods i have something for eddie

**bilance** : [video attached]

 

**detectiveprettybi** changed their username to  **detectiveprettygay**

 

**lesbianda** : one day this joke will get old

**pipes** : jesus man eddie your name rolls off his lips perfectly

**detectiveprettygay** : other thigns could roll off his lips too

**notcis-co** : wow

**oliverqueer** : wow

**lesbianda** : wow

**pipes** : wow

**bilance** : wow

**irisbest** : wow

**irisbest** : that was so bad

**pipes** : i love iris’ impeccable timing

**irisbest** : here to please

**detectiveprettygay** : i got a personal message from bruce wayne let me live

**bilance** : even got a you a wink out of it

**detectiveprettygay** : finally new material for private sessions

**pipes** : mood

**oliverqueer** : change of topics 

**oliverqueer** : where are the others

**notcis-co** : last i heard was bar’s shoutout to the world at midnight

**lesbianda** : it was v cute

**detectiveprettygay** : summary of them rlly

**irisbest** : ^

**bilance** : does anyone have new years resolutions

**lesbianda** : participate in the feminism panel at this year’s NNA con

**irisbest** : ohhh are you going?

**lesbianda** : yes! I hope i catch a glimpse of lois lane

**lesbianda** : OR CAT GRANT

**pipes** : you know an enthusiastic linda park scares me

**bilance** : good you better be scared of her

**detectiveprettygay** : she fucking befriended mick rory you should be scared of her

**irisbest** : i once saw linda, a lesbian, flirt with captain singh, a very serious gay man, and get him to blush

**notcis-co** : holy shit

**pipes** : a legend

**spACEbar** : we started the year with a visit to the ER so 2018 is already off to a great start

**lesbianda** : i wish i could say i’m surprised

**irisbest** : WHAT HAPPENED ARE YOU OKAY

**spACEbar** : yes dw snart and mick just started a fist fight around midnight

**pipes** : it’s 11am did you spent 11 hours in the ER

**notcis-co** : why the hell

**spACEbar** : it’s fucked up lmao

**oliverqueer** : honestly what isnt in this chat

**detectiveprettygay** : ^

**spACEbar** : well my dearest bf was pissed at mick the whole time bc shit

**spACEbar** : but he exploded when mick kissed me at midnight

**lesbianda** : i have so many questions

**notcis-co** : WHY DID /MICK/ KISS YOU

**irisbest** : i. What

**spACEbar** : apparently they’re usually each other’s NYE kiss but obvsly i was there this year and snart felt obligated to kiss me

**bilance** : aw what a nerd

**spACEbar** : so lisa was like yeah sure ill kiss mick

**spACEbar** : and len just went LIKE HELL MICK IS NOT GONNA KISS MY BABY SISTER

**spACEbar** : so they kept fighting and at midnight mick just grabbed me it was actually pretty ridculous

**pipes** : snart really is such a drama queen

**detectiveprettygay** : and then?? They beat each other up?

**spACEbar** : pretty much

**spACEbar** : seemed to be a great stress relief tho now they’re tight as ever

**irisbest** : what else were they pissed about

**lesbianda** : snart demands to know everything that mick does, ever

**lesbianda** : would piss me off too

**oliverqueer** : well snart seems to be 80% of mick’s impulse control so i understand him

**spACEbar** : they’re each other’s impulse controls tbh 

**spACEbar** : but i think they talked enough shit at each othe rin the ER to be back to normal

**notcis-co** : yay!

**pipes** : is either of them really hurt

**spACEbar** : len’s got a light concussion and mick’s eyebrow had to get stitched

**irisbest** : jesus

**irisbest** : better not tell dad in detail about this evening

**spACEbar** : yeah

**bilance** : im so offended that we finally got our in-club fist fight and only bar was there to witness it

**pipes** : they really get it all

**notcis-co** : bar deserves all the best in the world let them

**detectiveprettygay** : can’t argue with that

**irisbest** : true

**oliverqueer** : you’re absolutely right

**spACEbar** : aw you guys

**lesbianda** : we’re so wholesome

**irisbest** : 2018 has us all dress up in pastel and wear flower crowns

**captaincold** : no


	44. Chapter 44

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> eddie's back in town, hartley's nervous (not that he'd admit) and mick has a secret to tell

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I finally finished a paper that's been bothering me for a fucking year, so to celebrate: a new chapter!

**detectiveprettygay** changed their username to  **detectiveprettybi**

 

**detectiveprettybi** : now that i’m back in central i am done living a lie

**irisbest** : you’re back!!! We should have a party

**pipes** : no

**pipes** : i have a job interview tomorrow i’m not gonna party

**bilance** : he’s even sleeping in the quiver tonight

**heatwave** : does sleeping with the small one leave visible marks

**babybibibi** : yes

**bilance** : pfpfpfpf

**bilance** : ronnie comes back from xyr mormon parents and first thing xe does is call out xyr ex, iconic

**babybibibi** : my parents aren’t mormons wtf

**irisbest** : we agreed that they are, catch up

**babybibibi** : give me a few minutes

**spACEbar** : hartley im positive you’ll rock your interview

**spACEbar** : when in doubt do the whole ‘pity me im a gay deaf homeless dude’ spiel

**pipes** : wtf i dONT WANT PITY

**irisbest** : your loss

**irisbest** : sometimes you gotta know when to play it up

**lesbianda** : ^

**captaincold** : it’ll be a cruel day when i take my past to my advantage

**heatwave** : snart: i don’t ever want to share anything about myself or my past

**heatwave** : snart: hints at his past at every possible moment

**captaincold** : shut the fuck up

**oliverqueer** : im glad we have the one person who can call out snart and live to tell the tale around

**oliverqueer** : otherwise we might forget he’s a human rather than a demon

**heatwave** : nope he’s a demon

**lesbianda** : snart IS a demon i tell you

**spACEbar** : here i thought i fulfilled my dream of dating a supernatural being

**spACEbar** : </3

**oliverqueer** : …

**oliverqueer** : each and every one of you is awful

**babybibibi** : oh my god we missed out on a FIST FIGHT

**babybibibi** : im so SAD

**lesbianda** : does anyone here NOT have a violence kink

**lesbianda** : i’m impressed there was actually 5 full minutes of silence responding to this

**heatwave** : aint no liars

**coldwave** : yeah we have principles

**detectiveprettygay** : you know the fact that it’s you guys saying that is kinda weird

**detectiveprettygay** : anyways i do feel like going out so anyone up for saints & sinners

**notcis-co** : yeah sure

**irisbest** : count me in!

**spACEbar** : nope not risking it

**captaincold** : bar if iris is going there the detective will already know

**oliverqueer** : you can do a whole tale on how you went to protect her

**spACEbar** : pls if anything he’ll believe if she watched me

**irisbest** : ^

**lesbianda** : very true

**captaincold** : yeah

**heatwave** : it’ll be fine the detective knows it’s a safe space lmao

**oliverqueer** : do they have a list of those in the precinct

**irisbest** : no

**detectiveprettybi** : i will put up one in my precinct and nobody will be able to stop me

**bilance** : legend

**pipes** : did mick and detective west have a convo about lgbt issues on christmas

**heatwave** : no on the 31st

**heatwave** : it was scheduled and all

**babybibibi** : eye emoji

**notcis-co** : are you serious

**lesbianda** : yes he is

**captaincold** : yup

**heatwave** : do i look like im joking

**captaincold** : he never jokes, not ever, never happened

**lesbianda** : [john green voice] has this ever happened before? It is the first time in the history of all in the world where--

**irisbest** : u just used and altered a 4 year old meme why are you like this

**lesbianda** : you knew from top of your head how old the tfios movie is why are YOU like this

**irisbest** : shut up the movie is good even bar cried

**notcis-co** : bar cries at everything that’s no proof

**spACEbar** : i’d be offended if this wasn’t true

**oliverqueer** : also the movie IS good

**irisbest** : i love you oliver jonas queen

**oliverqueer** : and i love you random citizen

**notcis-co** : did he just

**babybibibi** : yep he quoted a dreamworks movie

**notcis-co** : i gotta say that’s hot

**pipes** : STOP STEALING MY BF CAN WE GET BACK TO THE TOPIC AT HAND

**babybibibi** : i missed hart’s shouting

**bilance** : he shouts literally every day you just don’t see him often enough

**notcis-co** : sometimes he screams too

**lesbianda** : wow

**babybibibi** : filed under: things i didn’t need to know

**pipes** : anyway mick why do u talk to west about safe spaces

**heatwave** : not exactly

**heatwave** : i said i need to extend my curfew and he asked why so i told him about saints & sinners etc

**oliverqueer** : is anyone else confused

**detectiveprettybi** : for once in my life i am exactly as much in the dark as you are

**oliverqueer** : fuck you

**lesbianda** : jesus mick got a job as a bouncer there, the end

**irisbest** : i love how coldwave keep trying to be mysterious and we just dont let them

**notcis-co** : love dat shipname

**pipes** : i cant believe mick got a job before me

**babybibibi** : oh mick! I’m so happy for you!

**bilance** : sometimes i want caitlin to become my own motivational speaker

**babybibibi** : why are you all so good at spotting who’s talking

**detectiveprettybi** : dude

**detectiveprettybi** : it’s not that deep

**irisbest** : ok cool so are we getting drunk now

**captaincold** : miss west’s got her priorities straight

**notcis-co** : yes let’s!!!

**pipes** : you all go on without me while i sit in misery

**notcis-co** : get a good night’s sleep babe we all know you’ll get that job

**oliverqueer** : what cisco said

**babybibibi** : truth

**spACEbar** : good luck tomorrow hartley!


	45. Chapter 45

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> they were drinking, so obviously there's chaos

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm alive! And so are the kids!

**bilance** : hartley get your ass down here bar made breakfast bc they’re too good for this world

**pipes** : what the hell is bar doing at the quiver at 9 in the morning

**bilance** : well

**pipes** : is that tommy i hear shouting

**bilance** : haha yeah about that

**bilance** : everyone crashed here safe for snart and mick basically it’s fun

**pipes** : are you saying my boyfriend is here and did not sleep in my bed

**notcis-co** : I WASNT SURE I COULD MAKE IT UP THE STAIRS IM SORRY

**notcis-co** : now come downstairs i brought you one of those chocolate muffins

**pipes** : …. Fine

**captaincold** : why does nobody remember that private chats exist for lover’s quarrels

**irisbest** : who’s gonna tell tommy he can come out of his room again now that hartley’s gone

**detectiveprettybi** : no idea snart but if youre interested we’re all still here except hartley & oliver BUT dig even made his scrambled eggs

**heatwave** : YES

**irisbest** : we’re just staying here until hartley’s back so we can party

**spACEbar** : i feel like we never stop partying

**captaincold** : bar you don’t even drink

**spACEbar** : but i’m always there!

**detectiveprettybi** : bar’s literally dating a criminal but when it comes to underage drinking they cut the line

**irisbest** : can’t wait for their birthday

**notcis-co** : im exciting to see what kind of drunk they are

**spACEbar** : are you all really planning on getting me drunk on my birthday

**notcis-co** : yes

**detectiveprettybi** : yes

**irisbest** : yes

**captaincold** : yes

**spACEbar** : this is a conspiracy and my loved ones are th evil-doers

**captaincold** : the countdown starts today, you have 70 days left

**notcis-co** : please tell me you did not actually calculate it just now

**captaincold** : nah i checked on my phone

**detectiveprettybi** : will oliver ever come home

**lesbianda** : i thought hartley was the one who’s always horny

**detectiveprettybi** : i’m not horny for oliver!

**detectiveprettybi** : i just want to bully him

**spACEbar** : “not horny for oliver” is the greatest lie you have ever told

**detectiveprettybi** : what the fuck

**detectiveprettybi** : betrayed by bar allen

**detectiveprettybi** : listen i planned a whole FUTURE for us

**irisbest** : i…

**irisbest** : what

**detectiveprettybi** : we’ll meet up before work and catch up

**detectiveprettybi** : and then we’ll grab lunch together later, occasionally joined by others

**detectiveprettybi** : and the cases we’ll close together!

**detectiveprettybi** : but all this is ruined now

**detectiveprettybi** : STOP LAUGHING AT ME

**detectiveprettybi** : im documenting this injustice for hartley and oliver im sure theyll have my back

**detectiveprettybi** : snart and mick just arrived and told me to stay away from bar

**oliverqueer** : were you cuddling with them

**detectiveprettybi** : maybe

**oliverqueer** : how did nobody take your phone away yet

**detectiveprettybi** : they dont know im texting

**detectiveprettybi** : ninja skills

**oliverqueer** : eddie youre writing into a chat they are all in im sure someone will notice

**detectiveprettybi** : …. Hm

**detectiveprettybi** : phone acquired

**detectiveprettybi** : ollie when are you home i need someone sane near me

**oliverqueer** : we just left felicty’s apartment dw tommy

**lesbianda** : such a  bromance

**snowflake** : bromance - the ultimate “no homo”

**lesbianda** : ok u know what if i hadn’t seen you type this i’d have thought it was ronnie

**lesbianda** : finally you guys are becoming indistinguishable

**lesbianda** : is that a word?

**oliverqueer** : you tell us, you’re the reporter

**lesbianda** : it’s too early to think about this

**oliverqueer** : it’s half to two in the afternoon

**detectiveprettybi** : lina slept till like half an hour ago

**oliverqueer** : lina

**snowflake** : lina

**lesbianda** : LINA?

**detectiveprettybi** : IT WAS A TYPO EDDIE’S KEYSBORED IS ACTUALLY FUCKGIN AWFUL

**lesbianda** : aaaaaaaaaaand he put it away

**oliverqueer** : did he give it back to eddie?

**lesbianda** : nope!

**oliverqueer** : classic tommy

**oliverqueer** : i’m bringing donuts but don’t tell anyone

**snowflake** : you’re the best!

**oliverqueer** : finally

**pipes** : i am hereby putting ronnie in charge of celebratory music

**pipes** : u did not all put your phones actually away NOW

**pipes** : GUYS

**pipes** : ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME

**pipes** : I GOT A JOB AND Y’ALL ARE TOO BUSY TO CHECK YOUR PHONES

**pipes** : I SURE AS HELL HOPE YOU GOT YOUR RINGTONES ON STILL

**pipes** : ESPECIALLY CISCO

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [whispers] but hartley, gay people are known to not have their ringers on EVER
> 
> also if someone cares: the music ronnie would put on for hartley would be panic! at the disco's hallelujah. of course.


	46. Chapter 46

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ad so the finals begin....

**babybibibi** : u know of all the people in this chat i’d never have guessed hartley and mick would be the ones to first get a job

**detectiveprettybi** : ikr i would have thought caitlin or linda maybe

**oliverqueer** : is it really working if it’s not at least five days a week

**captaincold** : yes it fucking is you dickhead

**detectiveprettybi** : go oFF

**captaincold** : asshole probably never had a real job in his fucking life

**babybibibi** : snart are you okay

**captaincold** : peachy

**detectiveprettybi** : i feel like we should get either mick sara or bar to deal with this

**babybibibi** : why sara

**detectiveprettybi** : she’s scary and rn im scared of snart

**captaincold** : good

**oliverqueer** : actually im wounded

**captaincold** : GOOD

**babybibibi** : is this your version of talkative bc then i prefer the silent treatment

**heatwave** : it’s his version of procrastination, just ignore him

**captaincold** : shut the fuck up

**oliverqueer** : what exactly is he procrastinating

**heatwave** : he’s got a big essay do as a final on one of his classes

**heatwave** : obviously he’d forgotten about it until last night

**heatwave** : it’s due in three days and he doesn’t even have an idea yet

**babybibibi** : boy am i glad us science dudes don’t have to write essays

**captaincold** : well yeah gOOD FOR YOU YOU ASSHOLE

**detectiveprettybi** : i feel really weirded out by this 

**oliverqueer** : yeah you and me

**heatwave** : tell me about it i fled from the apartment

**babybibibi** : finals really bring out the worst in people

**detectiveprettybi** : im glad i only have one oral exam

**oliverqueer** : i bet you’d prefer something else oral

**detectiveprettybi** : OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH

**babybibi** : OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

**heatwave** : that was so fucking bad

**lesbianda** : trust mick to keep yall in check

**babybibibi** : LINDA!!!!

**babybibibi** : pls bullshit an essay topic for snart we’re bad at this stuff

**lesbianda** : which class?

**captaincold** : history of east asian art

**lesbianda** : flip through bar’s mangas and compare some panels to traditional art

**captaincold** : that’s

**captaincold** : a good idea

**oliverqueer** : did he really just admit someone else had a good idea

**oliverqueer** : finals are truly breaking snart

**captaincold** : shut the fuck up im not a sociopath

**heatwave** : you are a little bit

**detectiveprettybi** : arent we all

**lesbianda** : no we aren’t.

**lesbianda** : we definitely aren’t

**pipes** : sup losers guess who just boned for 10 hours

**lesbianda** : …

**lesbianda** : we’re just really really weird human beings who have no sense of privacy

**oliverqueer** : good for you!

**oliverqueer** : but how

**babybibibi** : cisco’s extremely horny the days leading up to his period

**pipes** : basically everything’s going my way at the moment

**detectiveprettybi** : amazing

**lesbianda** : i don’t even know what to say

**lesbianda** : hey mick are you still on the run lets meet for coffee

**heatwave** : sure thing

**babybibibi** : thats code for you guys are gonna discuss what kind of fuckboys we are today isn’t it

**heatwave** : yes

**oliverqueer** : you know who’s a fuckboy?

**bilance** : 2010!oliver?

**oliverqueer** : i feel attacked

**bilance** : good

**detectiveprettybi** : legend

**pipes** : okay but i wanna know who the present day fuckboy is

**oliverqueer** : nate

**babybibibi** : do we know nate

**bilance** : nate heywood, ray’s “””best friend””””

**detectiveprettybi** : why the quote marks

**oliverqueer** : we’re pretty sure they’re fucking

**pipes** : do queer fuckboys exist

**bilance** : yes in the form of nathaniel heywood

**babybibibi** : i thought he was dating mick’s best friend who is neither snart nor linda

**oliverqueer** : arrangements can be made

**bilance** : yeah you would know

**pipes** : anyway im gonna go buy ice cream for cisco wish me luck

**detectiveprettybi** : yes i heard this so called real life is a dangerous place, i wish you the best of luck

**pipes** : you know what i cant tell if youre being sarcastic or not so im gonna ignore you

**detectiveprettybi** : first of all, rude

**detectiveprettybi** : second of all, i can’t tell either

**spACEbar** : okay you know what

**spACEbar** : youd think i’d have reached the point where whenever something weird is going on my first act would be to check the chat

**spACEbar** : but no it still is to be very confused for five minutes

**oliverqueer** : what happened

**spACEbar** : i came home to find my boyfriend flip through my mangas like a possessed person

**spACEbar** : and when i addressed him he flipped me off

**babybibibi** : oh my GOd

**detectiveprettybi** : i am shocked and alarmed

**oliverqueer** : we did say this before but snart really isnt himself is he

**bilance** : bar sweetie im so sorry that bitch would do that to you what the fuck

**detectiveprettybi** : bar i hope you are aware that no person in their right mind would ever show you the finger,

**babybibibi** : you should break up with him

**spACEbar** : what is happening right now

**oliverqueer** : subtle love declarations

**bilance** : yeah i think its safe to say we’re all a bit in love with you

**bilance** : except for eddie, he’s VERY much in love with you

**detectiveprettybi** : it’s true

**detectiveprettybi** : if it wasn’t for snart…

**babybibibi** : that’s gay

**detectiveprettybi** : :^)

**spACEbar** : aw you guys

**spACEbar** : idek what to say

**spACEbar** : except sorry eddie im not gonna break up with my bf

**detectiveprettybi** : its okay i made my peace with that

**oliverqueer** : communication is queer culture

**bilance** : it actually is! straights never talk to one another and thats why theyre all unhappy

**babybibibi** : straight ppl are weird

**babybibibi** : even my straight gf is weird

**oliverqueer** : oh mood

**spACEbar** : im gonna try to make snart eat something 

**detectiveprettybi** : ill deliver a speech at your funeral

**spACEbar** : i wouldnt expect any less


	47. Chapter 47

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> eddie's life changes greatly

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm DCing so hard in this fic that the last day of the semester happens in the 52th chapter! Incredible.

**detectiveprettybi** : oh

**detectiveprettybi** : uh

**detectiveprettybi** : oliver?

**oliverqueer** : what's up

**detectiveprettybi** : I have a problem,,

**oliverqueer** : how much money do you need

**detectiveprettybi** : wtf no money

**detectiveprettybi** : I uhhhh need a place to sleep

**lesbianda** : you have a flat

**detectiveprettybi** : not for much longer

**oliverqueer** : … 

**oliverqueer** : what's happening

**detectiveprettybi** : my lease runs out at the end of the month

**detectiveprettybi** : and it wouldn't make sense to extend it bc I might have to move anyways

**oliverqueer** : hell you can totally crash in the quiver for a while

**oliverqueer** : only person you need to convince is Tommy probably

**detectiveprettybi** : ! :D that's easy I'll just use my charm

**lesbianda** : Eddie I think that might be the problem

**detectiveprettybi** : what do you mean

**notcis-co** : dude u pretty much strike him as the predatory gay type

**notcis-co** : very harmful when I think about it

**detectiveprettybi** : I'm not even fucking gay

**lesbianda** : still

**detectiveprettybi** : … I probably should apologize shouldn't I

**notcis-co** : yep

**oliverqueer** : honestly yes

**lesbianda** : duh

**irisbest** : aw eddie

**spACEbar** : GUESS WHO CAME OUT TO JOE LAST NIGHT

**notcis-co** : DUDE

**oliverqueer** : oh!

**oliverqueer** : how did he take it

**spACEbar** : well only as ace bc I chickened out at the prospect of having to explain genders first

**notcis-co** : understandable

**spACEbar** : he took it quite easily actually he was mostly surprised that /Snart/ is cool with it

**lesbianda** : well 

**snowflake** : did you plan to tell him?

**spACEbar** : not exactly?

**spACEbar** : i mean i did think about telling him a lot but yesterday it happened spontaneously when i asked if snart could stay over

**notcis-co** : so much happening here

**heatwave** : so that’s where he’s been i thought he was dead

**spACEbar** : you didnt even try callin ghim

**heatwave** : what is your point? Still couldve thought hes dead

**oliverqueer** : that friendship concernes me

**oliverqueer** : anyway so? Snart slept at your place? And joe was okay with it? Bc you said you guys wont have sex?

**spACEbar** : yeah and bc it was already pretty late, snart was tired af and i said we’d have to continue working in the morning anyways

**lesbianda** : and /are/ you working

**spACEbar** : … after breakfast

**lesbianda** : it’s noon

**spACEbar** : we slept in

**notcis-co** : you spent four hours cuddling didn’t you

**spACEbar** : dont judge

**snowflake** : I LOVE THAT RELATIONSHIP

**lesbianda** : us all

**heatwave** : tell snart to get his ass going so hell stop being a bitch

**irisbest** : u know usually id call you out on using that term but he WAS being a bitch

**oliverqueer** : if im allowed to change the topic?

**spACEbar** : please

**oliverqueer** : tommy and eddie are going out for a platonic apologetic coffee later

**notcis-co** : incredible

**heatwave** : does pretty bi even know what platonic means

**irisbest** : contrary to popular belief, he does

**oliverqueer** : it took a while to persuade tommy to actually read eddie’s texts but yay

**lesbianda** : so eddie and tommy are gonna become buds now? Nice

**notcis-co** : why do i feel like this will end in a mess

**irisbest** : bc it’s a member of this groupchat

**notcis-co** : true

**lesbianda** : oh my god

**lesbianda** : joe just texted me

**irisbest** : ?????????

**lesbianda** : apparently im the resourceful queer in his life and he’s asking for articles about asexuality

**lesbianda** : [image attached]

**snowflake** : aw that’s so sweet!

**notcis-co** : joe west the best father figure

**irisbest** : :^) 

**pipes** : im bored

**notcis-co** : youre at work

**pipes** : still bored

**notcis-co** : itS YOUR FIRST DAY

**pipes** : IM STILL BORED

**notcis-co** : BABE,

**pipes** : ITS HAAAARD

**notcis-co** : if you concentrate now something else will be hard tonight

**pipes** : oh

**pipes** : huh

**pipes** : okAY

**oliverqueer** : if prostitution is getting money for sex what is it called when you work and sex is the payment

**lesbianda** : a sexual relationship

**irisbest** : oooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhh

**notcis-co** : yeha but basically she’s right

**detectiveprettybi** : is this a bad moment to announce that i’m officially friends with tommy merlyn now

**detectiveprettybi** : facebook official even!

**lesbianda** : and snart is working on his essay! Miracles do happen!

**irisbest** : either that or he’s making out with bar

**oliverqueer** : eeeehhh i know where im placing my money

**bilance** : MY FAVOURITE BI IS MOVING IN WITH ME HELL YES

**detectiveprettybi** : HELL YEAH


	48. Chapter 48

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> names are a big thing today.

**heatwave** : who wants to know their name in mick’s phone!!!!

 **babybibibi** : the scary thing is idk who’s speaking

 **babybibibi** : like i assume it’s not snart but is it bar or linda or lisa

 **heatwave** : linda

 **heatwave** : the nicknames are kind of obvious but well

 **pipes** : i wanna know!!!

 **heatwave** : … pipes

 **pipes** : that’s really unspectacular

 **pipes** : whats cisco

 **heatwave** : tiny

 **oliverqueer** : lemme guess mine is ‘billionaire’

 **heatwave** : yeah

 **oliverqueer** : he sticks to the basics doesnt he

 **captaincold** : yeah mick’s not good with real names

 **heatwave** : snart’s “bastard”!

 **heatwave** : and lisa is “the good snart”

 **pipes** : inspiring

 **snowflake** : oh what am i!!!!!

 **heatwave** : doll

 **heatwave** : and ronnie is “bicon”

 **babybibibi** : HELL YEAH

 **captaincold** : his contact name for bar is based on the fact how easily they blush

 **heatwave** : ah and i was wondering why they’re called red

 **pipes** : i love mick

 **heatwave** : im just gonna list the others too

 **heatwave** : eddie is detective pretty boy

 **heatwave** : sara is captain

 **heatwave** : i’m “ACTUAL queen”

 **heatwave** : iris is miss west

 **oliverqueer** : should i feel attacked or not im not sure

 **captaincold** : you definitely should

 **heatwave** : ray is haircut, nate is pretty and amaya is hair

 **pipes** : …… basics

 **heatwave** : he has some more contacts but idk any of them

 **captaincold** : emergency contacts, dw about them

 **babybibibi** : how did you even get ahold of his phone

 **heatwave** : he's currently arm wrestling this guy who just wouldn't leave the barista alone

 **oliverqueer** : Mick Rory is an icon

 **babybibibi** : where are the others even why are we never all online at the same time

 **pipes** : bar and cisco wanted to watch that weird water monster movie

 **captaincold** : oh right Guillermo the Dude

 **heatwave** : what

 **captaincold** : the director. Guillermo del Toro. He made Pacific Rim

 **babybibibi** : ohhhh that's sco’s fav

 **babybibibi** : so I guess it's safe to say he'd like the water monster

 **pipes** : that reminds me I wanted to ask bar to go to the movies with me,,,

 **captaincold** : why does everyone watch movies with my datemate

 **pipes** : were musical buds now and the greatest showman is a thing that exists

 **captaincold** : they didn't even go see loving Vincent with me!

 **captaincold** : I feel betrayed

 **oliverqueer** : didn't it come out in the summer

 **oliverqueer** : you guys didn't even know each other

 **heatwave** : and even if it was still on when you did know each other you had a reputation to uphold

 **captaincold** : what do you mean I don't have one anymore??

 **snowflake** : well you do kind of have a soft side

 **babybibibi** : youre cuddly apparently and like art and sci-fi

 **snowflake** : either you've been soft all along or bar is a big influence

 **heatwave** : nah he's a big ol' softie

 **oliverqueer** : hey Mick I assume you won

 **heatwave** : ofc

 **bilance** : when did Oliver become the one to switch topics

 **bilance** : anyway is my favourite bi here

 **babybibibi** : yes

 **bilance** : oh darling

 **babybibibi** : ik u don't mean me :(

 **pipes** : youre my fav bi

 **snowflake** : awww

 **pipes** : Eddie had the opportunity to fuck me when we were both single and didn't take it

 **heatwave** : I didn't fuck you either

 **pipes** : yeah and I'm still mad about it

 **pipes** : Snart gave me a bj at least

 **bilance** : HE DID WHAT

 **oliverqueer** : what

 **babybibibi** : WE DIDNT KNOW THIS DID WE

 **captaincold** : damn pipes

 **pipes** : shrug emoji

 **heatwave** : he'd have fucked you if you hadn't been constantly cockblocked

 **pipes** : yeah I know

 **captaincold** : it's a sad tale really

 **pipes** : anyway I'm getting some almost every day now so its really y'all's loss

 **bilance** : look at that confidence

 **babybibibi** : what did you even want from Eddie

 **bilance** : ask if he needs a date for the graduation ball who is not related to one of his potential coworkers

 **bilance** : and neither public figure nor a criminal

 **bilance** : or a known lesbian

 **snowflake** : I see that you're narrowing it down but it still leaves Ronnie, Cisco and me too

 **bilance** : … and who's acquainted with the cop scene

 **snowflake** : there we go! It's you!

 **bilance** : yeah. It's me.

 **babybibibi** : you know what I just realized

 **bilance** : no I asked a question stop changing the topic

 **babybibibi** : eddIE ISNT HERE

 **pipes** : xe's got a point

 **bilance** : >:/

 **pipes** : what did you realize

 **babybibibi** : so many people in this chat have first names as both their first name and surname

 **babybibibi** : me, mick, bar, Cisco and Sara even has one for men too

 **captaincold** : bar even has a second name

 **oliverqueer** : I have a second name too!!

 **heatwave** : still no member of our club

 **bilance** : Cisco is Latino wouldn't that mean he has a thousand surnames

 **pipes** : he hasn't listed them anywhere tho

 **babybibibi** : he does have a second name however

 **heatwave** : Linda demands to know it

 **snowflake** : paco

 **captaincold** : he chose well

 **pipes** : ikr it's beautiful

 **bilance** : gay

 **pipes** : that me

 **oliverqueer** : love speaking right there

 **notcis-co** : I WOULD LIKE TO MARRY GUILLERMO DEL TORO

 **heatwave** : fuck I'm laughing

 **babybibibi** : way to ruin a moment

 **captaincold** : a sad day for you pipes

 **notcis-co** : THST MOVIE WAS FUCKING BEAUTIFUL

 **notcis-co** : I AM IN LOVE WITH LOVE

 **notcis-co** : also bar should from now on be known as watermonsterfucker69

 **captaincold** : I

 **pipes** : HAH

 **oliverqueer** : I am weirdly intrigued by that movie

 **spACEbar** : shut uP CISCO

 **bilance** : I have so many questions

 **spACEbar** : iris and Eddie don't know what's good and left after half of the film

 **bilance** : that answers one question

 **notcis-co** : Guillermo del Toro is a genius and i lov him

 **pipes** : I'm dating a fucking geek

 **babybibibi** : knew that before!

 **pipes** : true

 

 **notcis-co** changed their username to **guillermofucker69**

 

 **oliverqueer** : no

 

 **oliverqueer** changed **guillermofucker69** ’s username to **notcis-co**

 

 **notcis-co** : rude

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tag urself i'm the person who's only seen half of shape of water (though only bc my stream didn't have subtitles and well im neither fluent in asl nor russian) and my fiance is the guillermo/watermonsterfucker69


	49. Chapter 49

**irisbest** : I hate finals week

**lesbianda** : mood

**bilance** : boy I know

**detectiveprettybi** : I regret going to uni

**irisbest** : YOU ONLY HAVE ONE CLASS

**irisbest** : AND YOURE A FUCKING NERD ABOUT THAT SHIT

**irisbest** : AND YOU CAN PREPARE WITH BAR FOR YOUR ORAL EXAM

**babybibibi** : innuendooooo

**irisbest** : stfu

**oliverqueer** : I'm positive felicity thinks I'm an idiot bc I don't grasp the concept of math as well as she does

**captaincold** : I don't think THAT is the reason

**spACEbar** : Len be nice

**captaincold** : I'm stressed let me

**lesbianda** : I have to design an entire newspaper???? What the hell?

**irisbest** : I have to write about FREUD

**bilance** : yikes

**oliverqueer** : yikes

**detectiveprettybi** : yikes

**spACEbar** : yikes

**lesbianda** : yikes

**captaincold** : yikes

**bilance** : I have to write an exam about the ottoman empire

**captaincold** : I have to write a paper on William turner 

**captaincold** : do you know how often I encounter Orlando bloom 

**detectiveprettybi** : but he's hot

**captaincold** : yeah but heS NOT WHOM IM LOOKING FOR

**oliverqueer** : who is William turner if he's no pirate

**spACEbar** : a painter

**spACEbar** : I like his paintings of cathedrals 

**lesbianda** : I googled him his paintings are soft

**pipes** : finals week is my favourite part of the semester because I don't have any

**pipes** : finally having to hand in lab reports every week has its perks

**notcis-co** : mood

**notcis-co** : though Garrick does give us a multiple choice tomorrow

**spACEbar** : yeeeaaahhhh we should scram for that later

**notcis-co** : at my place?

**spACEbar** : sure!

**bilance** : yeah I have a study date later too

**oliverqueer** : wtf with whom

**bilance** : zari from my class 

**lesbianda** : do we know zari

**bilance** : lets just say shed be in this gc if she didnt hate people

**heatwave** : i hate people and yet im in this

**babybibibi** : why do i have the feeling that mick is always reading even when he doesnt say anything

**heatwave** : bc its like that

**detectiveprettybi** : i cant believe sara has queer friends even outside of this chat

**bilance** : lesbians are great

**lesbianda** : yes we are

**snowflake** : i have so many exams i dont even know when to study

**pipes** : rip caitlin

**babybibibi** : you can do it!!!

**spACEbar** : on the bright side if we survive this week its two and a half months of freedom

**irisbest** : boy am i looking forward to break

**notcis-co** : SAME

**bilance** : me too

**babybibibi** : do yall have plans

**captaincold** : again: city-bound

**heatwave** : work

**notcis-co** : break is usually the time i work and save up money for top surgery

**notcis-co** : but i guess ill visit family for a week or so

**spACEbar** : im gonna spend 1 week in national city and 1 week in coast city

**bilance** : sweet! 

**captaincold** : wait what

**irisbest** : bar pls tell me you did not forget to tell your boyfriend youre gonna be gone for two weeks

**spACEbar** : uhhhhhhhh

**spACEbar** : HEY len

**pipes** : wow shit man

**babybibibi** : anyone else feel like grabbing popcorn

**heatwave** : nah they’re dealing like this on a phone call

**notcis-co** : i hate this oldschool couple

**pipes** : it’s snart’s age

**notcis-co** : true. An old man

**bilance** : stop pushing people into a mid-life crisis kids

**lesbianda** : hey eddie when is your police ball thing and also are you taking sara there now or not

**detectiveprettybi** : yes and it’s on february 3

**bilance** : i already got a dress, nobody needs to go shop with me

**irisbest** : :(

**detectiveprettybi** : i also already have a suit

**irisbest** : :(

**bilance** : sorry

**detectiveprettybi** : sorry

**irisbest** : it’s okay…. My heart’s broken……..

**babybibibi** : next time i need a suit you can help me shop for it

**irisbest** : !! :D

**lesbianda** : and when will our baby detective get to know where he can work

**detectiveprettybi** : im a baby now? 

**detectiveprettybi** : i thought the babies were hartmon + bar

**snowflake** : i thought wally was the baby

**snowflake** : and lisa

**pipes** : no lisa is an ageless enigma

**heatwave** : right on

**bilance** : you’re all fucking kids, jsyk

**notcis-co** : are you our mum

**bilance** : yes

**bilance** : but not oliver’s bc i’ve had sex with him and that would be weird

**babybibibi** : stop invalidating eddie’s incest kink!

**detectiveprettybi** : jesus i thought that was a bad joke we’d all forgotten about by now

**oliverqueer** : does this groupchat ever forget about anything at all?

**lesbianda** : YES ABOUT ANSWERING QUESTIONS

**detectiveprettybi** : oh right

**detectiveprettybi** : i should get to know at the end of february

**detectiveprettybi** : and then start working in the middle of march

**irisbest** : !!!! this is so exciting

**snowflake** : i hope you can stay closeby!!

**detectiveprettybi** : damn me too

**detectiveprettybi** : i dont even want to think about the possibility of leaving central

**lesbianda** : i should try my hand at drilling you into singh’s subconsciousness

**babybibibi** : innuendo?

**pipes** : innuendo!

**detectiveprettybi** : innuendo indeed

**oliverqueer** : im glad yall dont even need to type them out any more

**notcis-co** : yeah it lost its style

**irisbest** : it never had any to begin with

**pipes** : well true

**detectiveprettybi** : we’re blunt and you love us for it

**spACEbar** : we love you despite it

**detectiveprettybi** : aw bar loves me!

**irisbest** : bar loves everyone

**captaincold** : do i have to make a comment

**spACEbar** : nope

**snowflake** : wholesome

**notcis-co** : crisis averted?

**captaincold** : there was no crisis

**heatwave** : sure wasnt

**spACEbar** : snart’s not as jeaslous as yall make him look like

**irisbest** : hmmmmmmmmmmm

**captaincold** : screw you all

**oliverqueer** : hm yeah no

**spACEbar** : anyway i should get going to cisco’s place

**notcis-co** : yup!

**spACEbar** : omw

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i once had to do a presentation about william turner's painting of cathedrals and it was horrible to research him


	50. Chapter 50

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> kids, sign language and ice skating.

**snowflake** : we better go out and drink once this week is over

**pipes** : shit finals broke cait

**notcis-co** : it’s wednesday already, you can do it!

**spACEbar** : only the oral exam left tomorrow then im freeeee

**detectiveprettybi** : how was the multiple choice

**notcis-co** : fairly easy

**notcis-co** : we still teamed up just to be sure

**irisbest** : ohhhhhhhhh bar is a cheater!!!!

**notcis-co** : actually we always had the same answers already so it wasnt really cheating it was just a “?” and then a nod

**irisbest** : ah damn

**detectiveprettybi** : lame

**snowflake** : im happy you guys had an easy one at least

**snowflake** : i mean so far i dont feel like i failed any of mine??? But i still have three to go

**snowflake** : im tired

**lesbianda** : aw can we help you in any way

**snowflake** : no i dont think so

**lesbianda** : <3

**notcis-co** : my whole world just changed

**spACEbar** : what happened

**notcis-co** : hart interacted with a kid

**notcis-co** : and he’s good at it

**detectiveprettybi** : not to be a dickhead but that really does surprise me

**irisbest** : is there more to this story

**notcis-co** : well we’re out for lunch

**notcis-co** : and you know since he started teaching me ASL i randomly keep using signs while talking

**notcis-co** : and this kid saw me and struck up a conversation but she’s WAY too good

**notcis-co** : so hart cleared things up and now they’re talking about??? I dont even know what

**notcis-co** : it’s v cute

**irisbest** : awwwwwwwww

**spACEbar** : AW

**lesbianda** : kids are great i want tweNTY

**detectiveprettybi** : well not as many but like a kid would be great i agree

**snowflake** : idek if i ever want kids definitely not any time soon

**notcis-co** : ^

**notcis-co** : tho that sight did move something in me

**irisbest** : aw omg

**irisbest** : that’s so cute wtf

**lesbianda** : what about you guys are you gonna make joe a granddad

**spACEbar** : maybe??? Some day???? I try not to think about the future too much it fucks me up

**irisbest** : i want one of each

**detectiveprettybi** : EVERY GENDER???? Girl youll have like fifty kids

**irisbest** : …. Yeah you know what

**irisbest** : my thinking actually still needs to adjust to that

**irisbest** : sorry guys

**lesbianda** : you realized your mistake and now you can learn

**captaincold** : poetic

**notcis-co** : baby steps

**lesbianda** : ohhh snart what about you

**captaincold** : no

**detectiveprettybi** : why are you always like this

**irisbest** : cmon tell us

**captaincold** : no as in no kids

**snowflake** : oh :(

**captaincold** : like how fucked up would a kid with my dna and me as a parent be

**spACEbar** : well lisa shares half your dna and was practically raised by you and she turned out great

**heatwave** : did she tho

**captaincold** : are you fucking insulting my sister

**heatwave** : always

**heatwave** : whatcha gonna do

**notcis-co** : oh my god imagine mick with a kid

**irisbest** : it could either be a very beautiful thing or. A horror movie

**heatwave** : i fucking hate kids they’re annoying and never shut up

**lesbianda** : it’s the latter.

**detectiveprettybi** : also lisa IS cool

**detectiveprettybi** : she gives off such a chill vibe but then again she could cut off your dick

**notcis-co** : she’s a cat

**snowflake** : did she ever ask the arena for a job

**captaincold** : yeah she teaches kids musical skating or whatever it’s called twice a week

**lesbianda** : ice dancing

**spACEbar** : wait whats the difference between ice dancing and figure skating

**spACEbar** : bc i think this anime i know is about figure skating??? But it looks like dancing???

**oliverqueer** : figure skating has more jumps

**oliverqueer** : ice dancing is just. Dancing on ice. It’s basically the same as on the ground

**irisbest** : oliver jonas queen, expert on ice

**bilance** : no his mum made him take classes as a kid

**detectiveprettybi** : AW WHAT

**spACEbar** : oh my god

**lesbianda** : did you wear spandex

**captaincold** : did chanukkah just come early

**heatwave** : wtf chanukkah

**heatwave** : literally the only holiday you participate in is yom kippur 

**oliverqueer** : isn’t that the one about admitting your sins

**captaincold** : i also celebrate rosh hashanah wtf

**heatwave** : yeah youre great at wallowing in self-pity

**snowflake** : im not even sure what to concentrate on here

**notcis-co** : same

**irisbest** : let me start

**irisbest** : so oliver how long exactly did you wear spandex

**oliverqueer** : i nEVER wore spandex

**detectiveprettybi** : that makes me sad

**irisbest** : yeah me too

**oliverqueer** : i was like six and stopped going after two months

**oliverqueer** : i barely could skate at all

**bilance** : it really put a strain on his friendship with tommy when he wanted them to join an ice hockey team

**bilance** : i think he ignored you for??? A whole week

**captaincold** : wow. A whole week.

**heatwave** : didnt we ghost one another for a year once

**pipes** : we get it youre edgy

**snowflake** : hartley!!!! How was the kid!

**bilance** : your friendship never ceases to amaze me

**pipes** : she’s cute we talked about boys

**detectiveprettybi** : are you physically capable of talking about boys without drifting off to being fucked

**notcis-co** : i did not recognize any obscene signs during the conversation

**oliverqueer** : why do i feel like the first things hartley taught you to say was related to sex

**heatwave** : ohhh you guys sext in sign language

**bilance** : that makes literally no sense at all mick

**captaincold** : no it does make sense

**captaincold** : and i am truly interested

**pipes** : I am not ashamed to admit I taught him the most important things first

**detectiveprettybi** : [Hartley voice] hello and welcome to asl 101! I am Hartley rathaway and today I'm gonna teach you how to sign “fuck me”, “coxk” and “harder”

**spACEbar** : pfpfpfpfpfpfpfpfpfpf

**notcis-co** : basically though

**captaincold** : pipes you truly are a legend

**pipes** : coming from you that means a lot

**lesbianda** : if an outsider got ahold of my phone at this point I'd just say it's finals week

**lesbianda** : BUT NO ITS ALMOST A TAME CONVERSATION FOR US

**oliverqueer** : are you really still surprised

**lesbianda** : no


	51. Chapter 51

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> eddie enters a new chap in his life and an old conspiracy theory returns

**detectiveprettybi** : GUYS

**detectiveprettybi** : I PASSED

**detectiveprettybi** : IN TWO DAYS IM OFFICIALLY A COP

**irisbest** : YEEEEEEEs

**bilance** : im so proud

**heatwave** : in two days we’ll have to avoid you as much as possible

**notcis-co** : i thought you don’t do any shit any more

**notcis-co** : ALSO! Congrats eddie!!!!

**detectiveprettybi** : bar also passed btw!

**heatwave** : i still dont like pigs

**bilance** : if only pigs looked like eddie

**irisbest** : baby pigs are v cute ok

**notcis-co** : arent there like mini pigs? Those are adorable

**irisbest** : yay bar!!!!!

**bilance** : we’re all so good at passing

**notcis-co** : im very good at passing

**irisbest** : did you just

**notcis-co** : let me have my trans jokes

**spACEbar** : eddie just walked into a lamp post but yes this joke was worth it

**notcis-co** : OH MY GOd

**irisbest** : fuck

**bilance** : EDDIE

**spACEbar** : he’s alright

**spACEbar** : len’s laughing at him

**oliverqueer** : okay who besides me is not finished with finals yet

**lesbianda** : me but my deadline is only at the end of february

**lesbianda** : i wanna get finished earlier though

**heatwave** : same for snart 

**notcis-co** : cait has another exam tomorrow

**bilance** : poor souls

**detectiveprettybi** : girls when the fuck did you have your exams even

**irisbest** : tuesday

**bilance** : this morning at 8

**bilance** : tired af

**babybibibi** : here’s a spoiler: everyone’s gonna pass bc everyone’s amazing

**lesbianda** : thank you caitlin

**babybibibi** : no it’s actually me

**babybibibi** : im a motivational speaker atm

**irisbest** : is she so stressed?

**babybibibi** : yeah but it’s normal actually

**notcis-co** : yeah cait always stresses herself and then she’s amazing

**bilance** : ofc she is

**spACEbar** : i love our supportive vibe

**oliverqueer** : speaking of where’s hartley

**notcis-co** : work

**oliverqueer** : ah

**irisbest** : when does he even have to work?

**notcis-co** : monday afternoon, wednesday afternoon and thursday morning

**notcis-co** : he might up it during the holidays tho

**heatwave** : rip pipes

**bilance** : i think he rigged them into mostly working in the afternoons

**bilance** : guy likes his sleep too much

**oliverqueer** : that’s true

**notcis-co** : well monday is mostly bc he’s actually had class in the morning

**lesbianda** : rip

**babybibibi** : at least that’s over

**irisbest** : lmao u know whats a mood?

**irisbest** : bar’s latest insta story

**oliverqueer** : well i mean if we made one every time we all hang out that would be a funny caption too

**notcis-co** : hanging w/ a billionaire, a cop, two criminals, a reporter, a cop’s daughter, future csi, disowned gay, future doc and an engineer!

**notcis-co** : fuck i forgot someone

**bilance** : yeah either me or iris

**bilance** : it only says ONE daughter of a cop

**irisbest** : rude

**heatwave** : u fucked up

**notcis-co** : shit fuck i didn’t do it on purpose

**notcis-co** : let it be known youre two great individual women who could scare me to death if you wanted to

**bilance** : yeah sounds about right

**irisbest** : i can live with that

**notcis-co** : im glad

**lesbianda** : okay but snart and eddie interact so little idek what to expect

**bilance** : i hope eddie doesnt come home covered in blood

**babybibibi** : OH I FORGOT HE ALREADY MOVED INTO THE QUIVER

**babybibibi** : WHEN EVEN

**oliverqueer** : yesterday. Dig, bar and i helped and then they and eddie studied some more

**bilance** : i was very sad we didn’t party

**bilance** : but hartley wasnt a fan either obviously

**heatwave** : dont u dare throw the end of semester party at the quiver

**heatwave** : im working tmrw so u better get ur asses here

**bilance** : dragging tommy and dig into a gay bar?

**lesbianda** : that will be the best fucking time of my life

**bilance** : honestly same

**oliverqueer** : idek if dig wont be with lyla

**irisbest** : wait who is lyla

**bilance** : dig’s gf

**notcis-co** : DIG HAS A GF

**notcis-co** : I THOUGHT HE WAS A ROBOT OR SOMETHING

**notcis-co** : an attractive boxing robot who knows how to cook

**lesbianda** : you know that description fits to mick too

**babybibibi** :  [x files theme] mick and dig are the same person

**oliverqueer** : not again

**heatwave** : im white

**irisbest** : who says youre not pulling a whiteface on us the whole time

**lesbianda** : fuck im laughing

**oliverqueer** : [image attached]

**oliverqueer** : remember this pic of them together

**babybibibi** : photoshop

**heatwave** : yall crazy

**notcis-co** : maybe we just hallucinated all the times both were in the same room at the same time

**irisbest** : collective hallucinations can be common in mentally ill people

**irisbest** : and i think we’re all at least slightly damaged

**heatwave** : like i said, yall crazy

**lesbianda** : it’s what we’re best at

**bilance** : im both annoyed and amazed by all of you

**babybibibi** : thanks mom

**bilance** : go calm down your fiance child

**bilance** : give her a massage or something

**babybibibi** : a good plan

**babybibibi** : bi friends, see yall once the stress is over

**lesbianda** : soon we’ll be free

**heatwave** : have fun fucking @ bicon

**bilance** : ^


	52. Chapter 52

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> they survived the semester!

**oliverqueer** : hey Sara

**bilance** : what

**oliverqueer** : between me and Tommy how did we agree that I be the brains in the operation

**bilance** : idk maybe bc he's the pretty one?

**oliverqueer** : fuck u

**oliverqueer** : you do realize you dated me

**bilance** : I regret it every day

**detectiveprettybi** : that's so harsh

**oliverqueer** : thank you Eddie

**spACEbar** : how did your exam go Ollie!!!!!

**oliverqueer** : there's no way in hell that I passed 

**spACEbar** : oh :(

**spACEbar** : maybe you're just feeling this way! I bet you passed

**pipes** : yeah don't destroy this groupchat’s score Oliver

**lesbianda** : what was that with the supportive vibe

**bilance** : Hartley? Awake before noon? On a day off?

**pipes** : Lisa barged into my room and woke me up

**detectiveprettybi** : one day Lisa and Hartley will fight and I know who'll make it out alive 

**captaincold** : pipes u better treat it as an honour to be killed by my sister

**pipes** : who says id die 

**captaincold** : logic

**detectiveprettybi** : Hart if you were a supervillain your weapon would be bad flirting 

**pipes** : you wouldn't even get to be a supervillain

**pipes** : you're the side character who's just there to lure in people with his attractiveness

**detectiveprettybi** : that wasn't even an attempt at a diss wtf 

**detectiveprettybi** : do you want coffee

**pipes** : yes pls

**detectiveprettybi** : coming right up

**captaincold** : cute

**spACEbar** : i agree though I don't think Hartley could be a villain

**spACEbar** : maybe an antihero but not fully evil

**oliverqueer** : you wouldn't think of anyone to be a villain bar

**spACEbar** : at least concerning this chat that's true

**bilance** : you're too pure

**notcis-co** : I once dreamt I was in a comic book and I was evil?

**notcis-co** : and so was half of you guys actually

**spACEbar** : … Tell me more

**notcis-co** : not you you were a hero

**oliverqueer** : ofc they are

**notcis-co** : so were you actually though you were killing people left and right 

**oliverqueer** : ….

**oliverqueer** : ok

**notcis-co** : and even Cait was a villain? I swear that fucked me up the most

**bilance** : Caitlin, the actual wholesome mother of this groupchat?

**pipes** : I thought you were our mother

**bilance** : yeah I'm the cool mom you're also scared of

**spACEbar** : it fits

**babybibibi** : I'm laughing sco wtf

**notcis-co** : idk!!!

**babybibibi** : even when you're fighting with Cait she's cute as ever

**babybibibi** : one time she was shouting at me and I just started laughing because it was so adorable

**notcis-co** : oh yeah she told me about that she was mad

**notcis-co** : her reaction to that made me laugh

**babybibibi** : SEE

**spACEbar** : hey Cisco turn on cartoon network

**notcis-co** : hang on

**notcis-co** : OH YES

**notcis-co** : I KNOW HOW ILL SPEND MY MORNING

**spACEbar** : nothing better than reruns of kid shows

**detectiveprettybi** : what's on

**spACEbar** : ultimate Spider-Man 

**oliverqueer** : oh sweet

**oliverqueer** : I haven't watched any of it in like a decade

**notcis-co** : hey you know what's fucked up

**notcis-co** : like a decade ago you were about Hart's age

**oliverqueer** : A DECADE AGO I WAS 16

**pipes** : yeah and I'm only 3 years older

**pipes** : you're old admit it

**oliverqueer** : Mick is *literally* ten years older than you

**captaincold** : we had this discussion already don't make me question my life again

**spACEbar** : Len don't worry I keep forgetting how old you are

**captaincold** : THAT DOESNT HELP MY CASE

**bilance** : damn man Snart is shouting 

**pipes** : highlight of the semester

**notcis-co** : and here I thought I was the highlight of your semester

**pipes** : you know I could say something but it's very gay

**detectiveprettybi** : HIS FACE WENT ALL RED

**babybibibi** : awwww

**notcis-co** : suddenly I want to read what you were thinking 

**detectiveprettybi** : aaaand Cisco's calling 

**detectiveprettybi** : aaaaaand Hartley left the room

**bilance** : they're cute

**bilance** : oh by the way here's an important info for the chat

**bilance** : I'll be in tibet for four weeks at one point

**babybibibi** : AND YOURE ONLY TELLING US NOW

**babybibibi** : how shall we surVIVE

**bilance** : it was a random idea Nyssa and I had last night so yeah

**babybibibi** : aw

**detectiveprettybi** : hey where's bar why aren't they reacting to that

**irisbest** : they're on the phone

**irisbest** : judging by their voice it's snart

**babybibibi** : awww

**bilance** : Oliver's having brunch with Felicity and Tommy 

**detectiveprettybi** : so that's where he went

**bilance** : yeah I only know because I saw them on my way to Linda's 

**irisbest** : !!! Are they in that expensive restaurant in downtown 

**bilance** : yeah bc the boys can shit money

**bilance** : ray once reserved every seat when he dated Felicity so they could have privacy

**detectiveprettybi** : oh that's awkward as hell

**detectiveprettybi** : hey iris you're not busy right 

**irisbest** : nope what's up

**detectiveprettybi** : lets have brunch in a mega cheap restaurant 

**irisbest** : oh yes a mood

**irisbest** : lets go to big belly burger

**detectiveprettybi** : YES

**bilance** : iconic

**snowflake** : I SURVIVED

**lesbianda** : YEEEES!

**heatwave** : here I thought the doll died

**notcis-co** : u know I'm not sure if that was a vine reference or not

**lesbianda** : nope it's his nickname for Cait

**notcis-co** : ah ok

**snowflake** : awww

**notcis-co** : whoever just texted Hartley will have to wait until he is capable of moving again

**heatwave** : good job tiny

**notcis-co** : thanks

**captaincold** : I love how that implies Hartley has no friends outside this chat

**snowflake** : well it WAS actually Ronnie who texted him

**captaincold** : amazing

**heatwave** : len btw where are u

**captaincold** : Bar's

**notcis-co** : lmao where else

**babybibibi** : cinematographic parallels between Snart and Hart 

**babybibibi** : HOLY SHIT

**notcis-co** : THEIR NAMES RHYME

**babybibibi** : YET ANOTHER

**notcis-co** : OH SHIT

**babybibibi** : DUDE

**pipes** : this made Cisco slap me

**pipes** : is it domestic abuse if we don't live together yet

**lesbianda** : don't joke about that

**pipes** : sorry

**notcis-co** : he really feels bad

**lesbianda** : learn something

**pipes** : will do

**spACEbar** : I can't believe the semester is over

**spACEbar** : so many things happened!!!!

**heatwave** : and everything has been recorded in this chat

**lesbianda** : yeah I feel like we barely had a life out of it

**notcis-co** : hashtag worth it

**spACEbar** : I loved this semester and I love y'all 

**pipes** : I can't believe it's not even half a year since my parents disowned me

**captaincold** : your parents can go fuck themselves 

**detectiveprettybi** : honestly 

**oliverqueer** : their company lost greatly ever since then

**lesbianda** : ever since your conference stunt you mean

**oliverqueer** : Hartley's words were entirely his so!! Credit where credits due

**snowflake** : you're both pretty great

**spACEbar** : we’re ALL pretty great

**heatwave** : nah im awesome

**irisbest** : classic Mick

**irisbest** : speaking of when does your shift begin

**heatwave** : 8

**heatwave** : so none of your asses show up before 9 

**oliverqueer** : Tommy joins us btw

**detectiveprettybi** : am I allowed to react to Tommy in a gay bar

**bilance** : idk do you think you can do it in a way that does not harass him

**detectiveprettybi** : … I could try?

**captaincold** : just.

**captaincold** : keep your mouth shut.

**detectiveprettybi** : fair

**babybibibi** : PARTY TONIGHT! 

**snowflake** : I'm looking forward to see you guys

**lesbianda** : aw Cait

**snowflake** : no seriously I feel like ever since Christmas break I haven't been around anyone I like except Ronnie obviously 

**irisbest** : like I said I'd die with your workload

**snowflake** : anyway! Now I'm free!

**snowflake** : lets sing tonight!

**notcis-co** : haha alright

**oliverqueer** : I'm bad at singing nooo

**pipes** : your loss 

**babybibibi** : I hope they play backstreet boys

**heatwave** : just for that I'll go through the playlist and delete it

**babybibibi** : :(

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That is a wrap on the semester (and this part of the story)!  
> I cannot express the gratitude I feel for everyone who stayed along for the wild ride that this fic was. Thank you all for sharing my twisted humour and urging me to continue this piece of nonsense, for all the love I got! I'm glad I could cheer you up, make you laugh and give you the representation you all need and deserve.  
> Thank you all so much <3
> 
> Make sure to look out for the next piece coming up in this series! Until then, see you around!

**Author's Note:**

>  **Please leave a comment!**  
>  If you liked this, come check out my [tumblr](http://joanthangroff.tumblr.com) or talk to me on [twitter](http://twitter.com/Ll4MDUNBAR).


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